Reality vs Perception
I just called my father, full of sad face, because I accidentally deleted his birthday message to me. It was my way of reminding myself that I CAN just call him to hear his voice. I don't have to quite hold on to things like voice-mail to do so. And it was very helpful to hear him call me a silly goose and say he'll call me later and leave me a new message to save. I KNOW he's right there now, and I can call him, I have his number. And yet, I've been holding on to that message since March; hoarding it like a treasure. So much of me, sometimes, is still a little girl fighting to have a relationship with him despite my mother's disapproval - it surprises and hurts me a little to realize that.