By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 02:29PM | Sun, June 19th | 2011
Subject: Bit of This & That
Security: Public
Tags:about my father, health: physical

Wished my father well (I believe today's Father's Day. If it's not, he didn't correct me). But it's also the weekend of his birthday, so there you go. In other news, the eyelid swelling and crud came back - and again, I b elieve this to be my body's delayed but in no way to be considered merely mild, reaction to allergens (in this case peanuts). **Sighs** Goodbye Reeses Cups.

Luckily Daddy didn't laugh. He just said, hey, some things happen to bodies later in life and now you know for sure and can protect yourself. I love my father, I really, really do.

Note: Peanuts(particularly dry roasted) = Blepharitis - Itchy eyes, pain, crustiness n'stuff.
Apparently someone can have a mild intolerance, which doesn't come across for occasional noms, but if they attempt to eat the allergen every day (and esp if there's stress).... which is what I'm pretty sure happened to my brother. And is definitely what happened to me with peanuts (and now I think about it, with gluten - and oh crap, possibly also with dairy!).

*Sigh* I wish I could find a nutritionist I could trust, one understanding of allergies and the like. But yeah, as a child I was under HUGE amounts of stress and had this eye situation; early morning crustiness n'stuff every day. And as asthmatic and was known to be allergic to several things (dust, pollen, etc).

Which takes me right back to just how darn easy going my Dad is about changing bodies, allergies, food preferences and the like. My Dad's probably a really normal father; willing to admit his mistakes, concerned for his children, wanting to be not their friend (perhaps until their older) but their parental confidant. But given my life history - it is just bloody amazing and gratifying.

ETA: Wait, what is this sprain-spasm pain in my back?

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Willow
Date: 01:17PM | Thu, June 16th | 2011
Subject: Reality vs Perception
Security: Public
Tags:about me, about my father

I just called my father, full of sad face, because I accidentally deleted his birthday message to me. It was my way of reminding myself that I CAN just call him to hear his voice. I don't have to quite hold on to things like voice-mail to do so. And it was very helpful to hear him call me a silly goose and say he'll call me later and leave me a new message to save. I KNOW he's right there now, and I can call him, I have his number. And yet, I've been holding on to that message since March; hoarding it like a treasure. So much of me, sometimes, is still a little girl fighting to have a relationship with him despite my mother's disapproval - it surprises and hurts me a little to realize that.

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Willow
Date: 11:54PM | Sat, June 19th | 2010
Subject: Life :)
Security: Public
Tags:about me, about my father

Laugh at me. I got so excited about calling my Dad for Father's day - completely forgot his birthday, despite having it on the calendar.

*laughs at self*

Just called him now though.

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Willow
Date: 11:55AM | Mon, December 22nd | 2008
Subject: In My Dad's House, Being All Daughterly
Security: Public
Tags:about me, about my father, about my siblings

Arrived safely, currently chilling while Dad goes to get breakfast fixings. Have already been informed that eggs and cheese go to my tummy - still gonna get to eat it for breakfast though. Had an odd night sleeping on the couch. My neck doesn't like me much, but my hips are fine. So it was soft enough, just not too good for the neck/spine.

Had lovely evening, so far have had lovely morning. Being in NYC is just odd though. They have snow up here and it's so cold the snow has frozen solid. Manhattan has really pretty Christmas decorations - There was a lovely design up with Moravian Stars (though last night all I could remember to call them was 'Advent Stars'.

Likely more to come later. But despite my usual fear of the house burning down when I'm not there - I'm doing ok and am really glad I came. Tomorrow I'll freak out about calling my other sibs for the holidays. Which reminds me, need to buy some more time for my phone if I want to chat with [info]fickle on Christmas any.

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Willow
Date: 06:04PM | Sun, August 17th | 2008
Subject: *hugs self*
Security: Public
Tags:about my father, my second family, willow's warren

I love my weekend conversations with my Dad!!!

Love love love!

I love the validation. I love the fact that MOLB is getting this informed, laid back parenting. And I love being loved!


Note taking about Willow's Sette )

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Willow
Date: 07:52PM | Sun, July 6th | 2008
Subject: Too cool for words!
Security: Public
Tags:about my father, my second family

Had my weekly phone call with my Dad.

You have no idea how unbelievably cool it is to say so! We just talk and catch up with what's going on during the week and talk movies and culture and just... talk. So cool!

ETA: We talked about rap music! My dad likes Jay-Z! (Or at least the man's poetry)

Anyway, the only downside of letting my father know writing is what I want to do - is him asking me if I wrote during the week. He's not doing it to nag. He wants me to not stall myself because he thinks I have talent. It's odd. It's only a downside because I haven't done much. I intend to and then I end up organizing; my notes, my desktop, the notebook I'm scribbling in.

Watching movies and reading other books it's like I'm seeing how they were crafted or could be crafted. I keep reminding myself the last two years were utter hell, so I need to not stress out too much about getting back into the flow of things. The truth is I've done more writing in the last two weeks than in the last two years. Actual writing, even if it is longhand before I go to bed at night.

Oddly enough I've found myself thinking of my inner editor while I rp. Uhm that should be I find myself thinking about how I end up thinking of my inner editor while I'm rping. And I find myself pondering how in rp, I just keep writing until I can't anymore and then I switch scenes. Why I don't do this in my regular writing, I'm unsure. Somehow I give myself the freedom to explore in RP that I just haven't in my writing. More-over, there are times I want to do over an rp scene from another angle, or with different emotional emphasis to see what comes out and if it's better or worse or pulls something in I hadn't thought of before.

I'd really like to find a way to combine that. My inner editor, when I review my RP, often sees bits that don't really need to be there. Sometimes I notice it when I'm rping itself. And that's when I realise I need to switch scenes. And so I say so. But it's rare that I do see it when I'm rping. It had to be dragging or feeling like I'm not contributing much or I really want to move on. Afterwards, however, when I look it over, I can see myself snipping here and jump-cutting there to make things pace better. I don't think the scene is bad, I just find myself thinking - 'for an easier read and better flow and pacing, we don't really need xyz'.

There had to be a way for me to be that kind to myself in my writing. I wonder if my inner editor is my mother. Because it seems so sacrosanct and I do intensely listen to it - up to throttling stories in their infancy, in the crib of my mind, before even writing out a thought because because because. Whereas I'll rp any damn premise provided it interests me. "My fav character is suddenly a mermaid? Ok. There are cyborgs feeding off and killing human beings in a world gone mad? Kay, what's next?

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Willow
Date: 09:48PM | Mon, June 30th | 2008
Subject: :)
Security: Public
Tags:about my father, my second family

I love my Dad.

He called me.

I wonder if hearing his voice will ever stop making me break out into smiles just because.

He's already planning to send for me to come up sometime this summer. He's likely to put me to work helping with renovating something or other or helping in the garden. But I don't mind.

I wonder if I'm what happens when a Daddy's Girl is deprived of her father?

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016