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| 07:52PM | Sat, January 28th | 2012 |
| Livejournal Wants To Delete & Purge My OpenID Account |
| Public |
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I just checked my non constant email, and livejournal wants to delete my openID account. Text of the email follows. But do note, OpenID Accounts? CANNOT POST ENTRIES. They can only comment. And my openID account is almost always logged in so I can comment to friends over on Livejournal. And I do comment. But suddenly none of that counts? And somehow livejournal never updated my openID email change. So I'm lucky I checked up the old email in the first place - I usually only do it once a month.
Dear [info]the_willow.insanejournal.com!
LiveJournal is planning to start deleting inactive empty accounts. Pursuant to our housekeeping policy, your LiveJournal account [info]the_willow.insanejournal.com is scheduled to be deleted in 15 days.
If you wish to reactivate your account to avoid purging, please visit http://www.livejournal.com and log in within 15 days of this notification.
If you do not remember the password for your account, you can reset it following instructions over here. ---- WTF Livejournal? I just sent a support request cause seriously - WTF LIVEJOURNAL? I am so effing tired that DW remains messed up somehow when it came to transferrring my posts over; so that I can't save comments using lj-archive (there's some error in my journal) and there's nothing available to save my journal with other than weekly doing LJBook, which isn't easy at all. Especially as one's journal gets bigger and bigger. I reopened certain posts on my old account, despite livejournal, cause I want the conversations and posts available and out there in the world. And now this shite? [ Insert my cuss words here, starting with bumba- ] ETA: There is the small possibility of this being a scam, I realize this. I assume it is real, because i got one of this earlier to do with an account that actually is empty and unused and has been for a couple years. In truth, I'd forgotten I had it. Checking support, I see a few others dealing with the same thing. ETA 2: Livejournal has now made my request/support question PRIVATE. And likely did the same for other similar requests, since I no longer see them on the general board anymore. WTF?
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| 10:15AM | Fri, January 27th | 2012 |
| Medical Question |
| Public |
 hungry |
| health: physical |
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Does anyone else have the experience of not being able to fast long enough to get certain medical tests done? I need to eat every 4 hrs. Even sleeping (is usually only 6-7 hrs), which means after I wake up, it's 4 or 3 hours of having to stay hungry to meet the bare minimum requirement for some testing. And that's too long w/o food. I get headaches, get dizzy, start feeling ill. I'd already made the decision earlier to get what testing I could w/o fasting. But now? Now after trying for 2 extra weeks, I'm doubly going 'Well eff that'. Cause it is just not happening. But I'm not looking fwd to more explanations to doctorly types.
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| 04:26AM | Wed, January 25th | 2012 |
| Waiiiit a minute |
| Public |
| tv |
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So, I hunted down G.I.Joe: Renegades, to see the 1st episode. And what do I find? I find it's apparently all Scarlett's fault they got in trouble in the first place? WTF? Annnd apparently, the girl gets them in trouble, but the men have to macho things up to make the problem even worse. WTF?
*so much sighing*
I just... I realize tis technically a show for 'kiddies'; albiet one dealing with concepts of corrupt army contractors, terrorism, arson, weapons of mass destruction and the like. But... damn. Or maybe I'm just not that into the implict 'American Rugged Individualism Conquers All' - and thus find the characters to have been making oodles of MISTAKES and not acting daring for 'justice' / glory / whatever. Who knows, maybe some part of my brain IS actually going 'That is SO not military procedure'. I don't know.
Oh wait, now they follow strict military protocol so they can conveniently be set up? Among other things? But at least so far I've seen PoC; as Joes, in positions of power w/i the military, (theoretically at least) etc...
....
Ok, apparently I am just not the intended audience. I'm asking too many questions.
( Read more... )
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If cortisol goes down at night, does that mean my body has shifted to sleeping during the day, because that, right now, is when I'll naturally be in less pain? And thus my body is ensuring I get restful sleep? Or as restful as can happen w/ droning mechanical pump noises and the like. Is there rhyme and reason behind my suddenly weird sleep cycle, and this current winter is starting weather? I don't know - it's a thing to ponder, however. Since no amount of tricks and trying to stay up etc has worked.
