Date: 2008-05-22 14:39 Subject: I miss Perfect World Security: Public Mood: artistic Music: Perfect World Theme Tags: game: perfect world, online: games

I think I'm going to log in and play a bit tonight or tomorrow. And I definitely want to create another character - characters are FUN :) I want a nice sparkly Elf magician. Female. Who resembles my fav x-man character :) Oh yes I do.

I don't think I care -too- much about not being the target market for stuff anymore. At some point someone will figure out; pretty game, over arching storyline, and a mode/option for players who don't want to go smashing each other and stealing loot. I actually want to, y'know, fantasize about the politics and blah blah blah. I want to role play in the land of the pretty.

I mean half of my major fun with the game was thinking up backstories for the characters I was creating.

Gessy the son of an armorer & a magician, both male.

Illydia, a librarian archer.

Sasha and Shauna, the twins...

Huh, maybe Perfect World's gift to me is character creation for fic. Cause damn if I don't see a story possibility right this bloody second.

*goes to scribble*

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Date: 2008-05-22 15:16 Subject: Something's Missing. What is it? Security: Public Mood: confused Tags: fuckwittery07 - livejournal, online: journaling systems, online: life, scribblet now inksome

There was a flurry of posts over on LJ in APRIL (I will look for more links later) all about whether or not iJay was viable for the long haul. squeaky actually went and replied to Synecdochic's entry, detailing his expertise, work and programming history and that he is indeed thinking ahead.

A few days later, Scribblit got transferred to Staff_Kit and then became Inksome.

I was a bit teed-off at the pokes to Insanejournal. It felt to me like people on LJ, who aren't here and aren't interacting daily and weekly with squeaky and had decided not to move, had no business spreading doubt about the service. I realize that's my personal opinion and that it was very much a reaction of "But you don't even live in my neighbourhood! Stop talking crap about it!".

But now I'm on the other side. The moment Inksome became Inksome, it felt to me more like a hobbysite than a current or future business. And I realize part of that is, once I got my early contributor account, things kept messing up over there, so I never uploaded icons and I stopped crossposting and haven't done much of anything with the account. I was waiting for things to settle. I haven't made a home there, and suddenly the community organizer / development planning company changed hands and I was left all 'WTF?'

The people who have put down roots in that neighbourhood no doubt feel comfortable there and don't have the questions I do about whether or not Inksome will be able to handle things in the long haul. They've developed relationships with each other and with the people who'll become the new staff.

I understand that.

And yet it does squat all for making me feel better about using the journal. All the changing hands reminds me of LJ. The fact that the original organizer/creator loss interest and enthusiasm, reminds me of Brad. And the possibility of another Greatestjournal - something invested in that then goes belly up a few years later, LOOMS like a fricking GIANT.

I know that GJ gave what it could while it could and that's not something to turn my nose up at. I made friends on GJ. I met people on GJ that either led me to people, or on their own have ended up becoming integral parts of my life. But Livejournal's FUCKWITTERY cost me a home. I had my LJ longer than I had and maintained my website. I had my lj longer and consistently than any other part of my online life since I came online in 1996. I know what a home online feels like. And now suddenly, LJ's asshattedness means that I need to have a city-home and country-home and a beach-home, so no matter what, there's a place for me to rest my head and breathe online.

So I understand my need to have a strong sense of stability before I commit content.

What I don't understand is what integral bit do I think is missing from Inksome that I don't feel comfortable making it one of my homes. Cause if I knew, I'd send email to the person in charge and suggest they do something so others who feel like I do would feel more welcome/soothed/SOMETHING.

But I don't know what's missing. I just feel like something is. And it's frustrating.

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Date: 2008-05-22 17:12 Subject: On Immigration As Exile Security: Public Mood: sad Tags: about me

There's nothing like seeing pictures of where you grew up online, and feeling like some appropriating stranger, because you're trying so hard to fit your memories to pictures and your memories are fifteen to twenty years or more old.

It's at once a part of me, and something not of me and it's confusing as hell. Especially because I could reach out to strangers who have blogs talking about the area I grew up, and the traditions, including themselves as part of it. But I'm not sure I want the feeling of belonging and family like that, more than the feeling of family I've created.

Though, is it that I don't want the stress of being watched? Or is it I don't want the pain of being rejected, for being me, being gay and speaking up about mental illness?

This place, these people helped form what I think of as beauty and effort and determination. Intellectually I know they're a part of me. But I touch the photos on the screen and I cry, because I know they're also not.

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