Dear ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) liviapenn,
I keep waiting to see a post from you apologizing for that whole thing where you acted like an asshole in regards individuals with triggers. I haven't seen anything yet from your journal. Is it your intention to go down (in history/fan history/my mind/the minds of those people you offended) as BEING an ASSHOLE?
-Willow
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This title is both tongue in cheek and true. ( Not Really Feeling Considerate But WTF )
Fucking Hypocrites.
Hi, my name is Willow. This is me NOT making friends and NOT influencing people. Unclick the ticky. 0 to pissed off in 20 minutes of writing.
ETA: 4.04pm - Still mad. Still upset.
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I've been more meta than fic writer for a while, and then skimming on the edges of media fandom (having been more involved for a time in comics fandom) and I am someone who can be triggered by certain things. But I have no idea if I've ever warned for stuff myself.
I want to think that my WIP's which were the fics I think dealt the most with dark themes were warned for before I posted them, all the way back, to the yahoo grouplist. But I was a total newbie to fandom then and was following form while not yet understanding function.
I know I was flummoxed about warnings when I transferred my first batch of fic to AO3 (haven't been back since, more's the pity). But even though that was just earlier this year, and only a few months ago, I think I was flummoxed because I had;
a) no idea really that warnings were meant to prevent and protect from triggers
b) had the idea that warnings were about squicks/kinks and character deaths.
Which seems odd when I think about it, because I do rely on friends (one mainly) to recc fic for me that I think I can handle, but I hadn't thought about why I needed that. I didn't think that h/c SGA fic was triggering, I just knew it made me feel irrationally upset, emotionally over-wrought and not worth the effort of reading them given how it affected me for the rest of the day or week.
And this while I'm in and have been in therapy for several years and am aware of triggers. I think of triggers as outside things that screw me up more than I can ground for; of certain noises, certain scenarios I might find myself in.
Focused on being present in my life and living, in the here and now, and functioning, I don't think I've consciously thought about why I avoid some television shows and why some books have become so abhorrent to me.
The more entries pop up on my flist about warnings and what people will and won't warn for; what they think will or won't be upsetting to another person has me thinking and realizing that if I, someone in therapy, aware of other triggers in my life, haven't thought about fic as more than a squick, more than knowing straight up that noncon and twincest/incest upset me - what about people who haven't had the chance to analyze their triggers at all?
And then what about discovering new triggers? Sometimes a smell can be laden with emotion I then have to climb out from under and figure out how to deal with.
Aside: I'm not saying or meaning to imply somehow that romantic relationships in, or sexually explicit, fiction have been unconsciously triggering me given my meta thoughts on General Interest Fic. I don't know. I didn't think to look at it in that context. This is not to say the world should cater to people who're triggered. Because that would be impossible, I believe. The best thing, I've been told, is learning to handle said triggers and sometimes that means minimizing exposure while working on it. Which makes warnings make sense to me. What does confuse me is this sense that somehow a warning for something emotionally frought like death or rape or dysfunctional enough to involve incest is somehow giving away the story. That's what I get from a lot of what I've seen (links, comments etc), that somehow a story is more important than another fan's feelings and emotional history. That a few words to add to what are sometimes very bland summary descriptions, thus giving more context, are ruining the craft / the warp and weave of fannish ficdom; A double odd since the summaries of books are often longer than the summaries of fics three times as long. I'm glad to see notes from some that the feelings and comfort levels of all fans matter and they want to find some system to be put in place that spreads out so that everyone knows; this is the system set up for dealing with the possibility of triggers. I just find myself thinking of the last big "Recc/No Recc Reviews are Mean/Anti Nice" crackmania. Recc/No Recc Reviews have been very helpful to me in the past and don't involve me dealing with an author directly (cold emailing someone to tell them their summary does not suffice and I need more info). Recc/No Recc Reviews feel like a stable system in addition to warnings. Especially since they tend to be done by people who like to read things and then review them for others. But there are members of the fannish community who don't like Recc/No Recc Reviews either because it harshes their squee to know that somewhere, someone didn't like their story, didn't think their writing made it worth the effort to deal with the emotional commess of the plot, etc... So what I gather is that there are a group of people who think warnings ruin the story, and who feel that written recc/no recc reviews ruin fandom and in between are people who find use for both in order to enjoy fandom, who're left to fall through the cracks. That...is dislikeable to me. Definitions: Recc/No Recc, when people recommend a story, or say they don't recommend it when posting reviews. [ Comments Off. Not in the mood/in the space to host fannish discussion right now. Maybe later. Maybe never. ]( ETA: )
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Does Pre-slash have a definition?
I realized sometime yesterday that trying to change my personal word usage was confusing me, and confusing others. I've been mentioning HET, SLASH, ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS/PARTNERSHIPS and I realized that I was meaning HET (explicit) and SLASH (explicit) and ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS to mean those stories which were not explicit.
