By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 08:42PM | Sat, August 20th | 2011
Subject: So - First Ever Attempt At Ribs
Security: Public
Tags:food

Beef Ribs. In the crockpot. Guess I'll find out how they came out tomorrow. Tonight? Salmon.

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Willow
Date: 11:24PM | Mon, April 25th | 2011
Subject: Clouds Part, Ray Of Light, Fairies Singing
Security: Public
Tags:food, food issues

Yay! Experimentation has revealed to me which type of apple it is, I absolutely loathe. Get thee behind me Macintosh, you starchy, thick, oddly dry, makes me think of diet, deprivation, hunger and throwing up, you repulsive fruit you.. I have found that Gala is not bad (it is perhaps a good salad apple) and that I really enjoy Golden Delicious. (for immediate snacking).

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Willow
Date: 08:38PM | Fri, April 15th | 2011
Subject: Dear Self
Security: Public
Tags:food, health: physical, note to self

If you eat rice again, I will beat you. Send back ALL the rice and what you can't send back - hide, and throw away any dregs if you bloody have to, because IT DOES NOT AGREE WITH YOU. It makes you feel swollen and overly full and crampy and uncomfortable and a little digestion burny.

I know you think it can't possible be WORSE for us than potatoes of all things (and the books that say sweet potatoes are better still) but apparently THAT IS THE CASE. And continuing to hurt oursevles isn't doing us any good at all. So yes, while it feels impossible and wrong and unfair - NO. MORE. RICE.

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Willow
Date: 11:11PM | Mon, April 11th | 2011
Subject: Food Issues Continue
Security: Public
Tags:about me, depression scale 8, food

I have spent nearly every moment since I woke up today thinking about food. Food and pain. Woke up in agony, had no clue how I was going to cook for myself. Spent the day bargaining against making something simple since I WOULD have to cook - to make something more than a 'stick it in your mouth'.

So I ended up making corned beef and veggie potato salad. And then immediately started feeling sick and disgusted with food. Made myself eat it anyway because I hadn't eaten anything but popcorn all day.

Am now kind of conflicted/near tears/frustrated. But at least I'm journaling about it.

PS: iJay wouldn't post. Also? Seem completely turned off meat atm. No effing idea.

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Willow
Date: 12:19AM | Sat, April 9th | 2011
Subject: Frustration Levels Too Damn High
Security: Public
Mood:-- --
Tags:feel like crap, food

It's been raining all day. I admitted to myself, 4 hours after I got up, that I was in too much pain to go out, into the rain to do the errands I'd wanted to do. And then I realized I was also in too much pain to cook - finally managed hours later to make a small something. But it wasn't enough - cause once again I'm trying to go w/o starchy carbs.

Right now, I feel like I can't do this. Lack of carbs has me hungry every 3 hours; on days when I have intense pain, I can't cook that many times. And if I can't order out to cover the gap - have spent hours trying to imagine what I could spend money on to have delivered that wouldn't make me sick, or bloated or have me feeling starving again in just a few short hours. Staying hungry has been easier.

Where's the cookbook (far less the products) for when one is avoiding possible allergens and starchu/sugar raising foods, and the pain in one's arms makes the thought of cutting up food seem like a challenge of Everst? Oh yeah, and all of that on a tight, limited budget? Granted, right now I don't have all the necessary groceries. But even when I do - I still have to cook them. Suddenly I know how I ended up slipping away; feeling hungry and not being able to balance that against pain.

I'm willing to take what medicines are needed. I just want to aid them as much as I can with my eating habits. But I don't know what to do right now. It's hard enough battling pain; y'know, pain -> dirty dishes -> more complications cooking etc. This is all a little easier on good days, but bad days? Like today? When my fore-arms spasmed and my back hurt and my footsteps hurt and curling up with the cat felt like my only comfort. What about those days?

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Willow
Date: 01:08AM | Thu, April 7th | 2011
Subject: Some Thoughts
Security: Public
Tags:a bundle of thoughts, about me, food, food as good living, food as medicine, thinky thoughts

I don't often talk about my diet, what I'm eating, not eating. It can trigger things for me, I know it definitely triggers things for other people. I've been writing about it a lot more here in my journal; dealing with health issues and gluten intolerance and the possibility of celiac disease. I picked up some books from the library today, recipes, eating, diabetes. And flipping through a few, one thing hit me immediately - I started putting more carbs b ack into my diet because I was so hungry all the time without them. And I need to write this out, in hopes I remember to bring it up with a nutritionist who might give a damn.

