|09:16AM | Mon, August 13th | 2012
|I Missed The Whole Olympics
Tumblr kept me up to date on stuff; that I then went and found on youtube. But not having cable - and being unable to get my digital converter to work (I had trouble getting cable without a power booster, so I'm beginning to wonder if a digital converter can work in my garden/basement apartment) - I wasn't even exposed to NBC, which seems more and more like it was a good thing.
Once upon a time I dreamed about the Olympics. I couldn't be pulled away from track and field (specifically) and gymnastics or rthymic gymnastics. And I really didn't do much at all - I didn't care to fuss to find anything.
I'm so tired of the Americancentric converage of so many things; of the white centric coverage - I just couldn't willingly go through any of it. My thoughts were with the athletes, all of them, but I couldn't make myself hunt down a stream to watch.
Given therapy this past Friday; I'm probably still fighting off a lot of depression and anxiety about some things (mentioned privately.) And I'm in shock, still, I think. It could last a little while, I'm told. There was one terrifying, horrible, black-hole, firepain, heart thumping horrifying moment that even thinking about to write this, leaves me with tears in my eyes and the slight shakes.
Meanwhile... meanwhile iJay's gotten extremely lonely - in the sense of not that many people writing about their daily lives here anymore. Which isn't good. Journal network/socializing helps me feel less disconnected from the world. That hasn't been happening lately. I have priorities to figure out.
I should be asleep right now; but I'm currently wound up. I contemplating popping outto pick some things up, since I am up. But Friday utterly exhausted me. With additional pain issues. It kind of scared me. My therapist mentioned a huge shock, even just emotional can make the body crave protein to heal. I think it's also tensed me up, set my skeleton out of tune again, and walking on Friday didn't help - nor did carrying a heavy bag of groceries (other people stop in a restaurant for a treat of a meal, I buy and cook mine at home to prevent allergies).
Thursday and Wed, I was having serious tracking issues. At one point I went outside and forgot I'd just turned the stove on. I'm fine. The apt is fine. I do need to buy a new frying pan. But it's making me hesitant to leave the house - Friday's exhaustion likely also came from how much concentration it took to be out dealing with traffic and strangers.
Also the latter half of the year's beginning to be a very anxiety inducing, depressing time for me.