Memory & Reality Hitting Me Hard
Been in my head today, about a time I told a white woman that her actions had made me feel unsafe. Her response was basically; OMG, HOW DARE YOU CLAIM THAT I AM UNSAFE. I AM ROCKED TO MY VERY CORE! Right now, I'm just pondering my instincts. A lot's happened since that time (in the world, in my life), and I am seriously effing amazed at my instincts, and my word choice. Especially because of certain situations with me, aspects of myself, and it being the younger ones shouting 'Unsafe'; being the loudest.
Recently I have seen so damn much talking about white ppl not having backs during racist situations. White ppl being in collusion, being silent, making excuses and all that contributing to an environment where PoC just. aren't. safe. Where unarmed PoC get shot, where PoC children get arrested in school for having a tantrum, where PoC woman are disappeared and killed damn near without any official comment or reaction, because the response isn't horror, but 'They must have been doing something wrong/They must have deserved it'.
But right now I'm thinking, oddly enough; big lie little lie, little lie big lie; little environment, small interpersonal interactions -> the wider reams of society; the wider realms of society -> one on one communications. Macroaggressions microaggresssions, microaggressions macroaggressions. Or y'know, the even more old school; what you do at home, you tend to do out the house, and what you do out the house you often bring home.
I'm thinking recently about comments that waiting for 'the old guard' to die off, won't ever work; Because the old guard keeps rotating in new soldiers in their anti-racist regime. I used to strongly believe it was possible to just, wait it out. I feel lucky to know some amazing parents with some amazing kids. But waiting out doesn't happen for everything, can't happen for everything (and for a very good reason) and while waiting, there's bullshit after bullshit, atrocity after atrocity. But it's sneaky, because you see; cis, het, cab, white men? They can be gay. And thus when the old racist, sexist, guard rotates in new members; some of those new members will be gay. And so, slowly, the old guard will change its thinking. But the Kyriarchy ain't ever going to rotate in PoC. Heck, they still haven't rotated in White Women; they had to go and form their own 'us only' club.
So there it is. There. it. is. And I'm feeling incredibly old school and my grandmother's generation, because all of a sudden there are dynamics and facets to; watch how they treat their family, watch how they treat their friends, watch how they are at home. Cause damn, that does say a lot more then any label a person wants to claim.