I don't often talk about my diet, what I'm eating, not eating. It can trigger things for me, I know it definitely triggers things for other people. I've been writing about it a lot more here in my journal; dealing with health issues and gluten intolerance and the possibility of celiac disease. I picked up some books from the library today, recipes, eating, diabetes. And flipping through a few, one thing hit me immediately - I started putting more carbs b ack into my diet because I was so hungry all the time without them. And I need to write this out, in hopes I remember to bring it up with a nutritionist who might give a damn.
( More Food Talk )
A thought I'd meant to put down yesterday but got distracted.
I made a veggie rice meal while waiting for a turkey breast to cook. Rosemary, olive oil, garlic, rice, pigeon peas, a dash of woostershire's. And it was SO AMAZINGLY GOOD. And as I was eating it I couldn't figure out if it was that I was just so hungry. And then I realized I was in taste bud/culinary awe over the sautéed fresh garlic. And it hit me, I'd forgotten what fresh garlic tastes like.
Circumstances with pain had made it so, in order for me to try and cook I needed help; some assistance from the less than scratch world. And while I don't regret the mental switch that I had to work through about not from scratch food - because sometimes you don't have the spoons and you need to admit it - I've realized this is one of the little muggings of ill health.
And not just ill health, when 7oz of pre-chopped garlic is less expensive than fresh.
I suddenly saw I'd reduced the world to calories and nutrients, proteins, carbohydrates and spoons. It kept me going. And I'd like to think it kept me healthier than I otherwise would have been. Though an 8 and a 6 on the Crap Scale, are both still on the Crap Scale. But something was definitely lost. Now, I've been grr-ed myself at the various food gurus going on and on about FRESH! FARM RAISED! LOCAL! BLAH BLAH BLAH! A lot of the times they don't really understand the concept of stretching a dollar and when they do mention cheap vs bad health later, they don't get at all that cheap but full and dollar stretched will always win over 'avoiding bad health somewhere down the line' for people who need to live in the now and the present and deal paycheck to paycheck etc...
But I loved garlic growing up. I loved garlic in food. I loved garlic on toast. I loved garlic enough to take the toast out and have roasted garlic in lightly melted cheese and go all dreamy eyed. Restaurants that roast a whole bulb and put it there with a little oil for you to devour? OMGYUM!
And I'd forgotten the taste.
I was still buying garlic and putting it in my food because I remembered liking it. And more, there's lots and lots of talk about how good it is for you. Input garlic = statistical health bonus. Ping! But I never really thought about how it didn't smell the same, invoke the same reactions in my mouth and stomach - when it came out of a bottle.
One little mugging via food science and cheaper production and ill health and less spoons and compromise and compensation and effort.
Now I'm wondering if it wasn't just my imagination that home-made cookies made with basic ingredients taste SO MUCH BETTER than store bought, and even store bought to be baked. My mind's currently pondering Flavour Recognition and getting it 'just good enough' until eventually the flavour most easily recognized is not the original one.
Anyway, I'm not planning a big todo re: food, my budget, shopping, etc. But I did order whole bulbs this grocery tab (the fresh I have here having been bought at my mother's insistence for folk medicine purposes).
If the protein powder is a good help for my protein needs, then there's the possibility I could do grassfed meat, if I only eat meat occasionally. I would like to try the soy citrus spare ribs - but I'm also wary of utilizing processed soy as a protein substitute.
The granola bars I've been enjoying so much lately? They have Soy Protein in them. Soy Protein is one of the hidden forms of MSG. Is that related to my increased pain levels in the past two months? I've no idea. What I do know is that this list infuriates and depresses me:
Glutamate , Glutamic acid , Gelatin, Monosodium glutamate, Calcium caseinate , Textured protein, Monopotassium glutamate, Sodium caseinate, Yeast nutrient, Yeast extract, Yeast food Autolyzed yeast, Hydrolyzed protein (any protein that is hydrolyzed) , Hydrolyzed corn gluten, Natrium glutamate (natrium is Latin/German for sodium)AND
Carrageenan, Maltodextrin, Malt extract, Natural pork flavoring, Citric acid, Malt flavoring, Bouillon and Broth, Natural chicken flavoring , Soy protein isolate, Natural beef flavoring, Ultra-pasteurized, Soy sauce, Stock, Barley malt, Soy sauce extract, Whey protein concentrate, Pectin, Soy protein, Whey protein, Protease, Soy protein concentrate, Whey protein isolate, Protease enzymes, Anything protein fortified, Flavors(s) & Flavoring(s) Anything enzyme modified, Anything fermented, Natural flavor(s) & flavoring(s), Enzymes anything, Seasonings (the word "seasonings")
The top list is guaranteed MSG, the bottom, is those things that often contain MSG or create MSG during the processing of the food product. The infuriating part to me? Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome et al, have autoimmune symptoms
. Often they're counted as autoimmune diseases or disorders.