I'm left pondering painkillers - what could work as, since Ino longer want to ruin my guts w/ nsaids and the like and even extra aspirin has consequences
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The neighbours two doors down, have something gong on in their basement, or something. There's a van, a motor and a oud droning noise. It's been there on and off since last week. Today finally peeked my head out to see what it is. Today was a day of interruptions - people coming to the door, ringing the bell, to give me bible verses or bible somethings. I must have looked the picture of 'Are you effing kidding me' - cause I'd been trying to nap, the bell rang and my heart rate went all skippity jump, cause I wasn't expecting any packages or anything. And then it's someone wanting me to to have a conversation about deity? WTF?
My mom also called - twice. Well once, and then I had to call her back and she insisted on calling me back from that. Chopped up day, not too restful, really.
I think tomorrow I'm gonna pull out the futon and chill out here, and the cat will love it; for more restful rest. Cause loud droning noise, even if it is white noise to sme extent, probably has me tensing up in my sleep.
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| 07:50PM | Mon, January 23rd | 2012 |
| iJay's looking/feeling rather empty of late |
| Public |
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I feel like I'm living in something of a ghost town.
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| 07:33PM | Mon, January 23rd | 2012 |
| Happy Lunar New Year |
| Public |
 dazed |
| celebrations |
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To everyone who celebrates.
Yes, my sleep schedule is still - huh, not even Australian. Apparently my body is getting up for morning times in continental India. I don't even know. But still, Happy Lunar New Year all the same.
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| 04:58AM | Mon, January 23rd | 2012 |
| Help - Ereader Device Is Tripping Out |
| Public |
| kindle my kindle, wth? |
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I thought it might be a kindle problem, but I've seen hints it's a Calibre problem - I'm finding books on my kindle have multiple copies of themselves, all in the same file, resulting in a single book with 1000 or even 5000+ pages. Help! I've no idea WTF to do. And it would so. SO suck to have to restart to factory conditions and bloody well redownload everything all over again. Is that truly my only option? Is it calibre? Besides, how do I stop this happening again?
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DKTBG: Tales from an Allergic Life, by Sandea Beasely. And I'm reading reviews, and they're starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I'm getting a strong sense of 'Good Crip' from them. And then on the other side, there are modern mothers dealing w/ allergic children who think the author's personal attitude is dangerous, and that her personal story wouldn't have so many anecdotes about almost dying, or throwing up, or getting sick etc - if she took more personal responsibility for herself. And it's kind of, confusing twisty; some people thinking she's a 'good crip' and some thinking she's very much not.
Usually the noise I hear is all about how 'a good crip' absolutely does need to take personal responsibility. Except, if someone with food allergies, especially multiple food allergies does - then currently able persons may become inconvenienced, or troubled, or have more work to do. So for them, a good crip in this case, is someone who apparently 'doesn't want the world to revolve around her'; and will continually risk her own health when eating out, or with others, or even with her own friends, rather than bringing her own safe foods, or asking precise questions and for precise preparation in restaurants.
So there's a side who's all 'You can't live your life holding on to a big bottle of benadryl - what if it stops working for you? What if it doesn't work well enough and you DIE! Are you suicidal? Take some responsibility. Stop neglecting your own needs.' And there's the side who's all 'She's not one of THOSE with an AGENDA' - and they think that agenda revolves around (or is best exemplified by ) peanuts and peanut free zones. Mind, the author, while not allergic to peanuts? Can break out in a rash if someone with dairy or mustard on their lips kisses her cheek, and could end up throwing up, and her throat closing, if someone who's eaten one of her allergens kisses her on the mouth; she's got 15 food allergens and 9 environmental ones.
I'm just in a grrrrrrrrrrraaah moment, trying to figure out if my skirting the edges of / growing awareness of disability forthrightnesses/accessibility issues is putting a (n extra) spin on the reviews and my pov of the book. I'm not even sure I want to read it myself now - not just because of the possibility of 240 pages of someone consistently hurting themselves (not just in their teen years) trying to be 'normal'. But because there are apparently people who walked away from this book/work thinking 'Well now I know what a REAL allergy is all about'. And are convinced that people with mere intolerances need to stop faking/fronting/whining.
Gluten intolerance? May not give anaphylactic shock - but having your intestinal lining destroyed and pushed into malnutrition is no effing joke. And also, just because I may sit calmly and focus on my breathing, while my skin feels itchy and goes flush, but my finger nails aren't going blue, and I'm not 'obviously wheezing' or my throat isn't 'obviously swelling' or so far I don't have an Epi-pen, doesn't mean I'm not experiencing extreme discomfort and feeling very unwell and scared.
