By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 08:14PM | Sat, June 9th | 2012
Subject: Things I Have Done Today
Security: Public
Mood:grumpy ni grumpypants grumpy ni grumpypants
Tags:computer adventures, my boo

Had a conversation, on the phone, with my boo. More people should have a boo. They just can't have my boo, unless they understand she is meant to be SHARED. No monogamous hogging of my boo! It is spoken. So shall it be done. Anyway, conversation, about computers, specifically, laptops. And how I am quite possibly mostly, perhaps even 80% a desktop girl.

I had found one I liked (laptop), with innards to do or mostly do what I'd like (yup, innards, so not in the brain space to break down the specs). And a purdy shiny outside, and it not being too heavy (cause just no, not with my random body issues) and an elevated battery that helps with cooling (air circulation for the laptop. whoop).

But the truth is, I apparently feel far more comfy, sliding my hd (and possibly even my dvd-rw) into, maybe a new chassis. Definitely feel ok about sliding a new motherboard( & thus memory) and cpu and game card into my current chassis.

For a moment a laptop seemed easier. But apparently ppl who'd get a laptop would get GINORMOUS desktop replacements, if they were, y'know, using it primarily at a desk. Whereas I just think it might be cool to have a wider keyboard when I'm away from home and needing to do a couple things online (Kindle Keyboard is kind of small).

Hmm. My main impetus for thinking of laptops was actually back pain and body pain. For the times when I want to be mentally active and not just reading, but can't quite 'sit at my desk'. Somewhere where I could lie down in bed, and still talk to people seemed cool. Portable movies like that - also cool.

So, maybe, one day, a tablet will be my complementary device to go with a desktop computer (a tablet w/ a damn keyboard attached SOMEHOW). While an e-reader will remain a way for me to not have to dust so many shelves of books. Thus leaving me willing to sneeze over the ones I have, as being personal and special to me. Which reminds me, I need to look up the ebook versions of a few books I have that I just 'have'. Cause really? There're not worth the itchy eyes.

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Willow
Date: 09:42AM | Wed, May 16th | 2012
Subject: Mah Brainz
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, thoughts on: life

Want to get something for myself; food isn't an easy option. Pondered computer things. Felt stuck between waiting to possibly buy a new computer - or get memory for a several years old one. Haven't bought before for same reason. Sat here, thinking, thinking, and this time around it occurs to me that when I think buying a new computer - I don't think 'buying a new computer. Even though the one I have currently, is due to my mother, buying me a new computer. Prior to that, however, I'd BUILT my own computer. Painful long research, buying parts, putting it together, having a not bad at all system.

So even though I get bored easily with video games; they do so intrigue me. And I think, maybe, perhaps, it is very possible - I get caught up thinking of game specs and not of the fact that the majority of the time I do certain very specific things WITH my computer. And would like to do other certain very specific things (like have virus check going on WHILE I'm on).

But the complication there is? When I think about things like that? I wonder why I can't just improve the memory on this 'senior' computer - which could/would likely do the job. Because it is doing, heaven's bless it, what I need and want it to do - for the most part. And everything else feels like a semi-hazy fever dream.

And THEN I start thinking... Oooh, laptop. For those painful days when being horizontal would be a huge, huge boon - with bonus to stay online. And split the budget to get a router for wireless access.

And my brain starts going places and going places.

And then OTHER places like -- would I really use the laptop? When? how? And what about all those harddrives holding important information that I've yet to install in this current computer. It's like I leave pieces of myself behind everytime I switch computers. Makes me less inclined to keep an INTERNAL HD, even though it is faster.

I admit, while I find technology fun, I'm still a basic person. I'm thrilling to my 'newer' phone. And going yip, now I don't have to think about trying to add things to my kindle, and keep it for reading and 3g net access. I think I can quite recognize I'm unlikely to be a 2 computer person. Or at least 2 main computers. Maybe a main desktop and a very small, light notebook for those pain filled, need to be horizontal days?