( Cue the scroll past as needed )
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I mentioned rediscovering Alien Nation, in that I'm seeing so much more and being fulfilled as a fan, a viewer, and a lover of SF. So I've been trying to make a list of other shows I enjoyed when I was younger.
* She Wolf of London (The Tv Series) - I liked it a lot when they were in London. It didn't fit for me so much when they moved to LA. I didn't bother to hunt it down much then. I can't remember much about it, other than being wonderfully cheesey (Oz's wolf suit had nothing on the She Wolf's) but liking it because the girl was the brawn and sometimes also the brains, the guy was geeky and not assumed to be physically strong. And I remember mutual saving. Then there's the fact that it was the first time I'd ever seen the thought that a woman could survive a werewolf attack. It'd always been male werewolves before.
Neither Netflix or Amazon show any mention of it, however, so I'm thinking it might be something to ask on the fannish grapevine for possible tapes. Though I will check torrents first.
M.A.N.T.I.S - Carl Lumby. 'Nuff said.
Robocop - The Series - I can't remember much about this one, honestly. I remember liking the futuristic city and being confused but curious about the concept of a city owned by a corporation. I was really young at the time and many Americanisms went sailing over my head. Doesn't seen to be much available for it either, though I found the intro series on youtube.
( The 90's were... )
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I've found and made my definitions. I've discovered that that there is an intensity and focus on the exploration of sexuality, as a community and by individuals in explicit fanfiction (what I've been calling Het and Slash) and romantic fanfiction that I'm not currently interested in, thus leading to a feeling of voyeurism and discomfort. And possibly boredom. And I've formally declared, that this is all my perspective, perception, and opinion.
Since hiding in my head was preferably on Wed to feeling my body (I swear my teeth were itching painfully as the storm got even closer), and still is, more: Willow, Gen, Genre, Self-Introspective
( Cut tag so people can just scroll past who wish to )
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Brief statement:
Slash != Dirty Bad Wrong
Sex != Dirty Bad Wrong
Porn !- Dirty Bad Wrong
I am writing about coming into fandom through Slash, hearing certain things about Gen and now, 6-7 years later, trying to discover what Gen is, how it's different from slash, what its history is, while also making my own defintions and realizing thatwhat questions I want the fic I read and any fic I write is not currently to be found in Slash (Explicit or Non Explicit), Het (Explicit or Non Explicit) or Gen (when defined as canonical romance - when the romance drives the story or answers the story's questions).
I've had a long conversation with my boo, involving X-Files fandom and the peculiarities of noromo and also of some of the history against Slash.
I am not against Slash.
Slash helped me learn about men, women, relationships and sexuality. Slash helped me form friends. Slash introduced me to online community as made family and support. I am no longer afraid of men, qua men, because of Slash.
I have mentioned this, in locked and unlocked posts and really don't expect people who've read me for more than a year, to think that's where I'm coming from.
My anger written about in my second post (Willow's Furhter Adventure's With Gen: The Rage Cycle) was about reading a bunch of slashers define Gen via what it wasn't and isn't, instead of what it is. Which clouded things for me. And about clicking on yet another story marked Gen, but which included sexual situations. And about reading people seemingly claiming that people who like Gen can't interact with the infrastructure created by Slash, since it skews towards eroticizing and sexualizing (perving) with the squee. And about realizing that I don't hear Gen spoken about all that much, that it doesn't come up in casual conversations the way other things have come up in slash meta conversations that I'm a part of. And about how angry I was to realize that I hadn't allowed myself to think about my own wants and needs because in a community that's all about figuring out one's wants and needs and kinks and more, I felt that I'd be labeled as repressed. So I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I was.
If you want to know what I'm angry about - that's what I'm angry about. All those ANDS.
I'm not laying blame on anyone. I'm not judging anyone. I may hold my readinglist and my flist up against my image of myself, but that's it. Me going 'No, I don't actually want to interact like that/write that/follow that/explore that'.
That's not placing a value judgement on what other people read or what other people write. That is me going 'Not. For. Me'. And yes, the NOT FOR ME, I've discovered involves no sex and no smut and also no romantic focus. It wasn't me several years ago, but it's me now.
Some people like dub-con, some people like chan, some people like first times, some people like humour + sex, some people like PWP. I like stories which don't have a romantic or eros relationship as the driving force.
If my exploring what this means for me, the way I explore everything else in my journal, is too painful or triggering for you - it's on you to defriend, revoke access, remove me from your circle, scroll past. This has nothing to do with me 'growing a moral conscience' or whatever other bs phrase of similar thought applies.