Personally for me? I'm not certain I have enough of a connection to my body to recognize severe symptoms and not try to just push through them - and I really don't want to die for my discomfort to suddenly hit someone else's definitions for 'REAL DIFFICULTY'.
This whole thing makes me feel extremely uncomfortable - and I'm not sure who to talk to about it. I just know I feel like I'm seeing parallels to; a good crip is a quiet crip aka don't directly affect me with YOUR problem and we'll be good.
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Uhmm, does anyone know? How much is media hype and how much is it true that Newt Gingrich actually has a thing for wanting his marriages dissolved the moment he has to contend with the 'in sickness' part of 'in sickness and in health'? I don't much give a damn about 'open marriage' or not - except for the part where he's one of those edjits who goes on about 'marriage has always been between one man and one woman', edjits who apparently have never rad the bible. But wtf is up w/ the GOP and 'Wife is ill? Dump her. Wife is getting older? Dump her' WTF? Gay marriage isn't huge on my list of equality must haves - but WTF is this sanctimonious bilgewash? What?
Undoubtedly someone might remind of how often those in politics strongest against 'The rampaging of the homosexual agenda' then turn out to be having issues accepting their own sexuality. Still, ugh. Just ugh.
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Remember how I wrote a statement for the upstairs neighbour last Friday? Well, I spoke to the landlady today and found out neighbour went to her, complaining about how I didn't call the cops, and how could I have just let what happened go on. Landlady had my back and until today, I didn't even know it. Landlady apparently told her straight up, that given that I dont' even have permission to call upstairs and have been asked plainly to stay out of upstair's neigubhour's business, upstairs' neighbour reapt what she sowed, because I did stay out of her business, and didn't expose myself to her potentially getting on my case for assuming things about her circumstances and calling the police.
I admit the thought of what she would say crossed my mind for a half second, but safety was my major concern; my own safety, hers, her children's.
But while I thought we were being civil, it's good to know the truth. To know that I was being accused of some stuff and that my landlady trusts me enough to know me, and have my back.
I don't regret writing the letter/statement. But, well, knowing how things stand in reality, how that woman upstairs STILL thinks of me, that is good to know. Good indeed.
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| 05:08PM | Thu, January 19th | 2012 |
| G.I Joe: Renagades |
| Public |
| cartoons, tv, wtf! |
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WTF? Since when did GI Joe merge with The A Team???? Highly trained team? Set up? On the run? Trying to prove their innocence? Do they also save innocents on their off time? I have no idea.
Also, I just saw their version of' The Origins of Destro. It was kind of angsty yo. Like, Nate Ford, Leverage Angsty. But less annoying. I'm kind of - Oh... they do try to help innocent towns besiged by COBRA.
I laugh and chortle.
I also note the terrorism angle is very modern as compared to the 80's cartoon.
Meanwhile, Snake Eyes is... silent. Is he supposed to be deaf? Is he another 'White American Ninja' ? Or is he Non White under there? Le sigh.
Also I feel old at the thought that children watching this, might have no idea about The A Team other than that movie that came out, whenever a couple months? A year ago? Just like there were peeps claiming Bram Stoker stole Vampires from S.Meyer, or that 'other people's vampires and werewolves were ALL WRONG'. I end up feeling like people are going to end up talkin about 'Such and such stole from Such and such' And I'll be there all 'Read a damn pop culture history book, y'ignorant whippersnapper'.
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Split peas - why do you hate me? Or whatever the heck it is that's causing the horrible, tear inducing lower stomach / pelvic pain. Sweet mother of mercy, bless me and take it away!
Why do I not have a screaming in pain icon?
PS: Raisins? Was it you? Have you caused this agony????
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So there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that I've been in a truckload of pain for the past week. The good news is that, right now I'm fairly certain it is due to having nommed non nitrate (celery only) hotdogs and wine w/ sulfiles (red wine) over the past two weeks. I've had lower body cramping, leg cramping, neck cramping, chest aching and the like. I'm guessing it is affected by the weather, but it's able to be affected in the first place because it is inflamed. Which means, no more red wine - dark alcoholic drinks should probably be brandies. No sulphur.