But I almost don't know how to judge myself. I really don't. Cause a huge part of me, would truly find it, something, to find a more comfortable chair set up,than get a laptop. Some part of me, recognizes technology has moved on, AGES AGO (I played around w/ a laptop in highschool for pete's sake) but still thinks in terms of 'the kind of needs/ for the kind of money'....

Old desktop, main laptop?

I don't even know if trying to negotiate all these thoughts is a uniquely multiple thing.

Huh, all this, from wanting to treat myself, while in the doldrums and the supermarket being out of sorbet.

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Willow
Date: 01:57AM | Thu, August 18th | 2011
Subject: Computer Seems Online/Working Now
Security: Public
Tags:anxiety scale 9, computer adventures, health: mental

PSU In. Am now freaking out SO HARD. I can't even - I'm in tears.

Note: I should have a live linux cd somewhere, but if not, I'll make another one and put it somewhere even more obvious (thank you for the suggestion, Yeloson).

Didn't expect to freak when it showed up, and thus need 6.5 hours to put things together because my brain/memory wouldn't work when it came to how things hooked up. Don't think I can order groceries tonight for delivery tomorrow and I am SO out of food, one meal left I think. Maybe two if I count some eggs.

But SHAKING.

ETA: I have thoughts. Lots of thoughts. And long hand SUCKS for journal writing. It hurts, which is something my therapist was looking into but which I now have to remind him about. Cause damn.

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Willow
Date: 01:46AM | Wed, December 15th | 2010
Subject: December wants to drive me to darkness
Security: Public
Mood:distressed distressed
Tags:computer adventures, obi-flist-kenobi, wtf!

I don't know how long the current 'fix' will last. But system restore worked. System restore never works on my harddrive. I've always gotten a 'too bad, so sad'. And now I'm weeping. Because if I'd thought system restore might work (and wasn't clutching at straws) - I wouldn't have tried to see if my Acer Recovery Discs would -repair- vs reinstall. And I wouldn't have pressed thewrong button, and ended up hard power offing the computer and somehow messed up my external hard drive - which is now reading EMPTY EMPTY EMPTY. My external hard drive where I'd been putting everything, thinking it'd be safe.

I used Partition Mount and Find. It found my external harddrive file - but it's still reading empty. I used a Linux LiveDisc to check and the drive STILL reads as Empty.

I don't know where to go next.

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Willow
Date: 11:20PM | Fri, December 10th | 2010
Subject: There was a 4th but I forgot it.
Security: Public
Mood:ow ow
Tags:computer adventures

1. Had a rape culture dream. Attractive male, but I couldn't get comfortable because I DO NOT WANT HETERO SEX AT ALL. And I didn't feel like I could trust, due to constant nibbling at my boundaries; physical and more. All under the guise of charming, but so, well, disrespectful once I thought about it, that the charm started eroding and I kept feeling... 3 steps from rape.

2. Expired software program messed up my computer. Had to go through heck to try and fix it. Still not sure if things are fixed.

3. Owie, like whoa. Ldtms. Which lead to me ordering easy cheap take-out because computer frustration + pain = no go for cooking. No matter that I have yummy salmon to cook.

4 .... see title

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Willow
Date: 09:26PM | Fri, December 10th | 2010
Subject: Returnil Software Program SUUUUCCCCKKS
Security: Public
Mood:aggravated aggravated
Tags:computer adventures, wtf!

Screw it. It expired and it's set my computer into FUNK. Can't get to do much except in SAFEMODE. That's the last time I use any software that claims to sandbox and buffer my system. That many digital fingers in my computer's pie - makes sense it all goes to crap and back when damn thing doesn't work anymore. WORSE, I haven't used it in MONTHS. I was just keeping it around in a 'just in case' but it never did what I wanted it to do and I kept it for emergency software testing. Couldn't uninstall in safemode cause windows uninstall doesn't work in safemode. So I used an uninstall software and... grrr!

Just did a bootable antivirus screen (took HOURS) and it only found viruses in quarantine with my regular antivirus. So it's definitely this damn Returnil thing and now I have to try and figure out how the hell to fix this.

Ended up ordering out dinner, have been struggling with this shite since minutes to 7pm.