I DON'T KNOW the history of Porn = Bad. Sex = Bad. Slash = Bad. No one's talked about it with me. The phonecall with my boo was the first time I heard 'it sounds a lot like when this happened, or people say this'. I came into fandom via Slash 3 - Through Spander and Sentinel. And never thought it was wrong. The one con I went too did not have the slash under the table. And a lot of the art (I couldn't afford) in the Gallery, was slash. I sat in the Con's Open Suite and heard all about Jurassic Park 3 as the Feel Good Slash Movie Of The Year. Putting Superman & Batman together made perfect sense to me the moment I heard of it when I found comic fandom overlapping fanfic fandom.
I'll check Fanlore for Slash (I hadn't thought of doing that, since I was looking up things in general, for Gen) - but hopefully it will have some of this history, which I don't know. When I first looked up Slash ages ago, it said something about Kirk and Spock and the / symbol and zines, but I actually got more information from attending that Con than the wikipedia page how many ever years ago.
If you eat a lot of chocolate, you might feel averse to it for a while. No matter how much you previously liked chocolate. Right now, I feel overwhelmed by sexuality. That has nothing to do with Slash being only about sex. What I have said is that SLASH and HET are about ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS and that's what I'm currently not feeling for.
____
1. I admit Torquere Press is more romantic erotica than 'porn' (even for broad swipe usages of the word porn) - My bad, ![[info] - personal](http://s.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) ephemera.
2. zvi is my boo. She's an incredibly important part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. She's met my mother and dealt with her. And my father knows that she's someone not only he has to met, but whose family took me in. How I interact and respond to her applies only to her. And I think she's pretty capable of defending herself from anyone, far less me. This note applies to everyone but telesilla, for we have cleared a misunderstanding.
3. I just realized it might be important to note I came to Slash in the first place, via Shared Universe Erotica. Then came Sentinel (via a co-writer), Spander -> It's been 10 years from then till now, on top of not liking a shift in focus (for me) in the writing I come across, I may just be done. ↑
PS: No, I cannot cut tag this. Also comments closed here.
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Want.
Yet another comment and yet another reply to the comment clears up more thoughts for me on why I drifted away from slash. So this entry isn't so much about GEN per say, as to what SLASH has become for me.
As I ended up writing to pandorasblog, I've stopped seeing any want in Slash fiction. Well slash or het actually.
The more I read the less it seemed to be about the want and attraction between the characters themselves and the more it seemed to be about the attraction the writer had towards the actors' bodies and/or their concept of the characters.
I felt as if I was reading more about their personal fantasies; this is how they imagine X would be and Y would totally bottom and Z would absolutely have this kink and wouldn't be be cool if B and C were into this thing which is so 'hot'.
I stopped reading Laurell K Hamilton when her personal fantasies invaded her stories. My subconscious no doubt wasn't going to deal with other sets of personal fantasies just to have something to read.
Has anyone else observed this in fic/fanfic/fandom? The porn challenges and porn battles and kink fic themes and the merry month of masturbation and all of those kind of themes?
I get it that slash and het fic have opened up doors for female reclamation of the arousing. I've read a lot of the meta. But what about the other side of things? What about when people aren't shipping/thinking those two are totally hot together / right together? What happens if you just like the universe or the set up?
I mean, I'm suddenly understanding why Nate/Sophie so pissed me off when I was watching Leverage. It was source material, but yet I felt like a relationship was being force-fed crammed down my throat and I resented it. And if I've unknowingly been feeling as if I can't get away from people's personal fantasizing, then the source material writers couldn't have been any different to me, in my mind, that a group of fans shipping the pairing and insisting on having very special moments in all their fic.
But I need to ask - at what point does anyone get to say the sexual revolution needs its own place so fandom can be a space for everyone? Because I do feel as if the moment I started talking about this, some individuals felt threatened as if I were condemning slash and het writers. And yes, there was a point where I wrote 'I hate all y'all bitcas'. (I'm experimenting with not using the word bitches, due to other conversations about gendered terms. I like the word bitchy but... tangent)
I'd wondered where the resentment came from and now I think I know. If fandom has become the space where people reclaim sexuality, explore it, discuss it, discover it, experiment with it. Then what happens to people who identify as fans who don't want to do that? Whether they ever did before or not, what happens to people who don't want to explore sexuality? And for whom, writing a story where it's just accepted that these two characters are together, whatever their genders, is their nod to writing against the mainstream and including wider possibilities of relationships, but all without bodyfluids and dominance and submission themes and all the rest. It's not their focus.
Of course, now I wonder how long this has been going on. Have things have been evolving to the point where they are now and if this is only the logical conclusion somehow? But that takes slash as a starting point for all fanfiction and fanfiction exercises/activities. And while I know K/S has its place in history, wasn't there fanfiction from other quarters?
( This is actually longer than I'd thought )
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ephemera has helped me with some definitions.
Willow's Definitions:
SLASH - Fic with a focus on m/m (or f/f) romantic relationships which drive the story forward.
HET - Fic with a focus on f/m romantic relationships, which drive the story forward.