Also, I should likely take it really easy w/ the alcohol. I do already, but easy even more. Alcohol is a depressant. It might not affect me as much w/o the sulphates. But this slight 'down/tense/sad/semi listless' thing I've been dealing with, might not only be lowered meds (temporarily I hope), it may likely be the alcohol too. I had some over the Xmas holiday, then the 1st week of Jan, and this weekend I opened the second bottle on my own. That might be too much alcohol for me. I'm probably only good for 1 week out of a month.
I'm really hoping a few days without the wine (which I used mixed in w/ something else - but luckily that traditional drink doesn't need alcohol and thus can still be enjoyed) will bounce me out of the pain levels I've been in; 6's and 7's going into high 8's. It's been really difficult being in that place again. Depressing. Mind numbing. Food allergies as part of a fibro fog/fibro flare is a possibility I need to strongly remember. Cause I did bloodywell survive extraneous holiday circumstances w/ myriad weather conditions pretty damn fine at the end of 2011. So....
Again I'm drawn back to my health and my body and the difference some simple modifications make to it - without me needing to be on various drugs that likely induce weight gain, bloating, other allergies, and who knows what else. It's such a difficult thing, negotiating side effects for a better quality of life. And doctors seem to so rarely coordinate that w/ patients. Just don't plain tell you - leave you to find groups of other patients going through the same thing to work it out for yourself (aka, fucking_meds, fucking_docs). I'm really grateful to have the ability to mitigate what I take like this. I know some others cannot. So I'm trying to do my best to remember it all.
It is kind of daunting though; wondering about my body's systems and the things it finds as overload. Will that ever go away, or lessen? Or will I need to deal with some things never, and other things in extreme moderation. I suppose extreme moderation is better than never at all. I should focus on that - yes?
PS: Just checked my food allergy list and have bolded and italized the pain sulphite cause. Cause DAMN.
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"People who are nice people as long as you don’t ever challenge their privilege or call them on their shit aren’t actually nice people. Just saying."
I have encountered this in certain situations with certain, particular, specific people and I have watched friends encounter it. And this is the best sum up of the concept in my head that's just become a picture of some particular and specific faces. I am pretty sure too, that some of those faces/people would be surprised at who sits beside them in my head, and certainly dismayed.
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| 06:16PM | Fri, January 13th | 2012 |
| uuurgh |
| Public |
| -- |
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I just wrote a statement for the upstairs neighbour concerning the domestic disturbance that happened upstairs in Dec. She said I wouldn't have to go to court. I've no idea if that's true or not. But for the sake of her kids, I also know that writing a statement is ok for me. Because if it helps her bring charges against the man, and get some safety and space or a restraining order or something - then good.
More thoughts later on therapy and doctors and bloodtests and just - medical drama and exhaustion and how the blood tests the could have been good, now freaks me out doctor wants me to take are apparently tests an endocrinologists would request.
Did get blood taken today - just not where I thought. And, there's... Stuff.
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I just sent a good couple of hours, I don't know how many hours - looking for my passport IN A DREAM!. It being so important, and the pieces of paper within it so important, that it never occurred to me that how I lost it was dream logic. That is, because to me, having it in my hand one minute and it somehow not being there the next, with no memory of what happened to it - isn't dream logic to me. That's exactly how I lose things; a sudden lost of focus and oops/damn!/wtf?!.
And I think I was in some office, waiting in lines and the like for the relevant further paperwork to renew it. So if that's the dream saying something - I have no idea. Cause right now I'm all fluttery. I couldn't conceive of leaving that place without it, which means my brain interpreted me waking up, as leaving, and thus I didn't. I was so upset when I did wake up; a whole minute upset with myself for giving up; berating myself to have looked harder. And then I realized I was in my bloody bed.
And the further thing is? I have no idea if those 'hours' were dream time, or real time.
It was just, in my hand one minute, and then... it wasn't. The thought is still so upsetting to me, even knowing tis a dream. My brain still wondering why I didn't tell more people, ask the guards not to let anyone leave, ask to have them searched, point out that I was a citizen (non us) who could have her identity stolen and they should help me.
My real passport is fine btw. All the important bits of paper that were in the dream version - are fine in reality. Safe. But the concept - the concept of my own possible carelessness. Or dissociativeness....
**breathes**
I wonder, I wonder if this is what a nightmare feels like. As I used to have night terrors, and to me, a nightmare can't equal up to waking up not knowing reality from dream. In fact, the continuing emotion and adrenaline, the wrestling with reality vs dream I"m feeling is similar to a night terror. If so, this is the most administrative night terror. ever.
