By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 06:46PM | Sat, December 17th | 2011
Subject: Not So Holy Day
Security: Public
Mood:frustrated & upset frustrated & upset
Tags:about family, fail fail everywhere, things that suck, willow's warren

At 3:50am this morning, I heard a man shouting upstairs. TL:DR decided not to call the police, after checking it wasn't already the police - because domestic squabbles can be messy and I was afraid for the children. But I did stay up, listening, in case things changed and I had to. Turns out I wasn't hearing everything as much as I thought through the vents. And things were so bad, the upstair's neighbour's young teenage son ran away from home. She was frantic looking for him near 10:30am today. I'm praying and hoping they found him, or he got his arse back home. The neighbour says if I ever hear her raising her voice, call for help. I honestly... I did honestly worry things would get worse. I'm not sure she'll understand that fact. But....

And my brother just called me, to say my stepfather is playing the fool about getting the dog to the vet; and it's had rat poison. I had decided to wait until Christmas, to see if the Dog's Christmas present would be a doghouse so the dog would be safe from authorities worried about. I never stopped to consider that the news he told me, was news that could stir a vengeful neighbour to possibly throw rat poison over the fence. The first dog my siblings ever had? It died, from a neighbour throwing rat poison over the fence (different neighbour, different house). But still.

I cannot believe my stepfather is running around trying to get activated charcoal and NOT also calling a vet. My brother looked up on his phone that things were more complicated than getting the dog to throw up, or getting the poison absorbed. They are, it's about vitamin K and internal bleeding and it's XMAS. Just go to the vet and spend the damn money. How you gonna let the children's dog die for stinginess on XMAS? As if they give a damn about presents, if their pet dies.

For myself, yesterday I bought something from Walgreen's, then forgot it there. I called. They were to hold it for me to get there today. Hopefully it's still being held and I can pick it up tomorrow. Cause I ended up crashing so damn heard at noon. I also did early morning cooking to keep me busy while I was waiting out the noise upstairs and thus was physically exhausted too.

It's absolutely self indulgent and selfish - but when I think of the trouble i went to this month, to get gifts, specific type gifts, for all my siblings AND my mother - cause this year has been so stressful for them.... The gifts I got? Cannot, CANNOT alleviate the OMGWTFPAINSORROW of losing yet another pet, in a similar manner due to my stepfather's selfishness.

I can't get my mom on the phone. And I begin to think the situation is more complicated than even my brother knows. Cause I called my sister, thinking my mother might be with her, and it seems likely my sister is at the mall, keeping my littlest brother occupied while all this is going on. I can't even.

Cannot. even.

And please, this is not a case of my being blithe about what finances and resources my family has. I know there are emergency funds, an emergency credit card and practically? For the sake of the kids? Their paternal grandmother would pay the damn vet bill, if it came to that. Heck, I would contribute what little funds I have - cause it's family.

I can't even. Really can't even. And I'm just... I am now more glad I won't be there. Because I could not handle, once again, being a living present, to make up for the shit going on in that house. It's exhausting.


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Date: 01:33PM | Tue, January 11th | 2011
Subject: Brought To You By YET ANOTHER HOLOCAUST PORN FIC (via Inception fandom)
Security: Public
Tags:#social justice issues, fail fail everywhere, fandom: culture, fandom: is, i hate people

I would just like to say that it is entirely possible to have, enjoy, request and write about Person in Authority vs Person not in Authority, kink fic, WITHOUT having to bring up; The Holocaust, Natural Disasters & Human Suffering. Chattel Slavery, etc... So you like situations where someone is attracted to someone they have control over, or where someone is attracted to someone who has control over them and whom they should dislike. All fine and dandy. FIGURE THAT SHIT OUT and realize you can subtract the kink from the 'trappings'. Since said trappings tend to be lowest common denominator, easiest dehumanizing and trivilization of the pain of a group of people (who are traditionally undervalued).

And if, if it's REALLY necessary to you, to have the Nazi Uniforms involved in your sex fantasies, to have it be a white slave owner and a black slave (with whippings and the like) - then yes, you will be judged and you should take a deep hard look at what prejudices are underpinning your sexual psyche and recognize what's motivating you, and DEAL WITH IT TO BECOME A BETTER HUMAN BEING. Because again, you can have your kink without the offensiveness and the whole 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink', I would sincerely ass hope was not meant to hand-wave and pass over when someone's sexual fantasies and enjoyment comes at the expense of other people's painful history.

And no, I don't actually care who thinks I'm infringing on free sex/ sex positive whatever with this post. Because I equate them with the people who think I'm infringing on free expression when I say stuff like 'Headdresses Are Not COSTUME JEWLERY' and they say shit like 'You Can't OWN A Culture'. There is nothing POSITIVE in promoting the trivialization of chattel slavery, the Shoah, various natural disasters in less developed or just plain Non American (US) parts of the world. If you have to erase ignore true historical context, intergenerational trauma and institutionalized bigotry and hatred in order to just so you can get your rocks off - then SOMETHING IS WRONG.

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Date: 09:14AM | Wed, November 3rd | 2010
Subject: Something That Actually Made Me feel Sicker
Security: Public
Mood:feeble feeble
Tags:#social justice issues, fail fail everywhere, fandom: is, wtf!