GEN - Fic where the focus is on adventure, action, mystery, suspense or horror, world building or friend and family relationships, NOT romantic ones.
So here are my definitions for the purposes of those who still wonder what they can recc me. And so that anyone continuing to read will know where I'm coming from. I knew what I was thinking, but ephemera's use of the word focus, helped me pin down a definition (of Gen) that isn't defined by what it isn't. And it also helped me clarify why the relationships are important in Het and Slash - they are story drivers; the questions the story is meant to answer.
A made up Sentinel example:
Summary: When a particularly tough vice case comes back to haunt Jim, it sends shockwaves everywhere.
- Slash Version: How will these shockwaves affect Jim and Blair's relationship?
- Het Version: How will these shockwaves affect Jim and Megan (or Cassie, etc)'s relationship?
- Gen Version: How will these shockwaves affect who Jim thinks he is, how he sees himself? How will this affect the Major Crimes Unit? How will this affect his budding relationship with his brother? How will this affect his relationship with his father? How will this affect his relationship with his Captain? Will Jim stay in Major Crime?
( And now, the meat )
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So someone sent me to this conversation about Gen (there's Sarah Connor Chronicles stuff in the beginning) and the conversation sucks. Not because the conversation isn't interesting. But because the conversation so far (I'm still reading comments) seems to go like this:
In the old days, there was gen. Everything was gen. Gen begat Gen begat Gen and then, begat Gen again. But one day someone said 'Sexoors! Woo!' and someone else said 'Pervy Looks of Longing, Homoerotic! Woowoo!' and Slash was born! Partay. Hey, Gen's leaving - well, that's sad. Woo. I'm taking off boypants! So Gen defined as being not slash and relegated to a corner like a spinster aunt in Victorian times. Though someone actually says " Gen rolled its eyes and cleared the field". The someone else pops up to say that Gen isn't really welcome on LJ. And yet another someone else pops up to claim that's all melodramatic bullshit and how she writes Gen all the time blah blah blah. It's Liz Marcs. I've heard things about her. So I go to her LJ, and randomly pick a fic. It's DS9, and the first part is all about Kieko and Miles' doomed relationship in San Francisco. There's even mention of Miles whacking it. So the exact thing I'd hoped wouldn't happen - happened. There was sex in my peanut butter. So I scroll up to re-read the info. I'd checked things weren't R. It was PG. Personally someone whacking it, even if it's a 12 word or so sentence isn't PG to me. But whatever. Then I see ' hinted-at-slash'. I tell myself I'm not gonna read again. Fuck that. But I pick another fic of Liz Marc's - at random. I'm just gonna read the header. And I read the header, which said G, but also mentioned char death. Silly me scrolled down, and there's 'You and Anya, Me (Buffy) and Spike. I stopped reading. I've decided I'm not gonna read anymore random Gen claimed fic. The title's too damn ambiguous. Even a G rating doesn't mention that 'Here there be experimental one sided fic with buildup to relationship talk' Ugh. More reading of the Gen Conversation Post and someone suggests that squee and pic spam etc, which is how lj fandom works - is best served with pairings etc. Because apparently (my interpretation) Gen fans can't get excited about a tightly written story, good pacing, killer plot, the writers exploring some aspect of the world they never did before and doing it well, how well the team worked, the funny moments, or the character defining moments. Squee and picspam and how people talk about a fandom to define it, just works so much better with porn and pairings. So not only did I pick up this snobbery of Gen FROM Slash, but I'm beginning to see why Gen ficcers could think Slashers are a bunch of porn obsessed pompous twits. I mean really? Pic spasm isn't easy for the gen fan is an insightful thought? I... can think of several characters from several fandoms where ' Look at our guy be a goof' would be love of the character. Not to mention 'OMG! Check out the matte painting and the world building!' As I tried to continue reading, another commenter mentions these points, only to follow up with 'Fan source = TEH PRETTAY PEEPLES. P? WP?' They also mentioned that often time character and or actor appreciation is highly sexualized. This, I admit, I have been confused and discomforted by. I do feel a lot of the times, like I'm in a hot house of hetero woman, all drugged up on some kind of sex pollen, which makes them crave men, often men with other men. Young ones, old ones, who cares. Teh penis sexxors rulllles! Maybe discomforted is too tame a word. Because there's an entire culture in slash about 'We are women yearning to be free with our sexuality' that seems to want to smack anyone who says "But I'd like to enjoy my fandom without a whole bunch of; sex, porn, lust, UST, oggling etc." I almost ended up liveblogging my reactions to the post, but I stopped reading and left it overnight. Because I was swiftly getting in touch with a whole lot of well, rage. Maybe this is why I haven't wanted to go into this before. Maybe this is why I just drifted into meta and have just stopped reading fic - because it was easier to be on the edge/fringes that perhaps confront the thought that - Not being interested in a/ shipping fandom,means then maybe you aren't in fandom at all. I have been so tired of the focus on physical appearance and sex appeal and some character's fucking hair - John Sheppard if you must know. I know part of it is that