More Food Talk )

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Willow
Date: 01:35PM | Sun, April 3rd | 2011
Subject: Well well well
Security: Public
Mood:momentarily amused momentarily amused
Tags:cooking, feeling: complex, food

Ways to realize you've lost weight. You put on your long apron, and realize it's now covering your stomach and knees, instead of your chest, stomach and thighs. Tadah, less belly, less bosoms.

I might need to cut it so there's a bow tied at the back of my neck instead of a hoop.

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Willow
Date: 02:09PM | Sat, April 2nd | 2011
Subject: Further Adventures In Willow Catching A Clue
Security: Public
Mood:nauseated / grumpy nauseated / grumpy
Tags:*sigh*, errands: online, food

1. Cookbooks Are Not Dictators.

Now, while this might seem pure common sense to most, it hasn't been for me. I realized sometime this week/last night that even though I did consider modifying recipes, when I saw them, for my own tastes; I had not considered that people might buy cookbooks ANYWAY, even if the recipe wasn't exact, in order to remind themselves of a dish.

Then again, maybe people don't do that. Maybe they only buy a cookbook if they like every recipie. And it is not at all like how I only buy cd albums if I like 75-80% of the songs, so I feel I get my money's worth.

Anyway, I'm not sure I want to buy cookbooks - mostly for money reasons. I do think I want to flip through them, however and get ideas. And that it is okay to get ideas. And frankly I need some help with food ideas, because I do get stuck in ruts, get bored and then (very much like a child) don't want to see the food for months, possibly years.

2. In other, other news: the pot/cookware set I'd wanted last year is no longer available by Amazon, so I'd have to use a merchant and pay for shipping. On the other hand, I'm now oddly more confident they are exactly what I want. It only took me a year to shake out my fears and misapprehensions about a/the purchase. Of course I really have to buy it very very soon, because last night's dinner attempt, which I was initially quite proud of, had spots that tasted of soap. And now more bits today taste of soap - which is an awful lot of food wasted because the pot can't get free of soap; even after boiling water clean.

Why must life be so expensive? Tra and la. Guess today equals a lot of yogurt (implode the dairy free), since even trying to pick at the parts that may not be soap flavoured makes me want to hurl.

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Willow
Date: 08:05AM | Mon, March 21st | 2011
Subject: Grrr Arrrg! **stab stab, cough, scream, mood swing!**
Security: Public
Mood:weird weird
Tags:about me, food, food porn

Only slept five or six hours, woke up at 3am, practically starving. Tried for a cup of milk, and ended up not quite dozing with my stomach gnawing at me for two hours. So finally got up and managed some kind of food for myself. I blame hunger for a weird dream involving Ryuuji Otogi, a female doctor, and this other woman who was around for reasons I don't even know. I think it was a medical situation. At one point, one climbed into bed with me, and the other was reading a storybook sitting on the edge. It was just too bizarre and I was surprised when I woke up, that I hadn't seemed to realize it was a dream. I'm glad I did recognize it was bizarre though. Hurrah for boundary sensors!

Now to try and make sure this hunger headache GOES AWAY. I am fed up with flares, pains, joint aches, burnt fingers, hunger pangs, dizziness, back spasms and the damn rest.

I am craving Orange Juice. Like I am seriously considering ordering groceries and it being nothing but ground beef, orange juice and potatoes (ok and maybe milk)

Also I've reached the point of dreaming about bread; apple turn overs in the triangles of puff pastry, fresh baked home-made bread, french bread with butter and parmasean cheese, scones (raspberry & current), croissants, toast w/ butter, crackers and cheese (made better with guava jam). Also grilled cheese sandwiches and roti (Caribbean Style) and waffles and possible pancakes, but definitely also blue berry muffins.

I feel like Grover having a spaz out; over bread.

Ended up speaking to my mother yesterday, at least I think it was yesterday. She can't make up her mind if it's a wheat allergy she's convinced her children have or a gluten allergy. It's a conversation with my mother, it's not going to get any better than that. And yes, it is weird that she's treating what happened as if nothing happened - but that is yet another classic Momitude/Momism/Momithing so I'm trying to cope.

I need to look up recipes for Moong Flour and Channa Flour and Split Pea flour cause I have bags of those and not enough spoons to make Roti (Caribbean style).

Am I boring you yet? Also made 90% decision about my landlady's gift card. Expect my mother to either get me a Sautese (Circulon) or Sneakers (DC Women's Skaters). And I'm trying to choose between Boddy Back Buddy or Original Back Knobby II. Also does anyone know of an electric massager that's GENTLE? I loathe feeling like a road and like the massager is a jack hammer and my muscles are a tar/asphalt covered road.