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Willow
Date: 09:17AM | Wed, December 9th | 2009
Subject: Living Is Learning
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures

But damn does it suck sometimes.

I'm realizing now after the fact that I maybe could have asked the obi-flist-kenobi, if saving application data would save the virus I was reinstalling to fix. Then again, given the crickets about the computer monitor, nothing might have come of it. IJay isn't DW or LJ. I might have been stuck waiting for feedback longer and it really had reached the reboot every fifteen minutes place.

Trying to get things back where they were is... irksome. Realizing what I've lost is bothersome. I feel, luckily, mostly on even keel to handle it. And keep reminding myself that experience is the only true wisdom in the world. At least for myself.

Urge to run around flailing my hands over my head? Kind of large, even though that would be hella painful.


Things still not working:
Gchat,

Things not installed:
- a lot -


In other news: Have made Chili so feed myself this morning and have food for the next few days.

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Willow
Date: 06:04AM | Wed, December 9th | 2009
Subject: Computer Arrgh
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures

Local Folders are LOCAL.

Somehow having gmail, I absolutely missed this fact and did not think about it and have just realized mail I've been saving locally for various reasons? All gone now. Grr. arrgh. Ugh. But I told myself when I started there were going to be things I missed and if I tried to remember everything I'd never fix the computer and would end up having to reboot every 5 minutes. It was close to every 10 to 15 minutes as it was.

But now I have some 'portable' HD space? I'm definitely going to rethink how and where I save things.

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Willow
Date: 01:41AM | Wed, December 2nd | 2009
Subject: Stuff
Security: Public
Tags:about me, computer adventures, food

Well, would you look at that. It appears the HD I bought is coming at just the right time. Because I apparently have a virus and my attempts to get rid of it, has resulted in my firefox bookmarks disappearing, an inability to use system restore (though seriously can anyone -actually- use system restore? Feels like it won't work at the slightest sniffle).

And actually I appear to have had the virus for several weeks now. I just thought I'd accidentally done something to settings to totally hide hidden files and folders. But no, there's actually a hidden files and folders virus and mucks with registry etc, etc etc...

Have managed to find my bookmarks using search (bookmarks*) and saved the pages so I can maybe try to import them or do something manually or who knows. They're there at the very least. Not quite sure my attempt to save my session folder will turn out favourably - but I can handle that mostly.

I am really going to miss Foldermaker which makes my life so much easier. There's supposedly a freeware version, but I'm unsure if it has everything the GOTD version has. Still when I've done the whole 'fixing hardcore/reverse time' thing, I'll dwl and use it because colour coded folders (with icons) helps make things better.

In other news:

Could not find chocolate ship, walnut cookies. And I couldn't look more than two places because that'd use up a lot of spoons. But really Superfresh? Still they had Pillsbury 'New! We Took Out All That Crap We Put In & Now We Have An 'Organic' Decour Line!' And it was on sale. So I get to have fresh cookies, when I go to bake them, without high fructose cornsyrup and a whole lot of BS.

Did I mention the sale? So I got regular chocolate chip and then paid too much money on walnuts (which I will attempt to stick into the cookie rolls before baking) and I got peanut butter. Kept seeing Danish Butter Cookies everywhere. And yes, they are also 'Xmas/Seasonal Cookies' but chocolate walnut chip brings up much stronger emotions and memories. (Maybe I'll pick up a tin for new year's).

Cleaners show up on Thursday. Arrgh. But I got lead in time and just have to load the dishwasher, basically and then get out of their way.

*contemplates middle of night baking*

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Willow
Date: 11:51PM | Wed, November 11th | 2009
Subject: Obi-flist-kenobi; Monitors
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, lil help?, obi-flist-kenobi

Ok, my brain is just way too exhausted to do as much research as I'd like. So flist, is anyone on here techy? I need to buy a new monitor and I'm thinking of a refurbished widescreen gateway lcd (and getting a two year replacement warranty). I currently use a crt monitor, set to 120 dpi and there's a cat in the house, so there's some worry of sneaky desktop investigating while I'm asleep; there's been mention of a wobbly stand on the gateway.