I'm sick on fandom clinging to all the white characters and maybe the one -bestial/savage man- CoC, (male of course). I've been sick of seeing CoC ignored in this highly surface, highly sexualized expression of fannishness. Because the subtext message has been 'not pretty enough, not hot enough, not interesting enough, but no it has NOTHING to do with race, why do you even ask?. I'm sick of hearing the rumours -around- the ' WTF Uhura/Spock?' I'm lucky I'm not seeing original source material of stupidity much myself, but my excitement about a new timeline universe and new possibilities and who fits where now and how and what happens next, does not revolve around who's having sex in the command chair. Ok, low shot. But that's how I feel. I admit I tried to go for that angle myself. And days later I thought it sucked and sucked hard like a blackhole, not something sexual. Because my interest in, for example, the R!Jim and Prime!Spock mind meld, has more to do with with the revelation to Jim that in another universe he had family in Spock. An indepth and unbroken by death relationship and how that would affect his concept of self now. Not so much the unfulfilled romance. I'm sick of the tape in my head (which I saw reflected in TEXT at that link) that Gen is just a stronger story, that doesn't revolve around romance, thus making it better shipfic. Aka Gen is pre-slash Aka Gen is a residual character. Aka Gen, the Red Shirt. Now, being a possible Gen fan, is not at all like being black. But hot damn, it's got it's own special version of being invisible. Everyone I see trying to define it is doing so by defining what it's not. And then there's the whole 'Gen is more fandom specific I bet' and 'Does Gen have any tropes at all?' and 'Maybe Gen's wishy washy cause it doesn't have any culture or real history'. So, in sum so far? I loathe y'all many of you 'faceless' Slash Bitc heas (eta). I really, really do right now. My Boo gets a pass. She's my Boo. She's special. Marvel at the protective forcefield. It sparkles. My Partner In Crime also gets a protective forcefield. The rest of y'all? I'll just remind you that sharp, pointy things can lead to the stabbity. Also? It occurs to me that my discomfort with things may stretch back to the early stirrings of Harry Potter Fandom. Where I was looking at people slashing Harry with Draco and gong "WTF? You never had someone you just loathed? Not cheerleader vs nerd shit. But someone from an opposite House, who was always getting praise and pettings and who you wanted to punch in the face, except it'd take away House points?" I spent a lot of time wondering why British fans weren't cluing in American fans on that special kind of hate. Or on the odd social pressures that would occur for cross house friendships. My best friend growing up and I were in two different houses and it was a frigging nightmare. P-effing- S: FOR THE RECORD: I do not find romance threatening. ( ETA )
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I think, somehow, that I've become a Gen fan. I mentioned this to zvi weeks ago, possibly months ago. After the conversation, her suggestion was that I'd become a Gen fan, and I should look up the Gen infrastructure.
I didn't.
I'm not sure why, actually. What I do know, is having certain things happen quite recently that made me uncomfortable, I had the thought hit me that "Hey, I'm a Gen Fan."
And now I feel the need to define that. Because by GEN, I don't mean 'Canon relationships only'. I am not pushing a Het4TheWin! posterboard anywhere.
I've just discovered I don't want to read about sex, anyone's sex. And the thing that's been surprising to me, is that I'm perfectly fine (or at least I think I am) dealing with sex in an RP situation. Quite possibly, I'm fine when sexual situations happen to characters when I'm rping with someone I trust - I don't rp with strangers all that much anymore. And the one exception? No sex. And I've been quite relieved about it.
So yeah, I don't want to read the descriptions written by strangers of characters I like enough that I hunted down their fannish led further adventures.
But, I think I just might be a Slash Infrastructure Snob.
Slash fandom is the only fandom I know. Ok, maybe way back when, when I hunted down Xena fic that wasn't slash fandom. But that had less to do with fandom as I understand it today and more about being a lesbian. If you'd told me back then that the people writing the stories which explored Gabrielle and Xena's relationship weren't lesbians, I wouldn't have just disbelieved you. I'd probably have hit you and pushed you out into the middle of the street (not my fault if a car happened by).
So again, Slash Fandom, is the only one I know. What I do know of Gen Fansom - well, it's not pretty. It's possibly propaganda mixed with a little truth, mixed with an undercurrent. But Gen Fandom = whiny little buggers who don't want to put in the work of carving out space for themselves, who complain that slash writers steal good gen writers (and somehow make them stop writing gen) and who have friction within their own ranks about just what Gen even means.
Which might explain part of my initial resistance to hunting down Gen stuff. Because if my current deal is not wanting to stumble onto any sex - then the canon het stuff (further explored) would just piss me the hell off. (No sex in my peanut butter, damnit! *gives Detective Chen the cut eye*)
Now of course I need to go put Gen in a search engine and see what pops up and if they've solved the definition problem (or if it's only certain quarters bothering to put up the word Het as a truer definition of their work). But I thought I'd face my feelings first and sort out all these messages I have about Gen, so I can deal with them.
