By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 06:12PM | Fri, July 13th | 2012
Subject: Friday
Security: Public
Tags:energy level 5, errands: running around, exhaustion scale: 4, therapy / therapy day

My day started fairly ok - then I went to bring the bins in from the back curb, only to find they'd already been brought in and actually lined (with the extras I keep out back for emergencies). I checked they were clean, added the deoderizer. But considering that last week when the landlady visited; she brought up that the upstairs neighbours were having a cow over whether or not I get paid to deal with the bins? I think someone is seriously trying to get on her good side - or itching for the chance to say 'She hasn't been doing it - we've been doing it'. Cause the landlady pointed out, I get paid to bring the bins in, and keep them clean and tidy. Not to take them out to the curb in time for the trash (though it's something I also have done - and usually do. Except now of course when people are trying to play nice).

So I left her an email letting her know what was going on. So there are no surprises. And also because I really do appreciate the fact she considers me responsible and she knows, that I've been doing this for the past 2 years now, even if I"m sick or not feeling well etc - walking all around the neighbourhood to collect the bins if they are misplaced or stolen, etc. Replacing bins for neighbours when upstairs takes other people's bins to use, etc...etc...

Having a cow over me being responsible?

And my landlady really touches me when she said she likes giving me the little stipend and she hopes I spend it on mango sorbet and lamb and little extras; cause she knows I've been dealing with health issues etc.

There really is something to be said for developing a relationship of mutual respect with people.

Outside of 'Conspiracy At The House'... Therapy was, intense. Really intense. Issues of guilt were brought up, that I'm not trying to wrap my head around. Cause guilt's, on one level fairly useless but pyschologically speaking I'm told it's also a coping mechanism and the thing to do is find out what you're coping for and deal with it/utilize a healthier tool. (Trying to imagine telling that to ppl w/ white guilt who clutch colour blind theories - headache.)

So this is going to be a heavy mental week going forward from today I think. Cause there's a lot going on; some things even tied into my mom - and I actually didn't see the connection coming AT ALL.

On the way home, everything I wanted to treat myself to wasn't available. No sorbet, no lamb. I considered chocolate but the one I would have risked a reaction for, had further changed it's recipe. No more liquior. But I must have been calling unconsciously on the Chocolate Spirits - because someone got on the bus selling some for their church. And an older gentleman insisting on buying me one even though I said 'no thank you'.

I'm not sure if it was creepy or not. I've been rethinking my interactions with older men. I thought I recognized creepy interactions; implicit 'and now you'll owe me - I expect something - your body isn't yours'. Right now the only vibe I'm getting, is the chocolate was a buck, and he probably thought I was pretty.

Anyway, of course I can't eat it. I'd already checked and it's full of allergens for me. But I made sure to get dark chocolate. So next time Zvi visits - she'll have a chocolate bar.

Now to rest up, cook dinner and the one thing I did find was some mango juice - so I'm going to wash some popsicle sticks and see what happens.

Sidenote of Also: I am getting so damn sick of companies randomly changing the ingredients of a product. Not just the chocolate. But I hinted all week to find a vitamin mineral supplament that really helps me digest my food better. When I went to pick it up today? They'd added soy lecithin. I bought some, but I can't remember if soy lecithin will affect me the same way as soy. It's too hot, and I was too tired to not just buy some so I could have it if it's good at home. And if not, next time out - I guess it'll be 'return time'.

ETA: Re - Soy Lecithin. When the answer is 'Only a tiny percentage of people are ever usually affected'. It is in fact saying 'Willow? This will eff you up girl! Don't play! Don't put that in your body!'. So I guess I'll have to order from somewhere and take these back next time I'm out. Cause I am damn near always 'The Negligibile 1-2 %'.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016