Good, bad, indifferent?

I hadn't originally wanted a wide screen, mostly because I do other things besides watch movies on my screen. But right now I'll take what I can get at decent pricing.

I'm also hesitating because quick searching did bring up that people who'd been having similar visual problems as myself with lower dpi's are fanswooning over 1600x1200 resolution in 120dpi. The above mentioned gateway? 1440 x 900. I've no experience, really (a few moments on my local library's newest setup is the only thing that comes to mind) with anything bigger than 1024x768.

I'd really like insight on the difference, since if I stick to refurbished monitors, the difference is likely to be only $10 more.

I want to do right by my eyes.

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Willow
Date: 09:35AM | Sat, October 10th | 2009
Subject: ow
Security: Public
Mood:drained drained
Tags:computer adventures, pain scale 6.5, state of me, stress scale 6.5

I'm going to attempt to make some noodles and cheese in a bowl in a minute. But I'm not laying all my hopes there. Have determined I will buy some pizza just as soon as the place opens up.

It's Sat morning now. I had a bad dream Friday morning, but have been so distracted by computer troubles I didn't write it down or even try to think about it too much. In fact I got up and tumbled to the computer in search of comfort media and ran smack into the fact it's not working as it should and so ended up rocking myself and researching. The dream may be triggery / issues of violence. )

I still have to check the memory - though the fact that I can move the mouse despite the freezing is apparently a plausible sign of software difficulties not hardware. I've done registry clean-up, spyware and anti-virus scans (which I do once every 10 or so days anyway but now had to do mostly online). I've come to the conclusion that I need to buy an additional harddrive and in the future a backup harddrive and have been trying to research just what I need and what is the best value for my money. It finally occurred to me that some individuals might not debate cost the way I do, because they'd use a credit card and extend the length of payment for the product. I want to know that something is covered with a good and solid warranty before spending my buffer money.

I feel odd writing comments. Discombobulated. I miss my music and my calming games. I'm realizing now exactly how much they help me. Last night the landlady's roommate had guests over and despite my going to ring the doorbell and asking her to keep it down (11:30pm) because I was trying to sleep, they didn't leave and stop being noisy until about 1:30am. And I was grumpy the whole time - stress creates pain which wears me out and makes sleeping, which I need to do, more difficult.

I'm trying to hold on to the little end of the rope of cope I've got with as much strength as I can muster. But I really wish life would give me the chance to wind some more cope about my wrist.

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Willow
Date: 03:29AM | Thu, October 8th | 2009
Subject: "..."
Security: Public
Mood:--- ---
Tags:computer adventures

*sighs*

I am having 'a night'. Felt exhausted around 2pm, which was already feeling like 7pm to me. So off I went to bed. Woke up around 7, finally tumbled out of bed nearer to 7:30, turned on the computer and got sucked into: WHY ARE WE USING WINDOWS AGAIN?

I already know the answer is "Cause Willow likes her silly games and adobe photoshop - oh please do not take away my ability to fingerpaint and collage using technology'.

Things what had been working fine, mostly - they were a touch slow, before I turned off the computer have cockled up incredibly for the last 6 hours. It's like they want to win some sort of prize. And lo and behold while I do have a Windows XP cd (all legit and everything) and I do have the recovery disks for this computer (Lunaris who is usually as quite and stoic as her name suggests) - the recovery disks will write over everything on Drive C and the XP Disc is for XP Professional (and seems to imply that it will write over EVERYTHING, including the current drive demarcations (wherein one hard drive has been separated into 2 drives).

After a quiet moment of internal screaming, I remember that Windows is supposed to have a 'boot in safe mode' so I randomly punch some keys on the keyboard since I can't quite remember which one does what. Finally I find it, and it comes with networking so I can actually get online and do some research. Except research has not been particularly helpful. Acer Recovery research seems to imply I need to spend a couple hours backing up the entirety of Drive C, and kiss a couple of programs goodbye that I got from GAOTD.Com. (Apparently I will stage world war three in my own head to hold onto Folder Marker)

And as I start to list what all I would need to reinstall, it becomes draining and depressing because this is now going on three years worth of additional programs that make my life easier. Including the need to reinstall my antivirus and firewall and all those updates OMG, if I set things back to 'Factory Conditions'.