Because I've become aware I need to catch myself on ablist thought, and transphobic thought and racist thought and misogynistic thought - but I have no mental filter against my community' quiet internal messages about Gen? And did I even get these messages from my community, the slash community at large, randomly on the internet? Where exactly?
In fact, now that I think about it ![[info] - livejournal.com](http://s.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif) copperbadge probably counts somewhere within Gen ranks. I've read a few things by him that I really enjoyed (though I admit to waiting with a very tense stomach for the sex to charge in on a Harley like a 60's propaganda biker stereotype and mess everything up). And while I think copperbadge needs to think more, and follow up more on ongoing internet discussions (particularly about race) before he opens his mouth and inserts both feet, properly coated in pig swill, up to his knees - I don't think of him as particularly lazy, whiny, infrastructure ignorant, overly entitled or any of that shit.
So when were the Slash/Gen wars? And how did I pick up on some kind of party line thoughts?
Oh, and if anyone wants to drop a line to the secret world of Gen fiction (maybe they should PM me - it is a secret, right?), my first internet search brings up the portmanteau 'noromo' - for which I'd like to say right now, I'm iffy about. Romance and a fade to black is alright. But I don't really want to read something that's about nothing but the romance between two characters.
Example; if I even liked Bones? I'd want a story about a case or an event, not an excuse to get Booth and Bones making barely there googoo eyes at one another.
Roughneck Chronicles has six romances going on, one character having three, the other having two. And I still adore it, re-watch it often and do not think said romances take time away from THE ENSEMBLE, which is my big thing.
But given the initial search engine look see - it seems as if noromo is a phrase that I should be looking for.
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Water is wet.
Fandom has a new black dress.
Once again I think it looks like a lumpy black plastic bag.
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This post was actually started sometime last year, but I don't think I ever went through and posted it and on finding it I realize it was a perfect part two of the query and discussion I started here; Watching The Show In Your Head.
I had wanted to write about the tv show Monk. Then I had wanted to write about all the tv shows I'd liked and or dropped and how lately I'd realized that the tv show I liked, was NOT the tv show the executives inevitably decided to push. And so past the 1st season (or the season that caught my eye) - I simply didn't watch tv anymore. At least not on my own, without someone watching with me ie, bugging me and cajoling me to watch with them or keep them company.
Then later on I'd ended up thinking out and talking about the subject with a friend, (I believe it was kdorian). I realized there's so much more with Monk that I'd found disappointing. I found it the waste of a good actor. I found it a waste of a good premise...
I started watching a show about a man who'd been so traumatized by the loss/murder of his wife than his OCD went mega - total overddrive. He wasn't functional. But he was still a brilliant mystery solver. Solving mysteries was a way to make the world right and a way to hone his skills so he could track down the person who'd taken his wife away from him.
I loved that show. Yes it had silly moments and yes sometimes it also made me cringe. But I loved the show. It was about survival and growth and trauma and recovery and yes, I know I can take those themes very personally. But I was so happy with it. I wanted to buy the DVD when it came out. I couldn't wait for where they'd pick up in the next season to move along the arc involving his wife's killer. And where they would go with the friendship he was developing with his assistant's son.
And then I saw the Season 2 trailers. And it was all "Crazy man is afraid of germs. Watch him dodge monkey poop and try to solve crime!".
I was aghast. But the commercial played over and over again. Despite where the last season's arc had ended they were going to play up the disease/ the illness as a JOKE. They were going to play up the mental health issue and the trauma AS A FUCKING JOKE.
What whacky things will freak him out this season!"
Shock became disgust and I never went back. I even changed the channel when previews and ads came on. I still do. There was nothing I could salvage to continue to watch. There was no mental re-writing I could do. The ads made me afraid to go back and watch the first season, for fear I'd suddenly realize how exploitative it had always been.
SGA is another similar show. (To those currently mourning I suggest you skip. I'm not aiming to be particularly reverent).
( More here )
I started off both of my posts not sure why I mentally re-wrote on the fly and what prompted it, and what differentiated it from privilege. And the few responses I got back seemed to agree that privilege was denying that problems caused the need to re-write, vs just an active imagination.
So if there are other things that interest me(in a given media) then I have something to lose; I've been captivated and I don't want to have to come down from that experience. So in order to make the media palatable to me I have to work around/re-write/re-think the scuzzy parts - that is the problems.
But if the loss is far too big; if the scuzzy parts take over something conceptual I was waiting for, along with taking over too many other parts of the show/book, then there's no point in re-writing, because that'd be basically doing it all over from scratch - not imagining if this or that pitfall had been avoided / could be reinterpreted as something else.