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| 12:59PM | Mon, January 9th | 2012 |
| Yay. Exhale. Breathe. Feel Good. |
| Public |
| my boo |
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Just saw Zvi off, we had a very mellow, relaxed, homey time. I enjoyed it a whole damn bunch - even the part where my attempt to make a snack the night before resulted in some lack of confidence in cooking the next day; resulting in famous undercooked chicken. But putting it back into the oven worked. The visit was mellow and homey and relaxed and easy and comfortable and fun and I need to remember that there is someone with whom I do not have to be 'on' or running around like a hyperstressed chicken trying to be 'perfect' or 'decent' and the like. I seriously think her visit brought down my blood pressure.
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| 04:28PM | Tue, January 3rd | 2012 |
| This Amazon Shite Is Incredulous |
| Public |
 pissed off |
| online: shopping, wtf!! |
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The people responsible for sending my little brother a water stained, smelling, messed up sticky book - have had the GALL to email me, asking me to remove the negative feedback I gave, because 'it hurts their standing in the Amazon marketplace community'. Note; This is DAYS after the fact, it was AMAZON.COM itself that gave me my refund and figured out they didn't have a replacement copy. But they have the gumption to ask me to REMOVE feedback, warning people they're capable of sending out, foul smelling, stained books, for the money? Why? Because, I have my refund now so I should be happy. That's the impression message their email gave. Seriously! And I wish like fire, there was an option to edit it to add that their customer service is also SLOW AND LACKING.
What is this. I. don't. even. What is this bombardment of 'remove your feedback' as if customers don't have the right to warn others, or have and hold their own opinions on service? How the hell is apologising to me, after the fact, for your own carelessness in your business (and that's me being MILD) supposed to equal me NOT warning people that you are capable of such bad business to customer service in the first place?
How many people have been bullied into thinking they don't have a right to warn people about shite. I was triplely concerned before, and now that has increased by a further factor of 3 - and will seriously side eye all Amazon Marketplace Business. Not only is 'neutral' feedback not 'good enough'. But when people mess up, they think just apologising DAYS AFTER THE FACT, is supposed to wipe their slate clean? WHAT?
The cult of nice has gone too fucking far.
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| 09:15PM | Mon, January 2nd | 2012 |
| AO3 Needs Author PM's |
| Public |
| hungry |
| wth? |
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I just got listed as the author of this work: Love Knows No Bounds. I didn't write it. I didn't help write it. I have no idea who wrote it. But I have an email telling me I'm a co-author and I took a screencap of me being able to access it, and before removing myself, I could have removed the entire work and more. I don't know who the author intended to co-credit, but I wished I could have contacted them and discussed it.
I could be having a multiple memory moment. But I'm usually pretty damn good remembering fic.
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If you're near an Ikea? I'd grately appreciate you picking up a container of Elderflower Concentrate for me. Pretty. Pretty. Please. It's something that can only be picked up at a store; it's a day trip for me to get to said store, especially if tis just for one or even two bottles. And the price to quality ration is exceptional.
ETA: In case you hadn't guessed, had elderflower syrup w/ soda this past Chrismtas, also elderflower liquier. So so scrumptious. I never knew. I never. knew.
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| 12:08AM | Sun, January 1st | 2012 |
| Happy New Year |
| Public |
| -- |
| the year: 2012 |
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Happy Secular Western Gregorian New Year Folks. I am wishing you all well in 2012.
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I'm starting the new year not stressing. I'm recovering from my visit, feeling a little achy, and really, wanting nothing so much than warm sofa cuddles w/ my cat. But my visit really helped sort my brain out about things; something I wasn't expecting at all. My whole year got put into perspective and I'm looking at the new year with perspective too. Of course... I can't help the various little superstitious omen focused part of me that's freaking out cause I'm not getting dressed up, going anywhere, and haven't bothered with champagne, or sparkling cider and truthfully, I haven't bought up a whole bunch of groceries either. I really wanted to rest, so I have. And having an absolutely stocked cupboard can wait until the new year.
Or at least I tell myself that, while another part of myself freaks out about everything.
Still, if I want to go into the new year w/ anything, I want to accept both how far I've come, where I am, where I can go, what I can do, and what my current limits are. Which means not running around SHOULDING all over myself. I stayed away longer than expected, which means that it just isn't timed up for me to recover to do things by today/tonight. So be it.