Apparently I could have had a less brand new neutral recovery backup - but the information about that was so unclear that I haven't looked at it twice in several years and have been backing up old school, disc by painful long winded disc.

Meanwhile the cockups cascade. Sound no longer wants to work. The antivirus is complaining that windows explorer is preventing it from breathing. Error this and error that and a whole lot of 00000's. And I'm now very glad I found merchant shipping costs too damn high on Monday and didn't spend near $50 on 'Gifts For Me' (*le sigh, le sigh, no Batman for Willow. No Animated Superman either) and the perfect gift for one of my brothers. Because now if I have to risk reinstalling and starting from scratch - I definitely feel the need to have an external HD doing the backup.

Right now I'm making myself a little bit agitated over hard drive enclosure + harddrive, or coughing up the money for an external drive with less storage or contemplating if I'm responsible enough to handle a HD dock.

And my brain totally conked out for an hour here so I guess this post is done. Computer = kerblehy. Stirring up old issues. Very grateful can still get online in some manner or form. Worried about what I could lose. And saddened that the process of buying more storage is overwhelming due to the state of my head. Oh yeah and Restore Point actually worked, but made not a lick ass of difference.

This lack of sound sucks beyond the telling of it - as music and or vids are part of how I calm myself down. Hot fricking damn.

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Willow
Date: 05:18PM | Thu, August 27th | 2009
Subject: Ugh. Double Ugh
Security: Public
Tags::{ grumpy face, computer adventures

Installed Opera.

It won't let me customize where I want my tabs to be. It's seriously making me twitchy to have tabs above my url inline box. The system for add and remove to the toolbox isn't intuitive - no drag and drop, a lot of reading and clicking on the right space and hitting a pulldown box. Then I tried to download something and that information came up in a tab (heck lots of things kept coming up as tabs - widgets too). And the widgets seem bloody useless. I go to the page and I don't see stuff about how to personalize the browser, just a whole lot of games and categories to the side and I was already twitching from having my tabs above the address bar (seriously, who DOES that?) and putting my toolbar accidentally to the side had my nostrils flaring so hard I could feel it.

And then to top it all of - Opera yanked all my local bookmarks from my bookmark toolbar - WTF asked it to do that? I didn't. Saying no to that didn't come up in the installation. And my bookmark toolbar is organized as a TOOLBAR for a reason. Having it all as a dropdown box makes it bloody useless.

Topper on the cake of OMGWTF?

Everytime I went to minimize the damn window I somehow closed it. I could go check and see what looked like minimize to me but was actually shut down. But I've just this second deleted the damn thing off my computer.

First Safari went and installed Apple Software Updates on my computer making me WTF Steve? And now Opera's all nosy mosy and not really customizable.

All this cause Mediafire has decided not to play with FF2, javascript problems or something (though it messed up on Opera a couple of times too in an iffy way). I would try Lunascape, but right now all I understand from 'Triple Engine' is 'Using Internet Explorer's Trident'. Which seriously has me going 'The Frell? I want to get away from IE'.

No, I do not yet feel the urge to embrace FF3.

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Willow
Date: 09:31PM | Sun, August 9th | 2009
Subject: Things I Discovered Last Night
Security: Public
Mood:hungry hungry
Tags:computer adventures

1. I'm alive

2. Trying to continue saving on a DV-R that's been left open because it has space is a very tricky bit of business. And possibly having a program that allows me to delete something as if it were a DV-RW is not a good thing, because it'll cock up the entire disc and leave it filled with 'invisible data' and I end up needing a new disc.

3. External HD is looking more and more necessary despite my thoughts that I have Disc Media and should really -use it- before I contemplate adding a new line item to my budget.