This hints at a continuum for me and reminds me of when ![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/openid-profile.gif) zvi-likes-tv.livejournal.com wrote a post asking and eventually describing the attributes that make a show fannish. (I can't find said post now, so Zvi if you're reading and you remember what I'm talking about could you drop a line? I think you did tables and it had something to do with less content = more fandom filling)
Even without checking Zvi's post though, I think it's safe to say for me there does seem to be a continuum. If I place Memoirs of a Geisha on one end and SGA on the other, it feels Smallville is an example of a show that started somewhat near the middle and eventually drifted right into SGA's side of the fence and thus I dropped it completely.
(odd aside: I dropped Smallville before I dropped SGA I think. And yet SGA definitely feels like the best marker for the disappointed side of the spectrum. Maybe because the moment they changed Elizabeth I immediately started watching the show in my head, whereas that was something I turned to in Smallville until I couldn't anymore) When can't I watch the show in my head? When there's not enough to anchor me into the world of the show itself, I guess. When there's not enough to draw me in to be invested and caring if I 'throw out the baby with the bathwater'. But that phrase makes me think about privilege again and how I have heard that phrase used when I've complained about what a show or series of books or comic etc was lacking. I have been accused of doing that, while harshing someone's buzz about their show because I was letting a little thing upset everything. But the point is, it isn't little to me. Everyone probably has different things that cross the line from needing to Watch The Show In Your Head to being Unable To Watch. Maybe continuum isn't the best word choice. Scales suddenly seem much better. If a show starts off balanced with things that interest me and no, or little problems then I can watch it. As things go wrong, as problems begin, in order for me to keep watching, then I need to watch the show in my head. But as the problems pile up things become very lopsided and when I think of it in terms of weight, then suddenly I need energy to deal with that weight. I guess I feel like there probably needs to be respect for the fact that when you can't watch anymore, it means there's too much weighed on the side of dislike and disappointment. And those weights can be aspects of racism, sexism, classcism, national isolationism or just not enough plot (ala, in some Urban Fantasy novels - being unable to read the book you're reading in your head vs the actual text). *ponders* I doubt there'll be a part three, I'm currently tired of thinking and typing. But I think I'm going to pay more attention to when someone tells me they can't even watch the show in their heads anymore and I hope those who know me will pay attention to me when I say the same thing. Hmm, best thing about doing the opposite was in realizing that the very act of Watching The Show In My Head, means that I'm working around problems I see; whether or not I'm conscious of what I'm doing, whether or not the discomfort is momentary or even lucid.
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Discussing Memoirs of a Geisha with tatterpunk@LJ, here, I stumbled into the thought that watching the show in your head has similarities to privilege and how things are ignored or invisible or immediately dismissed when one re-writes the narrative on the fly.
As I stated here I began to wonder if the difference between watching the show you want to see as a fan (in fandom, discussing the source and interacting with it and having that mentality) and watching the show as a 'mundane' is that discussing the source and talking about it brings you moments of realizing just exactly how and where and why you ended up seeing what you wanted to see.
In Memoirs of a Geisha, I saw tropes I loathed and so I chose to interpret them in ways that made me feel more comfortable with the story and that gave the characters more depth. But I suddenly realized there might be no difference in the actions themselves to someone who chooses not to see the racial problems and dynamics of say SGA with Teyla and Ronon, or racial dynamics in any other tv show or book/fandom property.
When brought up in discussion I can tell you why I chose to see something in a particular way. But while watching it, I don't think I was at all consciously aware of what I was doing. I was so wrapped up in the music and the costumes and the cinematography that I didn't want to have shallow stereotypes ruin things, so I changed my view. I ignored things and created my own fannish reality. If I wrote a review analyzing Memoirs, for example, I'm not sure if I'd have written about the movie I wanted to watch, or the movie I actually did watch. And I wonder if it's only in fandom that someone would understand what I did and understand that my interpretation was my reactions to the things that bothered me and thus were an acknowledgement those things existed.
So I'm suddenly confused about how my re-writing of the story acknowledges what's wrong with it vs how someone else who watched what they wanted to see, might have been blinded by privilege.
Is it privilege to re-write like that?
Is this precisely what infuriates me about the fans who watch SGA for example and see Ronon the MoC Fantasy Fodder and completely miss or dismiss valid notes on racism, colonialism and manifest destiny?
I admit that slash is an example of re-writing thing on the fly. You watch the show and you see subtext and you fill in backstory even if you never write it out as fic (perhaps you postulate in a meta post). But the point is you filter your experience. Is my anger at the fans who dismiss my and others complaints about the hurtful aspects of some shows, as turbulent as it is because I'm already aware they have an ability to filter their experience and I'm angry that they don't consider using my filter?
