By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 10:54AM | Sun, September 4th | 2011
Subject: Is There Any Diversity Up In Here?
Security: Public
Mood:contemplative contemplative
Tags:#queer issues: q is for queer, #race issues: general, #sensuality issues: orientation, #sexuality issues: orientation

Where are the PoC Asexuals (on the internet)? Where are the discussions on intersectionality? Because I have to admit, I'm beginning to get kind of twitchy at what feels like a bunch of white people navel gazing and going "I'm more oppressed than you!" / "You are not more oppressed than us!" in the supposed Asexuals vs LGB(T) goings on I've found online.

I haven't even found much notes on age differences affecting things; generational gaps and understandings or misunderstandings or generational apprehension. I realized I just started looking at and looking for conversations. But uhm, I think I need some help?

Is there another name I should be looking for? The same way that SGL came up among AA Queers? Is there another term for Ethnic Minority Sexual Minorities? (Sexual Orientation Minorities? Relationship Minorities?)

I would really like to see some other points of view than twenty something white folk; or maybe it's just twenty something folk with semi limited life experiences outside their personal exploration of this particular topic?

I recognize that there is a certain amount of privilege involved in having time and space and lack of stress to ponder certain things; an ability not to be living hand to mouth, for one thing. The chance for relationships not to fall into us vs them, survival vs not; and for individuals to have had a chance to think on things at all. But I seriously doubt that it's only white folks pondering where they fit in in life, against the noises shouted at us via media and grooming consumerism demands. I know an indvidual or two, but that's not a community. Where is the community? Where are the thoughts? There has to be at least an NDN Asexual community somewhere, right?

And uhm, there's bound to be other minorities within this minority too, right? Where are the deaf asexuals? Or are they just not identifying themselves as such in the conversations I've found? Where are the disabled asexuals? Ollie ollie oxen free Asian gray a's? Where you at? Latino aromantics? Yoo hoo?! South Asian Demi's? Hello?! Where you hiding? I know you've got a voice.

Hmm. If more than dustbunnies and mothballs read my journal, I've a feeling my thoughts might be unpopular.

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Willow
Date: 04:38PM | Thu, September 1st | 2011
Subject: That Thing Where A Comment Ends Up A Mini Essay
Security: Public
Tags:#sexuality issues: orientation, about me, thinky thoughts

Comment:

I've become fairly jaded and bitter over the years when it comes to representation. And for one particular aspect of my identity, I prefer erasure because of how wrong and flamboyant and wrong they get it; it's not a plot point in a story, it's every day life. My everyday life. Several other people's everyday life.

But I had a therapy appointment on Tuesday where all I did was go 'There's a name for me!' Along with the realisation I'd been searching for one for YEARS and just feeling broken. So for the first time, I'm feeling the 'please sweet heavens, there's a word for that' and thinking a little differently, despite my bitterness, of having a reality broached in wider mediums.

It's one of the reasons I don't feel up to some broader discussions I've found. When people start debating the 'nature of oppression' or if oppression is worse than erasure, I think I might go off.

I'm sharply reminded of the circumstances, for some, in their later or even silver years, due to fear or hesitation or confusion or lack of freedom coming out as gay or queer. I find myself wondering at the age group in the discussions I've found. If there are people with an inkling of isolated communities, maybe some idea that there might be 'people like that' in 'big cities' somewhere. Maybe. And that's counting there were movies to hint at that. And with the knowledge such movies always implied such a 'lifestyle' was tragic and unhappy and horrible, but yeah, it/those people existed.

If they realize that there are people, older people, who in this day and age are still going "There's a word for that?!" Or 'That's what that word means? It's not something else?" Because who wants to identify with suicidal perverted depression wasted lives?

I keep wondering why they can't see the similarities or extrapolate to what it might be like to end up well past adolescence, even well past one's twenties when it seems most everyone else had their starting point and you with no clue you're not effed in the head.

Thinking of it that way, I think I can see why you got so excited at the thought of the word even being floated in a wider medium and possibly explored. So someone out there might go 'Wait, what? That's an option?!'

If definitions hadn't been floating around these last two to three years, I'd still be feeling like I was in a holding pattern to 'fix' myself. I realize my preferring erasure on that other part of me seems selfish given that, but it also falls under a possible 'to be fixed' label and the more outrageous representations could scare the stuffing out of someone managing a more or less regular life. There's no lesser evil there. But there might have been here, as you saw it.


This in reply to someone's post and the following conversation wherein they'd thought, for a moment, that DC was actually going to be mature in it's handling of it's teenager characters; specifically Tim Drake; specifically to do with asexuality. And then it turned out to all be a hoax.

Aside from the fact that I am now somewhat intrigued at the thought of Tim as asexual and more intrigued at an actual storyline about Kon exploring what it might mean to be Kryptonian and how being alien might affect things and how that meshes with living in a human society etc (and then I start to wonder if Tim would feel more at ease around alien teenagers than human teenagers who have certain societally implanted expectations) ... it sounds like something I'd have to look for in fanfiction, or write myself.

And there's the part where my lingering thoughts on the clashes of the various sexual minority visibility, knowledge and tolerance movements just spilled out over everything. I'd been trying to keep it contained, cause I still feel gestational. But I really, really, am struck with some similarities I'm surprised I haven't yet seen mentioned.

Maybe it's because my former therapist; Dr. Trust (yes, that's a good name for her) directed a silver/golden years group for gay seniors; specifically those now coming out. And she, on occasion, related instances/circumstances as applied to me then in my own sessions; I feel odd kinship to them. I'm not in my golden years, but I'm not a teenager, physically. I'm not even in my twenties anymore, biologically speaking (the very act of writing that down is kind of chest squeezy, because emotionally, that's right where I am and it's necessary I be there, so there's mental tension). But I'm very much relating to the only information available about oneself being information that qualifies you as dysfunctional, and broken. At having no clue you could be well adjusted and still not like the publicly shown mainstream.

Maybe I'm seeing things differently, because I can so easily see the harm that comes from being isolated in other areas, areas where people would think it wouldn't matter; like say race. Like perhaps being the only non-white family in an area and people thinking you act nothing like their conception of whichever non-white group stereotypes they assign to you so 'they don't think of you as not white' and 'you're not really non white' and 'you're practically white'. That does its own damage, to self, to community, to family, that causes alienation, isolation, judgements.

Heck, 'You're not like other girls / you're not like other boys' causes all sorts of pain and confusion and image issues. Erasure and ignorance and lack of information is part of what props up rigid roles; part of what props up the kyriarchy. People can't control you if you don't fit the mold they're been trained/prepped to control - among other things.

I just keep thinking of scenarios, ... )

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016