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Willow
Date: 05:11AM | Sun, July 26th | 2009
Subject: Arrrgh
Security: Public
Mood:not happy not happy
Tags:computer adventures

So while checking something using my firewall/antivirus program, I notice that I have pending files. And I see a whole bunch of them are for FreeRealms, which I was confident I'd uninstalled. So I type in the address and find a Freerealm's folder that didn't not delete. So I try to purge those files using COMODO (my antivirus/firewall software) but it says they're still valid. So I try to submit them and look them up to see what information I can get on them. Submission takes ages, but no information.

So I finally just click remove them and figure I'll manually remove the file myself.

BUT, when I click my uninstall program to double check I didn't miss something, it only brings up 15 programs.

I have more than 15 programs on this thing.

So I reboot, just in case it was showing things badly because it had an earlier fail moment - but still only 15 programs.

And now system restore refuses to restore. So far I've only found one thing online explaining why. Apparently if there have been dll files or similar deleted -between- restore points, System Restore throws a hissy fit and goes 'They're Missing! Missing!!!!!' and won't restore. Which makes it seem bloody useless to me and full of augh!

In other news, my CD/ DVD Burner is playing the arse and not writing.

So very not happy.

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Willow
Date: 09:22PM | Mon, December 1st | 2008
Subject: World? Why?
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, wtf!!

Dear [info]bridgetmkennitt,

My computer heard 'Possible early retirement/shift worker/backup?' and decided to do I don't know what. But things are happening. Slightly scary things. If the time has passed and your comp monitor has gone to someone else - no worries. I'll just be getting myself a monitor for Christmas (or begging my mother for one) instead of an mp3 player.

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Willow
Date: 08:02PM | Wed, November 12th | 2008
Subject: Right
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, verizon sucks a##

Verizon & Their Modems.

Modem #1 - Died

Modem #2 - Buzzes annoyingly

Modem #3 - Dead

So now I've got to call them and use up energy saying that the third modem they sent me is dead. Crap on a stick. I'll try and do that before therapy tomorrow. In too much pain today. Just realized that's what's been taxing my mental energy. All that stretching to use the window kit and seal with with the plastic yesterday and my arms don't want to leave my sides.

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Willow
Date: 10:27PM | Sun, October 26th | 2008
Subject: Wheel of News
Security: Public
Mood:productive - like productive - like
Tags:about me, computer adventures

Good news - Got my old computer hooked up to the tv in the bedroom!

Bad new - Everything on screen's ridiculously small no matter what I do and the mouse for it won't work.

Good news - I found the software for tv watching (to match my video/tv tuner card) online!

Bad news - It doesn't seem to have installed properly and worse now the computer has a problem shutting itself off.

Guess I'll have to look around and try and find the original disks that came with everything. Worse comes to worse, I guess I can connect my old monitor for long enough to do instally things - though that'll take energy to move things around. Ouch. Still, it only took me 30 minutes to figure things out when I didn't have to factor in a vcr and a digital satellite box. So I've actually got more done in one day thant the past 3 months I've been procrastinating.

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Willow
Date: 05:17AM | Wed, October 22nd | 2008
Subject: Die screaming Verizon Modem.
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, frustration makes me wanna cut, wtf!!

So my internet is paid for by my landlady, lovely woman. Tonight my internet started shorting. OMFG Verizon. Your stupid modem is dead. Luckily I have an old modem to use. But how the hell is one meant to survive without internet to access the effing phone number and other contact details to tell Verison that one's cheap little pos modem is dead?

So tomorrow that's what I have to do. I have to call, if I can't get it to work with the extra modem I have, my landlady and tell her that my modem has died. Ugh. I seriously don't want to deal with people right now. I'm trying to adjust to the new guy therapist, and winter and pain and finding some kind of flow in tidying things up and ugh. Everytime the landlady shows up I feel an utter failure. But I have to tell her cause the information is all in her name. Shit.

And it's not accepting the spare modem. I'm gonna go through the proper steps to certify the regular modem is dead before doing anything else. Right now I'm just so full of.... This is not helping me deal with all the stuff I've been trying to deal with. I have a doctor's appointment today and just - geeze fuck it all.

Read more... )

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Willow
Date: 05:00AM | Tue, August 26th | 2008
Subject: Computer Alert
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, technology

If you use Gmail, read this.

