InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Of Couse Tweak. I will!"

Willow (the_willow) wrote,
@ 2008-05-16 03:48:00

Current mood:	tired
Entry tags:	about me, health: physical, online: culture

Thoughts
I should go bed.

I was staying up for a bunch of reasons. Stubbled across the 37th Edition of the Disability Blog Carnival.

There are accounts there that made me break into tears - which feels huge since I was already triggered earlier. But I'm going to read through it more tomorrow. I've been feeling so frustrated and scared lately; about moving, about being even less useful in terms of lifting and dealing with boxes. I feel guilty for not moving everything out of the back bedroom - even though I was pacing so I wouldn't hurt myself and I -didn't- count on having to go downtown, which made me extra exhausted.

And I've been noticing so many people with canes. I used to see, or notice maybe three a day and usually the same people in the same areas. But just today there must have been twenty. Young, old, fat, skinny, black, white; didn't matter. I used to have to give people a bad angry look, or dig out my card - if I felt up to confrontation and needed to sit down and there was someone there expecting me to get up to give up my seat. Cause I didn't look needy.

Now people get up for me. The bus drivers automatically lower the damn bus. I've hurt myself less climbing up and down.

Even while I'm absorbing all this, I'm so angry at having symptoms treated instead of someone listening to me and thinking of tests to figure out what's wrong. I mean "Your joint's inflamed, it's nothing serious." That doesn't tell me anything. And it might not be major but something's happening. It didn't just do this on it's own.

*sighs, goes to bed*

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pandorasblog
2008-05-16 04:38 am UTC (link)

I think doctors are often so damn specialised that they look at things in isolation. ::hug:: I'm sorry you're not getting the kind of information that you can use.

Also, I've kept meaning to say how much I appreciated your comment on my BADD post. Your experience did indeed cross my mind when I was writing about how people get stereotyped if their circumstances mean that they face intersecting prejudices.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	the_willow 2008-05-16 02:05 pm UTC (link)
	I'd prefer becoming aware of intersectionality because I want to be a better person, human being, than because so many damn sets include me. But it is what it is and sometimes you've got to hold onto some silver lining or go crazy. hugs (Reply to this) (Parent)

	the_rck 2008-05-16 08:36 pm UTC (link)
	I know that, when I use a cane, 75% percent of the benefit I get isn't physical assistance in balance or supporting weight or anything like that. It reminds me to be careful and serves as a signal to other people that, yes, I really do need extra time, that seat near the front of the bus and so on. I'm no different with a cane, but the response I get is hugely different. (Reply to this)

	viridian5 2008-05-24 12:56 pm UTC (link)
	I get tired of doctors just treating symptoms instead of addressing the causes. I also get tired of how even the experts at The Chiari Institute won't look at my Chiari-related hormonal or stomach trouble. In my opinion, specialization has ruined medicine. (Reply to this)