In other other news: First Comes Loves = Wedding Show I'm finding more enjoyable than most, cause queer couples yay! (And yeah I still go - only two people? Weird. Oh my wee poly heart).

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Willow
Date: 12:19AM | Fri, March 11th | 2011
Subject: The Cheesecake (Nando's)
Security: Public
Mood:culinary dissatisfaction culinary dissatisfaction
Tags:birthday month, food

This was not good cheesecake. There was no 'brulee'. The crust was not rich, but pale and somewhat cheap and cardboard tasting. And no, it did not taste of the cardboard box it came in, but a different flavour of board (ala flour and apparently not real graham for the graham cracker). The cream cheese portion was pasty and also a touch slimy. The raspberry was a kind of jam or sauce drizzled over the top and then cooled with the cake, and consideration was not made for the fact that chill sweetens the flavour of jam like products. I ate half of it for birthday's sake, but the rest is going in the trash.

This was not even HALF as good as the cheesecake Zvi's Mom makes - though perhaps that is because I've only ever had hers FRESH and this cheesecake if it was fresh, did not weather at all well.

Tomorrow, I go to 'The Factory'.

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Willow
Date: 02:43PM | Fri, September 24th | 2010
Subject: Ow
Security: Public
Mood:grumpy grumpy
Tags:food

Grocery shopping is incredibly depression these days, as the prices of things have gone so high. I sit here trying to figure out if I have enough vegetables, trying to balance nutrion and price and what odds and ends treats (in terms of different kind of meals to be prepared) I can squeeze in.

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Willow
Date: 07:07PM | Tue, April 6th | 2010
Subject: The Little Muggings
Security: Public
Tags:food, food as good living, food as medicine

A thought I'd meant to put down yesterday but got distracted.

I made a veggie rice meal while waiting for a turkey breast to cook. Rosemary, olive oil, garlic, rice, pigeon peas, a dash of woostershire's. And it was SO AMAZINGLY GOOD. And as I was eating it I couldn't figure out if it was that I was just so hungry. And then I realized I was in taste bud/culinary awe over the sautéed fresh garlic. And it hit me, I'd forgotten what fresh garlic tastes like.

Circumstances with pain had made it so, in order for me to try and cook I needed help; some assistance from the less than scratch world. And while I don't regret the mental switch that I had to work through about not from scratch food - because sometimes you don't have the spoons and you need to admit it - I've realized this is one of the little muggings of ill health.

And not just ill health, when 7oz of pre-chopped garlic is less expensive than fresh.

I suddenly saw I'd reduced the world to calories and nutrients, proteins, carbohydrates and spoons. It kept me going. And I'd like to think it kept me healthier than I otherwise would have been. Though an 8 and a 6 on the Crap Scale, are both still on the Crap Scale. But something was definitely lost. Now, I've been grr-ed myself at the various food gurus going on and on about FRESH! FARM RAISED! LOCAL! BLAH BLAH BLAH! A lot of the times they don't really understand the concept of stretching a dollar and when they do mention cheap vs bad health later, they don't get at all that cheap but full and dollar stretched will always win over 'avoiding bad health somewhere down the line' for people who need to live in the now and the present and deal paycheck to paycheck etc...

But I loved garlic growing up. I loved garlic in food. I loved garlic on toast. I loved garlic enough to take the toast out and have roasted garlic in lightly melted cheese and go all dreamy eyed. Restaurants that roast a whole bulb and put it there with a little oil for you to devour? OMGYUM!

And I'd forgotten the taste.

I was still buying garlic and putting it in my food because I remembered liking it. And more, there's lots and lots of talk about how good it is for you. Input garlic = statistical health bonus. Ping! But I never really thought about how it didn't smell the same, invoke the same reactions in my mouth and stomach - when it came out of a bottle.

One little mugging via food science and cheaper production and ill health and less spoons and compromise and compensation and effort.

Now I'm wondering if it wasn't just my imagination that home-made cookies made with basic ingredients taste SO MUCH BETTER than store bought, and even store bought to be baked. My mind's currently pondering Flavour Recognition and getting it 'just good enough' until eventually the flavour most easily recognized is not the original one.

Anyway, I'm not planning a big todo re: food, my budget, shopping, etc. But I did order whole bulbs this grocery tab (the fresh I have here having been bought at my mother's insistence for folk medicine purposes).