I've been forgetting the difference between my lj flist and my iJay flist. I saw this via my iJay flist but only mentioned it to one or two individuals. But it's actually important enough that I just can't count on everyone I know reading Elke So please check this out and take the two minutes to check a little box in gmail.

Some jerkwad's releasing a hacking tool to hijack gmail cookies and setting your account to ALWAYS secure login - https will save hassle in the longrun.

Oh! And make sure you do it for ALL your gmail accounts. I know that's tripped me up, turns out I had one already set that way, but others not.

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Willow
Date: 08:13PM | Mon, August 4th | 2008
Subject: No Title Works
Security: Public
Tags:about me, computer adventures, errands: online

I don't think my brain's currently smart enough to figure out how to connect my older computer to my tv so I don't have to buy a dvd player. This is more than somewhat crushing to my spirit.

I'm currently waiting to eat before pressing send on my groceries to finalize my purchases. Safeway.com wouldn't stop re-loading automatically due to javascript glitches, so the old supermarket it is. I need food. I enjoyed my weekend outing and do not begrudge a dime spent there. But summer or no summer, buying dinner delivery is just needlessly expensive - especially with the surcharges for gas.

My head's a little clearer than it was this morning - drank some water, seemed to have helped. My knee on the other hand (the foot that was accidentally stepped on by a 6ft something man on the bus) it thorbs in gently piercing sequence to remind me.

--- 2 hrs later --

Had food, gonna press send later tonight. Gonna space out and watch the 2hr Supersize Myth Busters.

--- ETA---

Ok, just ordered an didn't wait. Clearly my brain's doing it's own thing. Hopefully it has a nice friend named Pinky.

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Willow
Date: 08:58PM | Tue, April 22nd | 2008
Subject: My mother is driving me CRAZY! Send bail money.
Security: Public
Mood:frustrated frustrated
Tags:about my mother, computer adventures

If I paid as little attention to my mother; her advice and warnings, as she does to me? She'd have beaten me till blood ran.

Me ( Last yr! 6 months ago! In MARCH!!!!! ) :

Mom if you've got good security programs; firewall, resistery scanner, antivirus and you're using Firefox, you don't need a lot of the patches and crap they keep giving you. It's unnecessary and the cure is worse than the disease. I"ll let you know when you need to install.


Email today from my mother:

< Real Name >, I got that 30 day antivirus thing you linked me to (unrelated computer wtf) but the computer keeps crashing. All the time. Those updates didn't help!

Me: What updates?

Mother: The Windows Updates! I didn't do all of them, just like you said, but something in them messed my computer up? What do I need to do to fix this?

Me: *headdesk* I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT! I told you not to install windows patches!!!!

Me: If it doesn't clear itself up you'll have to re-install. I can't fix it. I don't know what the hell you did!

Me: I'm going to put ice on my knee now. Don't email me again tonight.

I seriously need my mother's financial help to move. But Cheeseontoastedseseecrackers! Expensive fluid ice cubes! She doesn't LISTEN!

Not even to stuff like this!

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Willow
Date: 03:44PM | Fri, February 8th | 2008
Subject: Shit just sucks // SEAL ONLINE
Security: Public
Tags:#race issues: gaming, about me, computer adventures, online: games

ifinst27.exe was the effing Uninstall???????????

And now the extra spyware stuff I put on my computer last night, won't let it reinstall (so I could even uninstall it -wtf?)




I'm cranky. I'm cranky for a whole lot of reasons. I'm cranky cause it looks as if that above mentioned exe file was the uninstall for SEAL ONLINE. I'm cranky because I'm having to reinstall the game in order to have uninstall capabilities and take the damn thing off. I'm cranky because I want to uninstall the game, because there is a minimum of technical support - I couldn't even use their contact us text field - it wouldn't send - I had to email to find out what the heck the suspicious file was and not one ever got back to me. And there's no mention in their guide to installation that this is the uninstall file, it loads separately onto the C drive, blah blah blah.

