I have spent nearly every moment since I woke up today thinking about food. Food and pain. Woke up in agony, had no clue how I was going to cook for myself. Spent the day bargaining against making something simple since I WOULD have to cook - to make something more than a 'stick it in your mouth'.
So I ended up making corned beef and veggie potato salad. And then immediately started feeling sick and disgusted with food. Made myself eat it anyway because I hadn't eaten anything but popcorn all day.
Am now kind of conflicted/near tears/frustrated. But at least I'm journaling about it.
PS: iJay wouldn't post. Also? Seem completely turned off meat atm. No effing idea.
Ok, when did I start disconnecting so much lately? I'm 3 pages back on DW and kind of stunned. Of course, my DW reading list has more people/coms than my iJay flist. But even pared down, I didn't realize how much I wasn't reading/catching up/following people - how I'd just withdrawn but for the basics; people I talk to damn near everyday, + zvi.
Too frigging tired to read anymore, wtf 100 posts?
And there's stuff I meant to do this week, like laundry and...preparation for the invasion by people.
Can't think about that now, especially not just before bed.
PS: Just guessing about the depression scale. Am in shock that I've been so disconnected and mono focused. I'd been aware I wasn't doing my usual routine, but it felt like I'd only stopped just yesterday and only needed a few more days to regroup. Now it's feeling like I've been gone two weeks at the very least and quite possibly more.