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Willow
Date: 01:41AM | Wed, December 2nd | 2009
Subject: Stuff
Security: Public
Tags:about me, computer adventures, food

Well, would you look at that. It appears the HD I bought is coming at just the right time. Because I apparently have a virus and my attempts to get rid of it, has resulted in my firefox bookmarks disappearing, an inability to use system restore (though seriously can anyone -actually- use system restore? Feels like it won't work at the slightest sniffle).

And actually I appear to have had the virus for several weeks now. I just thought I'd accidentally done something to settings to totally hide hidden files and folders. But no, there's actually a hidden files and folders virus and mucks with registry etc, etc etc...

Have managed to find my bookmarks using search (bookmarks*) and saved the pages so I can maybe try to import them or do something manually or who knows. They're there at the very least. Not quite sure my attempt to save my session folder will turn out favourably - but I can handle that mostly.

I am really going to miss Foldermaker which makes my life so much easier. There's supposedly a freeware version, but I'm unsure if it has everything the GOTD version has. Still when I've done the whole 'fixing hardcore/reverse time' thing, I'll dwl and use it because colour coded folders (with icons) helps make things better.

In other news:

Could not find chocolate ship, walnut cookies. And I couldn't look more than two places because that'd use up a lot of spoons. But really Superfresh? Still they had Pillsbury 'New! We Took Out All That Crap We Put In & Now We Have An 'Organic' Decour Line!' And it was on sale. So I get to have fresh cookies, when I go to bake them, without high fructose cornsyrup and a whole lot of BS.

Did I mention the sale? So I got regular chocolate chip and then paid too much money on walnuts (which I will attempt to stick into the cookie rolls before baking) and I got peanut butter. Kept seeing Danish Butter Cookies everywhere. And yes, they are also 'Xmas/Seasonal Cookies' but chocolate walnut chip brings up much stronger emotions and memories. (Maybe I'll pick up a tin for new year's).

Cleaners show up on Thursday. Arrgh. But I got lead in time and just have to load the dishwasher, basically and then get out of their way.

*contemplates middle of night baking*

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Willow
Date: 11:10AM | Mon, November 30th | 2009
Subject: A 'Three Things Make A Post' Post
Security: Public
Tags:caribbean girl, food, three things make a post

1. I made a nice luscious turkey breast and am ever so pleased.

2. People using nicca as a substitute for a particular racial slur? Ain't foolin' no one.

3. Parboiled rice is 80% nutritionally similar to brown rice? Really? I need triple confirmation from other sources Wikipedia. Cause that much just save my wallet.

Oh my. It is! I never knew that. I grew up around parboiled rice. I always thought it was beige because, well, we had peas in it :) Or it was in peleau etc, etc... I've been paying close to health food prices for brown rice ever since this summer when the rice prices soared. And I thought my attempts at cooking regular rice in the past simply sucked cause I was doing something wrong - not cause I was trying recipes on the wrong kind of rice!

*boggles*

Also talking to Fickle and she's stunned at the whole 'On the package it is advised not to wash the rice because it washed off the nutrients'. And she was all 'But the gravel!' And I was all 'Yes! I remember washing rice and picking out the occasional bit of gravel. But in the US Rice is apparently -really- processed.'

I can still remember being shouted at that I was 'Washing out the vitamins!' *smh*

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Willow
Date: 09:05PM | Sat, August 1st | 2009
Subject: Portion Size
Security: Public
Tags:food, socio-political

Am I the only one who thinks portion sizes in America went up in relation to inflation, so that people would believe they were getting something 'more' for their money (because prices were not lowered after the recession) and then the industry had to keep up with the population's expectations of large sizes? Which isn't to say larger portions haven't distorted people's sense of how much to automatically eat. And it isn't to say that portion sizes haven't helped contribute to eating disorders. But the ability to feel full is something that once was a constant and now isn't, thanks to additives.

That to me has more to do with intake confusions and overeating than 'But the sizes are so large now!'. It's like the people writing the article I read, and many of the comments, had never heard of doggy bags, or splitting the meal.

I do give them that as portion sizes increased in food eaten outside the home, it changed the concept of portion sizes for food eaten within the home. But were those portions ever really fixed? And at home there's the concept of seconds and thirds and also the comfort of leftovers.

But maybe I'm just irked because I do not feel a need to have a) small and large being 'regulated by legislation into meaning 'contains only x amount of calories'. Not do I need my food b) labeled as 'high calories' when I go to eat out because it's over 300. I don't believe that because I don't need it, everyone doesn't need. But I also don't believe everyone actually DOES need it. And for those who don't, it shouldn't be a mandated thing they can't avoid.