I'm cranky because I enjoy the option of having the game windowed. I like the bright colours. I like the fighting motion and how the text fields are framed for interaction with NPCs. I like the music. I like the concept of crafting, even if I really don't understand it and just wanted to name the character Harley - cause BIG ASS MALLET. But I'm crankyh because I can't make anyone brown.

It's a game of preset hair combinations and that's it. No change in skin colour or eye colour. Even Fairyland let me make a brown elf (and a brown human and a brown dwarf!)

Looking for information on various MMORPG forums I stumbled across someone asking if one particular game (I forget which) let you shade character's brown. If it didn't this person wasn't interested in playing. And there were several replies about how racist that was and how he should be all about the game and not bring that stuff into their fun place.

And I found myself thinking - nah, that's honest. After being surrounded by white people all the live long day, if you want to have a brown character to play with why not?

It made me think about the hue and cry that would come out if a really cool game was released and all the default templates for characters were brown or darker brown, or dark as night black. But you could buy some pale pigmentation and blonde hair at the cash shop. Oh wouldn't there be fretting and cries of racism, reverse racism, all sorts o shit.

So I'm admitting now that I like being able to play brown characters. Truthfully I like playing mutts like myself - as in when you go past bi-racial cause your parents were bi-racial and their parents etc, you're a mutt. You're multi-racial, you're mixed. I've got straight haired, green eyed cousins, I've got aunts with buttery pale skin. I've got relatives that look like the head maintence guy in this 'apt of lies' - he's got light brown-golden skin and green eyes.

Anyway, SEAL ONLINE, all chubby faced white kids roaming around.

4:01pm (Reinstall was successful. Uninstall was successful) So now to ponder if I want to reinstall at all. I like the thought of evil bunny bad guys and I like the bright colours. I just... I want not to feel so claustrophobic when I play a game though. I don't know if it'd have mattered to me -as much- in the past. But boy does it matter now.

PS: I tried to uninstall first time 'round because there was an error that wasn't letting the game launch.


4:11pm: They call it a REGGAE HAIRSTYLE.

Oh HELLS no that shit's getting permanently taken off my computer. Not only is it wrong to call it Reggae and not dreads or locks,but on a purely white face? As a fucking TREND OF FASHION?!!!

Fuck you Seal Online. Fuck. You.

4:!8pm And on closer inspection of the pic itself. I can see braids. Oh us crazy whacky black people with the things in our hair.

More buggering up the ass with a scissors SEAL ONLINE. All for you.

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Willow
Date: 04:18AM | Fri, February 8th | 2008
Subject: Sh*t D*mn C*ckS*cker
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, online: games

Downloaded Seal Online.

Suddenly there was ifinst27.exe on my computer. In the C drive no less when Seal was loaded to run on D.

So now the question is, do I date see if I can connect to this game or do I give up early the search for something to help me destress. Because seriously malware and possibly trojan alerts are not de-stressful. Oh no, they are the opposite of no stress. (90mins give or take of running scans and other tech things)

(Do I try Seal and Elf Online?)

___

I have noted that the creatures in Fairyland are almost too cute to be hacked at just for points n'stuff. It's disturbing.

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Willow
Date: 12:36PM | Wed, February 6th | 2008
Subject: --
Security: Public
Tags:computer adventures, online: games, wtf!!

Tried to load ASDA and my screen froze. So I hard rebooted. Then my keyboard wouldn't work. Rebooted again, keyboard still wouldn't work. Now have keyboard plugged into a front usb plug vs the usual spot in the back. But I have no idea why it's working or why it wasn't working.

Things ache just from the shocking anxiety of it all.

More: Did I mention signing up for an account with their account people (gameengame) took the longest time? And when I rebooted and came back I had to sign up all over again and I'm still waiting and it's still taking forever....

Even more: And the gamengame site's the one that's giving me problems to sign up - becoming problems with the browser?

1:17pm - running a little late now, but after shennaegains to get a fricking account on gamengame, once again I didn't even get to see if it worked on Asda as loading the game got me to a white screen (with logo) and little else. Gonna research when I get home. But I'm beginning to think the cute stuff I like just doesn't bloody work. I'm looking at you Mabogini.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016