And fluffy belly cuddles is nothing to turn my nose up at either.
Meanwhile, I want to try and make bean pie in the new year. Don't ask me what I'm taking - I have no clue. Usually the concept of baking + crust + keeping things chilled + gluten free would have me screaming, but... I want to make the attempt.
I'm eying things on Amazon for 'kitchen supplies' despite originally having wanted to buy a little mini trampoline for exercise (I know! It took someone pointing it out to me, for me to get how far I've come, where I have the 'energy' to consider doing anything for exercise, moving beyond just what I need to survive, far less the trigger issues around it). But I think it'd help w/ my health, lymph wise to be a little non knee strain bouncy. Pity Amazon raised the price like whoa since I last looked.
I spent Xmas week dealing w/ 'what did I do this year' / 'what will I do next year' stuff. And I don't really want to talk about it too much. I'm settled. Which I suppose is why I'm focusing on NOT shoulding all over myself - accepting I need to plan things out, I need recovery time and none of that means I don't have things planned or in motion, or the money saved up, or have somehow absconded from responsibility.
As for my writing; someone I love very much said to me, they thought my problem is I want to write too much, and have so much to say I don't know where to start. And I hadn't thought of it that way before. But it feels right. And so I'm doing to be looking at that differently too. And what I write. Because what I write and what I read? Might be 2 very different things. VERY different. And there's a lot of me to sort out as well. So yeah, unique perspective there to make peace with. (maybe every body gets a book/story)
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| 05:41PM | Thu, December 29th | 2011 |
| Ahem Ahem. Cough Cough. Chair Scrape. Holiday Related (Part 1) |
| Public |
| holiday related |
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This unfortunately starts out with some irritations. I mentioned before that my sibs and mother never got a box with one of their sets of gifts. When I did check the UPS tracking, I was told something about 'unable to deliver to address'. So uhmm, how is that possible when you leave a note IN the damn po box, saying there's a problem? What? Anyway, I'm hoping to get a FULL ass refund from those people. Cause I got no email notification and no phone notification, but THEY asked for everything under the sun as contact info. Seriously? If I'm meant to be logging in on my own to the shipping company and putting all that on there, cause these people can't put it in the damn address label after asking me for it? I want all my money back, and my information purged from their databases. So not pleased at all.
Amazon.com promptly gave a refund on something else that showed up horrifically groddy. I honestly don't know how it ended up coming from a 3rd party seller when it's the same damn price new from Amazon and costs the same, and fell in under 25+ for shipping. But it did. And now I'll have to pay shipping to get my brother the damn book I'd wanted him to have in the 1st place. Since 3rd party resellers can't reship cause their stock is always in flux. So, grr there. So much grr.
... I bought some batteries along the same time, different 3rd party seller via Amazon. Left neutral feedback. To my mind, 'Average'. It was average service for an average product. Not awful, average. I got an instant email 'What's wrong? Why did you hate us?'. And I just got a fucking PHONECALL. 'What's wrong? Why do you hate us?! What did we do?'. On the one hand, I'm glad for the prompt customer service. If the people who are involved in the mix up w/ the toys I bought my family were this prompt etc, that box wouldn't be on it's way back to them, and I wouldn't be worried about if they'll refund my shipping as well as the cost of the products. But it's freaking me out on the other hand and I feel mildly harassed that AVERAGE equals a CALL TO ARMS. WTF? An average review equals a personal phone-call? Average? a 3? Not a two. Not a one. A three. Average. Neutral. Seriously? So it seems they WOULD rather, I NEVER left feedback at all, than do average. And then they want me to delete it. And that, that constant plea to delete it. That, I think is what is truly getting on my nerves. Seriously? A phone call? Not even ten minutes after an email?
Now I'm all distracted about other stuff I was going to say needing to hunt down replacement gifts, if possible, depending on monies returned, etc...etc...
Managed to call most my aunts for Xmas (one did not turn on her phone so...). Called my mom, spoke to my family. They enjoyed the gifts that did arrive. So that's good and sweet. Haven't talked to them much since, want to try and do so before they end up going back to school.
I am currently all visited out. I'm trying to pull myself together enough for Zvi's bday. But that might end up a whole lot of flopping about like drunken rabbits at my place, and watching murder victims or something. Because out of it. So. damn. out of it.