Never before has The Ominvore's Dilemma and the whole concept of 'American Has No Traditional Cuisine' been so apparent to me. How else does a country's traditional method of eating become Calorie Counting?

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Willow
Date: 10:59AM | Thu, June 11th | 2009
Subject: Food
Security: Public
Tags:about the world, food, food as medicine

The granola bars I've been enjoying so much lately? They have Soy Protein in them. Soy Protein is one of the hidden forms of MSG. Is that related to my increased pain levels in the past two months? I've no idea. What I do know is that this list infuriates and depresses me:

Glutamate , Glutamic acid , Gelatin, Monosodium glutamate, Calcium caseinate , Textured protein, Monopotassium glutamate, Sodium caseinate, Yeast nutrient, Yeast extract, Yeast food Autolyzed yeast, Hydrolyzed protein (any protein that is hydrolyzed) , Hydrolyzed corn gluten, Natrium glutamate (natrium is Latin/German for sodium)


AND

Carrageenan, Maltodextrin, Malt extract, Natural pork flavoring, Citric acid, Malt flavoring, Bouillon and Broth, Natural chicken flavoring , Soy protein isolate, Natural beef flavoring, Ultra-pasteurized, Soy sauce, Stock, Barley malt, Soy sauce extract, Whey protein concentrate, Pectin, Soy protein, Whey protein, Protease, Soy protein concentrate, Whey protein isolate, Protease enzymes, Anything protein fortified, Flavors(s) & Flavoring(s) Anything enzyme modified, Anything fermented, Natural flavor(s) & flavoring(s), Enzymes anything, Seasonings (the word "seasonings")



The top list is guaranteed MSG, the bottom, is those things that often contain MSG or create MSG during the processing of the food product. The infuriating part to me? Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome et al, have autoimmune symptoms. Often they're counted as autoimmune diseases or disorders.

Gee. I wonder, what could it be? What could possibly be making some of us have bodies that feel attacked? What could it be? What vicious cycle could we also be part of? Feel bad, can't cook, buy more processed food to pull together a meal quickly, feel bad, can't cook...

Would you like a spoonful? )

I'm not about to go off on a crusade. I don't have the energy. I'm just quietly angry and depressed that even when I've been looking at labels, I haven't been seeing everything there was to see. I don't know what I thought about what whey protein was or why it was needed. The word protein didn't ring alarms in my head. I likely thought it was some kind of binder agent. Though it's also possible that I never before saw a need to read the back of a packet of crisps when I already knew said packet was a treat for me and who thinks it might not be potato, oil, salt? (Hydrolosized corn protein and corn starch btw)

When I think about the poor and poorer, who're picking up these foods as the best stretch of their dollar and falling prey to illness after illness and health problem after health problem; When I think about the doctors who think some disorders/symptoms/pains might all be in people's heads and there's all this information about a chemical attack on our bodies (being suppressed) - through the venues we use to nourish ourselves - it's just all too much. Especially when I'm having a sore and painful day and wondering how I'll be managing to feed myself.

Btw: I've now read The Omnivore's Delima - there's no clue in there about what someone's supposed to do when they can't afford to shop local/non chemical/grass fed.

via (many sites, including) this one

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Willow
Date: 01:44PM | Fri, June 5th | 2009
Subject: Oops?
Security: Public
Mood:eep eep
Tags:errands: shopping, food, whoa

I have too many groceries. Or uhm, my larder, it is very sell stocked. I made a bit of a mistake in not understanding that when something reaches me spoiled by delivery and I'm told I'll be given it free, and to include that fact in the notes section of my order, that there's no need to have those items already in my cart. So I've got two of some things. And then I got a little 'overboard' in trying to buy some 'easy' food so I'd order out less given all the pain I've been having. But I also tend to balance that off, by buying more nutritious type food and well.

Very well stocked.

Which isn't a bad thing, except for a slight worry of possibly over eating.

But I've got a chicken I need to cook tomorrow (putting away the groceries and wanting to deal with kitty litter later puts it out of possibility for tonight). But after that, I won't have to worry about non easy food should the rain keep up and the pain crank up. There is tuna, and a whole ton of chicken for easy grilling and significant oatmeal.

Everyone can feel safe and secure that there is food for all manner of ages and mobility.

Hopefully by later tonight I'll stop feeling like this is all a mistake and relax and think of it as a moment of prosperity, well scheduled.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016