Apparently I should have picked up Burning Bridges ( Laura Anne Gilman) at the beginning of January when I was hanging out at the library with Zvi. Because now no one has it to send to me.
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Question - Is there gay/yaoi tentacle hentai? And if so where would I find some?
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Power just went out in my building. Everyone opened their doors to check and see if the lights were out in the hallway too - calling to one another "303 you alright? 304? Someone check 311. Anyone live in 305?"
A tiny moment of neighbourhood in this hell hole where people just try to survive and not get screwed too painfully by the landlord.
I return to my last cookie and try to re-create my happy sugar coma now.
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Power in my building just went out for the second time within a 20-30 min period. Building security says they're 'checking things out' and they'll call the Electric Company if they need to.
I am not comforted.
Hell, I hadn't even opened my last cookie yet and my chest hurts from the instant panic attack from everything going haywire.
Also this can't be good for my computer - not that I'll be able to afford even a 5 min battery anytime soon - what with the move that I'm currently not thinking about.
If I had books to read offline, I'd stay offline. Maybe I should try and stay offline anyway? Damn.
Just called the electric company at9:30pm and reported it via the automated system. Supposedly things would be fixed by 1am Feb 1st.
9:58pm - BGE just called. There shouldn't be any more outages. They did have a problem in the area and now it should be repaired. Guess it's a good thing I called huh - cause security certainly isn't calling every apt, or knocking on doors, or announcing it in the halls, even though the building still has the speaker system from being a school.
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I have 3 depressed and moody and slightly despairing friends at the moment.
I want to be there for them.
I like being able to be there for them.
But right now I have nothing to give.
I tried.
And I could feel my metaphorical fingernails scraping the bottom of the barrel which is my soul, and scoring lines of blood.
My own mood starting sinking so fast it felt like the room was spinning.
I hate having nothing there to give. I loathe it. Maybe it's more important to me than it should be. But these friends, these are the connections to life that keep me -here-. These are the reasons I don't say 'fuck effort and fuck you world and fuck trying and fuck emotions' and just ...
So I'm depressed and I feel useless.
Thank you fucking 2008.
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depressed