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| 12:26AM | Thu, December 29th | 2011 |
| -- |
| Public |
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Home. Exhausted. More later.
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| 03:37PM | Mon, December 26th | 2011 |
| Grr Arrgh |
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So the gifts I was most worried about possibly showing up broken or the like? Never showed up. For some reason, UPS decided it coudln't deliver to a PO Box. The place I ordered it from? I checked. They DO deliver to PO Boxes and I now have a screencap I'm mailing to myself on that front.
My bad? Not sending my mother the tracking number so she could keep track of things. I didn't think of it. But wtf? It couldn't be held for pick up? What? So, it's arriving back where it was shipped from, TODAY self. And the place is closed. I called? It says tis closed. So, not a soothing thing AT effing ALL. Sent an email. May call when I finally get home in a day or so.
But so effing agitated.
And I kept calling my mother and asking about packages too. But she just 'assumed' she had everything. Ugh. And she NEVER once told me there'd been a problem with it. So, angry at everyone. Seriously. If she'd ever said a word, I'd have see what I could do. But no, nothing. No mention to me of any problems.
On top of it, a book I bought NEW? Showed up OLD, water damaged and foul smelling. So msg left w/ Amazon and hopefully they will fix this shit. I had to buy it new, so I don't know WTF happened that it showed up as it did. The price new and used was the same, so I just bought the damn thing new.
Anyway, I'd wanted to talk a bit about the holidays, and stuff, but now, not so much. Agitated. And I'd finally calmed down with my father confirming he had a clue (thought through clue) about how I'm getting home. Need to push it a little later, cause y'know, cat. I worry about her. She should have enough food, especially since she tends to eat less when I'm not there (precautionary kitty wants NOT to starve). But y'know...
I'm wound up all the same.
I'm told that delivery problems means, the people I bought it from should just resend - but y'know, I worry. Money money money. And damn if I'm not really irritated my mother never mentioned there'd been problems. ARRGH.
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| 07:58AM | Sun, December 25th | 2011 |
| Happy Christmas! |
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Happy Family Feastmas to all who celebrate, participate, enjoy and observe.
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| 10:00PM | Wed, December 21st | 2011 |
| Update |
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Made it safely to my Dad's place. It was a bit of an adventure. I really don't like the security theater in NYC at the train station. And coming up on my Dad's station,we got slowed by a freighter train.
Also, we are close to Vermont.
More later. Esp about how NOT my Dad looks w/ a beard.
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| 08:45AM | Wed, December 21st | 2011 |
| WTH? |
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Re: Livejournal's Site Scheme - I can't post. I don't know wtf is going on, and right now haven't the time to investigate. But if you don't see comments from me in the future, it's cause I couldn't even post just now, after logging into my defunct LJ account while in site scheme.
Anyway, heading out. Still freaking, trying not to.
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| 02:23AM | Wed, December 21st | 2011 |
| Hack. Cough. Contemplate |
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Packing. But in my mildly fevered daze, want to write this out / down before I forget it. I'm beginning to wonder, as I look up the Star Wars: The Old Republic stuff, if Lucas and the prequels are only part/half, perhaps of my disenchantment w/ the universe. Perhaps, the extended universe, via the novels, has more complexity. But hearing the Jedi Code and the Sith Code - I'm finding myself very full of; Extremes are never a truly good idea.
Maybe one day I'll hunt down the info on Sith Lore and all the rest. Well, not the Sith. But the supposed 'Dark Side' etc...etc.... I'm seriously confused, btw with it all. No emotions. Emotions bad! Never mind that Darth Vader is 'redeemed' via love. Never mind that Jedi apparently have friends, but somehow I guess platonic love won't lead to wanting to what? Protect that person? I don't. even. Meh.
Anyway: Headed out for the holidays, provided I can pick up the ticket. This ID thing... I need to get on that for the new year. It's difficult explaining to people, however, the emotional strength needed to deal with it. They just, even my Dad, unfortunately, shake their heads (in voice/tone or physically) and wonder why I can't just 'get on that'.
Been having panic attacks on and off all day. Mild ones. Don't know if it's the upcoming trip, or if I've missed a dose of something and haven't gotten back on track - that's possible w/ the doctor, medicine, blah blah wtf that's been going on w/ me.
*Forgot to post.
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ow
sore
contemplative
cynical
agonized
anxious