|Willow (the_willow) wrote,|
@ 2011-09-04 20:50:00
|Current mood:||tired of being misunderstood|
Making It Plain
My post on asexual diversity - was a post where I pondered the voices it felt like I haven't been hearing in the conversations I've found. I do not believe pondering at the lack of different perspectives in the writing provided to be erasing the fact that there (obviously) are asexuals from all backgrounds, ability status and varied ethnicities and cultures.
ETA: I've also realized I've been hunting down old posts, not just because a timeline of things would be good to have. But because I felt I had to prove I've been steadily trying to figure things out. As if I don't know what I search engine, and look up, and ponder all the time. As if, if I don't have published proof of my thoughts, then what I've been trying to sort out for myself isn't real. I realized I was looking for proof for one particular person, because I felt my feelings would not be recognized/believed/supported otherwise. I've realized that I've subconsciously been thinking, that this person represented the whole of an identity label, and every single person using that identity label would be just like per; demanding proof.
I haven't been afraid of myself and where my thoughts go. I've been afraid of that person; of their judgement, of possibly losing their companionship and affection. Which seems bitterly ironic, all told, as I'm in the midst of re-evaluating my own wants and needs, past compromises and definite lack of prior enthusiastic consent in things.
I'm making this realization public, so I can't hide this fear/forget this apprehension and despair.