InsaneJournal

Current mood:	thoughtful
Entry tags:	#sexuality issues: gender, about me, question everything, thoughts on: life

How Slash Changed My Feminism
Do note my feminism extends only as far as the title. I've been leaning heavily towards secular womanist since I got fed up with the femiblosphere. There's a holistic (as in the big picture) view of the world I've found in womanist writings. The secular bit is because I'd like a little less religion in my gender equality. But that's just me.

Rape apologists get called out, and then begin to defend their position aka The Ants Nest Of Feminism Gets Stirred And Everyone Trying To Be Queen - Attacks, Attacks, Attacks.

What does this have to do with slash?

Well, before I read slash, before I became part of the slashy fannish community; reading, writing, doing meta - I couldn't handle men. I couldn't deal with them. I didn't want to be around them. I was very upset I even found some of them attractive.

Most of the men in my life have been violent; violent, abusive, domineering sons of bitches. Uncles to sheriffs and then some. I did not trust gentle men. I did not trust the concept. I didn't even like gay men, though I could tolerate them more than other males, because to me at least they'd had experiences of being the powerless one at some point in their life, or being picked on.

And then there was slash and men became individuals, or at least male characters did. They weren't unfathomable. They had motives I could understand. They had impulses and urges that they controlled. They had screwed up parents and screwed up values and sometimes they realized they were screwed up, but they didn't know what to do to change.

It was a personal revelation.

Men were put in a context where I could understand them. Morever, these men were being written by women. I was experiencing women writing men as trusthworthy; and not prince on a horse fantasy men either. I was experiencing women making references to traits a character had that was like; their brother, their father, their male best friend.

It dawned on me that my one sided world was fear based and incredibly so. It dawned on me that there was a wide and vast array of personalities and identities in the world that were also male.

I read more.

I read about male characters trying to figure out what it meant to be male. The best thing about reading slash and slashy coming out stories was watching male character after male character do this questioning of self and this questioning of what they'd learned from society. And I realized that I'd never questioned what I'd learned from society about men.

And so I did.

And then I realized there were men floating in the orbit of my life who weren't hiding who they really were - as I'd always thought they were. Being in tears over a separation from their family wasn't an act. And I could relate it back to the stories I'd read. And then I began to build on that and poke at it and experiment with online friendships with men, and take the time to actually talk to the gay men in my life, or the male therapists walking around the clinic.

It totally broadened my perspective on FTM transgendered individuals. Because there was a very stand-offish kind of respect before,(everyone should get to be themselves) but it was absolutely dripping in "Why would they want to give up being female?" But I took the time to get to know those in my sphere; acquaintances and friends of my then current gf or members of her church. And I listened. And I learned.

Maybe fear and rage aren't what's causing this whole 'All Men Are Rapists & Brutes. Feminine Supreme Power Now!' attitude that I saw and disliked, among other things, within the groups self labeling as feminist.

But slash changed my life. Slash turned men into people. And people could be good or bad, decent or rogues, respectful or thoughtless, cruel and self centered. People can be manipulative or peaceful negotiators. People can find ways to channel their wants and needs safely, or they can pick bar fights and get off on other brutalization.

People can get trapped by societies' roles and scriptures and cultural expectations. People can get hurt trying to be themselves, individuals, in the face of that.

I already knew this of women. I expanded it to all people. My world changed.

It's a nicer world.

Best of all, I've gained allies and true, good, friends that I otherwise wouldn't have. I've gained people I trust. I've gained my brothers, who I can look at and respect and love without the backburning fear that they'll grow up to be something else, something OTHER.

There have been a lot of little steps taking me away from a feminism that to me has become all about grrl power! And less about equality for all human beings.

Slash changed my political objectives in life. It changed my philosophies.

That's pretty damn mind blowing for a little bit of fanfiction.