By Any Other Name - December 17th, 2011
the tale of Willow

Date: 02:55AM | Sat, December 17th | 2011
Subject: MMPORPG: Star Wars - The Old Republic
Security: Public
Mood:hungry, disappointed, mildly pissed hungry, disappointed, mildly pissed
Tags:#social justice issues: media representa, games: general, genre: scifi & fantasy

The fairy dust dropped off the Franchise for me w/ the prequels - perhaps even earlier w/ the revised originals. Tried to sleep, it ended up being a nap. Internet currently working for the moment - I watched a let's play. Only thing going through my head in that 1st episode? What are the Jedi doing on a planet that has native inhabitants - calling said inhabitants hostile cause they don't like that someone came and set up shop in their home? WTF is it 'OMG, they're primitive but now they have guns!' With the strong implication that some outsider power is supplying them and thus these natives have no agency and exist to be killed, for HP. My frowny face, people. My frowny face.

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Date: 06:46PM | Sat, December 17th | 2011
Subject: Not So Holy Day
Security: Public
Mood:frustrated & upset frustrated & upset
Tags:about family, fail fail everywhere, things that suck, willow's warren

At 3:50am this morning, I heard a man shouting upstairs. TL:DR decided not to call the police, after checking it wasn't already the police - because domestic squabbles can be messy and I was afraid for the children. But I did stay up, listening, in case things changed and I had to. Turns out I wasn't hearing everything as much as I thought through the vents. And things were so bad, the upstair's neighbour's young teenage son ran away from home. She was frantic looking for him near 10:30am today. I'm praying and hoping they found him, or he got his arse back home. The neighbour says if I ever hear her raising her voice, call for help. I honestly... I did honestly worry things would get worse. I'm not sure she'll understand that fact. But....

And my brother just called me, to say my stepfather is playing the fool about getting the dog to the vet; and it's had rat poison. I had decided to wait until Christmas, to see if the Dog's Christmas present would be a doghouse so the dog would be safe from authorities worried about. I never stopped to consider that the news he told me, was news that could stir a vengeful neighbour to possibly throw rat poison over the fence. The first dog my siblings ever had? It died, from a neighbour throwing rat poison over the fence (different neighbour, different house). But still.

I cannot believe my stepfather is running around trying to get activated charcoal and NOT also calling a vet. My brother looked up on his phone that things were more complicated than getting the dog to throw up, or getting the poison absorbed. They are, it's about vitamin K and internal bleeding and it's XMAS. Just go to the vet and spend the damn money. How you gonna let the children's dog die for stinginess on XMAS? As if they give a damn about presents, if their pet dies.

For myself, yesterday I bought something from Walgreen's, then forgot it there. I called. They were to hold it for me to get there today. Hopefully it's still being held and I can pick it up tomorrow. Cause I ended up crashing so damn heard at noon. I also did early morning cooking to keep me busy while I was waiting out the noise upstairs and thus was physically exhausted too.

It's absolutely self indulgent and selfish - but when I think of the trouble i went to this month, to get gifts, specific type gifts, for all my siblings AND my mother - cause this year has been so stressful for them.... The gifts I got? Cannot, CANNOT alleviate the OMGWTFPAINSORROW of losing yet another pet, in a similar manner due to my stepfather's selfishness.

I can't get my mom on the phone. And I begin to think the situation is more complicated than even my brother knows. Cause I called my sister, thinking my mother might be with her, and it seems likely my sister is at the mall, keeping my littlest brother occupied while all this is going on. I can't even.

Cannot. even.

And please, this is not a case of my being blithe about what finances and resources my family has. I know there are emergency funds, an emergency credit card and practically? For the sake of the kids? Their paternal grandmother would pay the damn vet bill, if it came to that. Heck, I would contribute what little funds I have - cause it's family.

I can't even. Really can't even. And I'm just... I am now more glad I won't be there. Because I could not handle, once again, being a living present, to make up for the shit going on in that house. It's exhausting.


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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016