|Willow (the_willow) wrote,|
@ 2008-06-19 21:11:00
|Entry tags:||about me, therapy / therapy day, thoughts on: life|
This is not a 'I hate LJ Post'
I cringed when folk came into my journal and gave yonmei a hard time over her views on the prospective LJ representative board member. It was awkward. Then I discover that the chosen representative has since flocked her journal and I haven't heard that she's opened/created a new journal distinctly for interacting with lj users.
This is not a 'I hate LJ Post'. This is more of a gee fuck post.
It's always so odd when people have a disagreement in your post. A disagreement, as in opposing views vs when someone is being bungfuck nuts and the rest of your flist is all 'Oh no you didn't think you'd do that without a foot up your arse!'
I'm never quite sure what to do, usually I let it play itself out as long as both(or more) people are being respectful. Which is what I did this time. If anyone has suggestions on what else to do, I'm all ears.
Another thought I want to discuss, however, is how journaling systems can be so important they can aggravate friendships and online interactions. I realized recently that a certain comment cemented my turn off a particular individual which has lead to me feeling 'fuck you' to a project they're undertaking. And I'm not sure if I'd be all 'Hurrah!' for the project if the person hadn't turned me off.
And I've been having to remind myself that liking someone is an individual thing. As much as I can't fathom what people who do like me see in me. I'm not sure I could explain fully why I don't like another person - why they're off to me. I might be able to point to something they said that rubbed me completely wrong. But how much of that (especially online) is presentation and how much of that is what they actually said?
Moreover, I'm discovering my personality is such that it's pissing me off to realize this person associates with individuals I really care about. It's aggravating and upsetting and feels oddly childish and yet I know these feelings are real and I know I'm forming associations, unconscious or un thought through. So I'm not sure what I'm labeling childish - my approach to the situation? How unfair I think it is? The sensation of feeling caught? Is there some kind of feeling od disloyalty? Some 'how could they?' ?
I have no idea. It's irksome. I wish I'd remembered it to discuss in therapy - but currently the move is eating up a lot of my therapy sessions.
But journaling systems; the personal, the public, the sense of community, the fine line between being a content provider and a company asset while being a private individual. If LJ did anything in 2007 it was to alert me to how I see and use the web. I don't do message boards. I haven't followed elists in a while. I get my news and current events and activist inspiration from journals and blogs. And journals in particular feel like more to me than a 'mere personal webpage'. And yeah, I said mere. Somehow that feels lesser to me, static. There's something about a journal someone updates at least 3times a week that makes it somehow them. And I still haven't come to any conclusions about what it means when that gets combined with business.