InsaneJournal

Current mood:	confused
Entry tags:	about me, fandom: culture, online: culture

Ramblings On Fannish Quality of Life / Fannish Growth
I haven't looked at Metafandom over at LJ in weeks, possibly months. I just checked my feed today and scrolling down I realized I didn't really want to read any of the posts mentioned. I haven't been reading and yet I still found out about the things that I like being aware of. But I didn't have to put up with so much "Slash vs The Patriarchy" or "Grammar & You" or "Vidding Etiquette & How To's". Though truthfully the last bit I'm kind of curious about as a natural outcropping of my love of film and cinematography. But with Meta-fandom on del.icio.us now, I can choose to just look for vidding when my head's in the right space to read about vidding.

Am I becoming less of a (media) fan?

I shifted from fiction to meta without quite realizing I was going exclusive on one and mostly absent on the other. I don't participate in ficathons, mostly because I don't enjoy most of the new little black dresses. And I've begun to find most of the meta listed on Meta fandom to be ... lacking. I know part of my scrutiny right now is because I'm coming off the heels of Amanda Marcotte & The Straw That Broke WoC Blogger's Back. I did see one interesting article in about a month and a half worth of entries.

But it was exploring a topic I'd already explored with the former roommate. So it didn't say anything new, even if I enjoyed reading it written out. And then I just couldn't deal with looking at the comments. My mental voice was all 'You don't need the stress'.

Just how wrapped up in the feminism that needs change is slash and media fandom in the first place? Does dissatisfaction with one naturally lead to dissatisfaction with the other?

Is this growth or just change? And change to what?

It's difficult to figure it out when it doesn't seem to have positives but instead a giant blinking neon sign of : DO NOT WANT.



I do not want to read more about sex, sexuality and how writing slash is somehow queer or queering or a recruitment avenue for gender equality allies. I want to say it's because I don't believe it does that. But I'm not 100% sure it's not a stepping stool of some sort.

I do not want to read more about "Is this new aspect of fandom ruining fandom??!"

Also, I think I've just plumb lost respect for individuals who write posts all concerned about fandom, on livejournal. They complain, but stay. They rant, but stay. And it's not as if they're agitating for change or demanding certain needs be met. They just stay cause that's where everyone is. And then they complain that everyone's doing the same thing, the same way, ranting about the same stuff, getting too involved in the same fests (which is apparently the new 'omg fandom what are we doing?!' thing. It's tiring.

And maybe I stalled to get here, but I think the truth is, half the things I used to read on MetaFandom I can no longer read, because they're filled with cluelessness. Cluelessness and ignorance and a need for hand holding and I just don't have time/energy. I'm grateful to the older fans, more knowing fans who led me to the path of media fandom and said "Here, these are your people." But... it doesn't feel that way anymore.

Deadbrowalking feels like my people. Comic fandom and those blogging and urging for change? Those feel like my people. Media fandom and it's love affair with the same tired tropes that people make excuses for because ZOMG x actor and y actor are so hot together and c actor is so cute and kickass and...

It feels like at least in comic fandom when someone's being blind to the forest for the trees, they're talking about history and continuity and artwork and writing quality and story telling...

Am I just old?

Are the actual discussions that aren't sex, and smut, and PWP and hot icons and omg this show is horrible but HE GOT WET! - are they all pitched at some frequency I can't hear and see? Like the supposed bumblebee ring tones?

People change and grow and maybe that's what's happening. But I thought it'd feel different. I thought I'd move on and be excited about the next step and smile in nostalgia about the last. I didn't think I'd look at my old foundation and go "So fucking generic" Generic read - white, cluelessly, plotless, unrealistic but pretty.