I'd probably be writing a much less hesitant post if I could figure out the right words to describe this moment of confusilation (it's like illumination, but with confusion)
ETA: Pt 2 (I'm not sure why Metafandom listed it under an SGA tag. But I do discuss SGA in part 2, which I only just posted Saturday the 23rd Aug)
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This and also this and unbelievably but true this all relate to purplepopple here on iJay being an individual who shamelessly and boldly links fannish pseud's to RL Identities and may have a thing for harassing the OTW folk in particular.
I'm not pro OTW. I rather avoid thinking about it where I can.
But people I care about are involved in OTW. It brings them squee.
Calling up BS about how if they have their real identities listed a) anywhere on the net, b) as part of OTW then it's all public property / a simple connection/ wtf ever? That's... I don't even have words for that.
I went to the _fanhistory wiki_ that the outer is promoting and did a quick search to make sure none of the fans I've known and cared for who've since died are in the directory. It wasn't likely since it seems to be build_me_a_wiki_via_bot_&_ff.net profiles_ but I needed to double-check.
It's been asked that folk not link to the _fanhistory wiki_ because doing so pushes up the page's google-rankings.
Just today I posted about how I view fandom vs how other people seem to be viewing it and the 'Cult of Nice'. And yet I don't think there's anyone who believes in reviews and recs (or concrit for that matter) who'd be all for linking identities.
JC, Mary, Joseph and the Prophet Elijah. That's some bold faced vindictiveness.
If you want more information please do read the links, on LJ or not. Because those are well phrased and spaced explanations of what's going on. This right here is as coherent as I get before the cussing starts.
( The Cussing )
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I stopped watching the UK version sometime in the beginning of S2, I think. So I guess I'm not a fan the way some folk I know are. Just looked on youtube at the US trailer. I'd seen some splash page cast picture sometime this month.
Once again my first thought was "COLM MEANEY!" and why the hell is Dawn in the 1970's.
Do I think this will translate well? No I don't.
I highly doubt the US version is going heartily sprinkle all the racism around. The British version didn't handle it well. The US version? Would totally cock it up. And not just because the US cocks things up. But because things in the two countries were very, very different. The culture is different. The experiences are different. And hell, LA in the 70's would be different to NYC in the 70's would be different to Atlanta in the 70's. Not to mention the history of cop shows. But that's all stuff people were saying when the idea got spawned and leak to the entertainment press.
Right now as I distract myself from the floating away sensation of my head, I just think, as a fan who dropped out early, that the casting and writers, without insight to British tropes and cliches, have really no idea why the UK show worked.
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I haven't looked at Metafandom over at LJ in weeks, possibly months. I just checked my feed today and scrolling down I realized I didn't really want to read any of the posts mentioned. I haven't been reading and yet I still found out about the things that I like being aware of. But I didn't have to put up with so much "Slash vs The Patriarchy" or "Grammar & You" or "Vidding Etiquette & How To's". Though truthfully the last bit I'm kind of curious about as a natural outcropping of my love of film and cinematography. But with Meta-fandom on del.icio.us now, I can choose to just look for vidding when my head's in the right space to read about vidding.
Am I becoming less of a (media) fan?
I shifted from fiction to meta without quite realizing I was going exclusive on one and mostly absent on the other. I don't participate in ficathons, mostly because I don't enjoy most of the new little black dresses. And I've begun to find most of the meta listed on Meta fandom to be ... lacking. I know part of my scrutiny right now is because I'm coming off the heels of Amanda Marcotte & The Straw That Broke WoC Blogger's Back. I did see one interesting article in about a month and a half worth of entries.
But it was exploring a topic I'd already explored with the former roommate. So it didn't say anything new, even if I enjoyed reading it written out. And then I just couldn't deal with looking at the comments. My mental voice was all 'You don't need the stress'.
Just how wrapped up in the feminism that needs change is slash and media fandom in the first place? Does dissatisfaction with one naturally lead to dissatisfaction with the other?
Is this growth or just change? And change to what?
It's difficult to figure it out when it doesn't seem to have positives but instead a giant blinking neon sign of : DO NOT WANT.
( Read more... )
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This is probably going to offend some people.
I was IM-ing with someone about LJ and the Clarification of the Clarification. The discussion segued into Fannish tropes and cliches and how the non-fannish can read fanfic and likely understand the story if it's based on a media product they're familiar with or just plain well written without constantly inferring the original source. But there are a heck of a lot of little things they just won't get - the soft touches of inner fanservice - the memes, the subtle parodies that can happen in a drama, the fact that some of those cliches are genres - h/c, mpreg, woke up gay, etc...
Anyway while dealing with some things in the recent move to the new apartment, and having grr and random upset and emotional upheaval it suddenly hit me that if I thought of Christianity as a Fandom, the various people in my life who are Christian are suddenly less annoying/grating/etc to me.
( Told You This Might Offend. Be Warned. )
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pissed off
confused
contemplative
indescribable
mentally tired
spacey