I don't approve of corporations stepping in, branding while offering their supposed help in areas where the government was meant to be the support network web keeping the underclasses, the lost, those in need of help, afloat.

That said? I SURE AS HELL DO NOT BELIEVE FANFICTION counts as one of those events/opportunities being lost to budget crunches and cuts and desperately swallowing Brand Control (the kindness of mercenary strangers) in order to survive.

Fiction Alley = Our 501(c)3 is just as deserving as any other is just plain wrong.

Note: I say this knowing that fannish writing, fannish community and fannish support have in my life and the lives of others, been therapy, a shoulder to lean on, and an emergency resource. We still don't compare to DV shelters, afterschool programs, in school programs, the homeless, etc...

ETA: Provide free therapy to families who have experienced sexual abuse or... keep the Harry Potter play fic. Oh Burn Yee Into The DEPTHS Fiction Alley.

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Date: 03:14AM | Sat, July 17th | 2010
Subject: Riiiight Then
Security: Public
Tags:fail fail everywhere

Dreamwidth Community [info]spn_bitesized advertised its KINK MEME at Asexual_fandom.




No, there's no punchline, well, other than it being SPN related.

ETA: Apparently while sexuality/sex kinks are dominating the meme is/was meant to be open to character kinks, narrative kinks etc. While I understand what's meant/and being looked for much better now. I admit the world KINK has a whole other meaning for me these days, one that does not include character quirks one enjoys, or narrative tropes one enjoys.

KINK MEME does not say 'Write about the things you like'. Nor does KINK BINGO. I would wonder when Kink got this whole new meaning, but that's probably like asking when did pimp become a 'positive' word.

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Date: 11:01PM | Sun, June 27th | 2010
Subject: Eff Whitey
Security: Public
Tags:fail fail everywhere, tv: leverage, wtf!, wth?

ETA: This is a LEVERAGE post. There be spoilers. Currently with my journal set to full instead of summary, cut-tags won't work anyway


[info]inkstone, various folks who like to avoid blood pressure explosion

Alrighty then. I'm watching LEVERAGE and ... I'm done. The combination of stupidity (yes, take a break to listen to the pretty music) with what yet another group of BROWN FOLK NEED IS THIS CREW OF HONKEYS, and the... what Nate does to Hardison; that combination of railroading and bullying and taking for granted?

I just... I think I'm watching it through to the end because I want to see what Hardison has to say and after that - no more reminders for LEVERAGE. Evil overly ambitious corporate woman plus 'We HELP BROWN FOLKS SAVE THEIR COUNTRIES' is just too much bullshit.

And yeah, I'm wtf enough that if this is a spoiler for you, tough cookies. Look forward to no more cause I'm so done.

PS: WTF, this is THRICE they didn't bother to tie-up the bad guy. I don't care what their true plan was. That's shoddy and cost them time.

WTF? The WHITE MAN sprinkled fairy dust on Hardison?!!! So ....

FLOG LEVERAGE. FLOG 'EM and leave them to BLEED.

ETA: And yes, I do get that as far as the producers are concerned LEVERAGE is all about one white man's struggle to become, and the people who help him along the way; two women, a MoC and someone not middle or upper class.

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Date: 04:16AM | Sun, May 31st | 2009
Subject: Extra Special Pissing Me Off
Security: Public
Tags:#race issues: fandom, fail fail everywhere, fandom: gen, honkeyshines

Comment snippet by
[info] - livejournal.commcgarrygirl78:

...I kinda feel like the whole post severed a group of people who were thus far enjoying an interracial relationship....I was honestly shocked by how many fans embraced it and loved it. And a hairdo nearly ripped it all apart at the seams...

When someone can make a statement like that, about a post that was discussing race and be so relentlessly focused on their enjoyment, voyeuristically of how they view a relationship - as interracial btw, not inter-species -

Then nobody better fucking asking me why my primary interaction with fandom is pointing out things pissing me the hell off, warning others, and blocking people.

I can't even...

I can't EVEN!

That is some Prime, Grade A, Cornfed, Privilege & Entitlement Honkeyshines right there.

Did you read what she said? Did you read it? Did you click the link and read it? A conversation about race almost destroyed her post-racial shipping community and oh, how awful, because fandom was embracing the black girl in a relationship with the cute white guy...until someone brought up race.


*watches the clasped pearls and the reach for the iced lemonade*

Makes me want to punch miss thing in the fucking nose. I actually moved past that comment an hour ago and then finally realized I was not going to be successful letting it go. It was too upsetting.

For the record: I do not believe it is anyone's job to educate that cluelessness. No one is paying people of colour to put up with this shit.

Obviously I need to go back to watching Alien Nation, avoiding the news and avoiding non FoC focused fannish anythings. The last won't be too hard since I'm trying to explore GEN, which means moving away from white women hunting down white men they find 'hot' to smut about. Do WoC write the smut too? Yeah. But they tend to include a CoC - if I squint and hold my head sideways, it's far more bearable.

PS: If it is NOT obvious to you that half or three quarters the outrage over a conversation about a black woman's hair, as pertains to race relations of the future/of the current movie industry, is about white women not wanting to be reminded that the female pov character they've got to utilize/identify with if they want to write the grand het romance with Spock, actually IS a black woman - then you need to drop me off your reading list and block my ass. Cause damn, you're stupid, bailing out De'Nial on a failboat. And I call people on that shit. Loudly.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016