Gee. I wonder, what could it be? What could possibly be making some of us have bodies that feel attacked? What could it be? What vicious cycle could we also be part of? Feel bad, can't cook, buy more processed food to pull together a meal quickly, feel bad, can't cook... ( Would you like a spoonful? )
I'm not about to go off on a crusade. I don't have the energy. I'm just quietly angry and depressed that even when I've been looking at labels, I haven't been seeing
everything there was to see. I don't know what I thought about what whey protein was or why it was needed. The word protein didn't ring alarms in my head. I likely thought it was some kind of binder agent. Though it's also possible that I never before saw a need to read the back of a packet of crisps when I already knew said packet was a treat for me and who thinks it might not be potato, oil, salt? (Hydrolosized corn protein and corn starch btw)
When I think about the poor and poorer, who're picking up these foods as the best stretch of their dollar and falling prey to illness after illness and health problem after health problem; When I think about the doctors who think some disorders/symptoms/pains might all be in people's heads and there's all this information about a chemical attack on our bodies (being suppressed) - through the venues we use to nourish ourselves - it's just all too much. Especially when I'm having a sore and painful day and wondering how I'll be managing to feed myself.
Btw: I've now read The Omnivore's Delima
- there's no clue in there about what someone's supposed to do when they can't afford to shop local/non chemical/grass fed.
via (many sites, including) this one
zvi is really really smart about doctors and functioning in the world of adult humans. I go pick up my revised prescription tomorrow.
Other news - first my ricotta had a red mark on it. Now my milk's gone off after two weeks. Either my fridge is no longer as cold as it was, or I got jacked this round of grocery shopping with stuff that wasn't dated far enough back.
It's kind of turned me off cooking - so delivery it will be.
Does anyone have any thoughts on making sure their books are covered by insurance? My prior therapist had mentioned asking specifically for certain coverage for my computers (which I tried to do), but then things got distracted with conversation about books needing inventory so they know precisely how much they cost.
And then there's stuff I read about how some things get a capped limit replacement value?
This grownup stuff is hard.
And oh wait. I've got salmon left, that's easy enough to make. I can treat myself tomorrow when I leave the house.[too hungry, ordered]
Also? Just realized my birthday cake is still in the fridge *facepalm* Apparently Willow loves the Cheesecake, Willow just can't even eat a whole one, even a small one, all by herself. I realize the same little mischief makers who had me ordering the slightly larger one, may have had me missing the package in the fridge.
Now we all know better. Two or three slices or Cheesecake Icecream (hmm, Marble Slab).
Other randomness: Manufacturing consent : the political economy of the mass media. I borrowed that, haven't gotten around to reading it yet. Also lost track of two YA books I'd borrowed. Zvi wanted to read them and put them on my bookcase after looking through them. Problem? I don't look for library books on my bookcase. Out of my system? Out of sight.
Have read: Jim Butcher's Turn Coat. I... have no words for the consequences of the ending as pertains to a particular character I am known to adore.( Spoiler free, but possibly insinuated short comment )
I really adore how much I've come to care about Harry Dresden. A friend of mine pointed out to me that one aspect of his characterization meant she couldn't continue the series. But it's that aspect that I liked the most, for how it was acknowledged and how it was often plot relevant as to 'things are gonna get you, Harry Dresden'. No doubt one day Butcher will open his mouth and I'll have a Bujold fan moment, again. But I really liked the psychological threads of Harry's persona and how those threads change his personal tapestry as he matures and puts them in perspective. It's something I can really relate to.
I sincerely hope, in fact, when my brain stops going "Fiction writing time now - Meta on hold" that I can manage that in my own work. Also it's cheering to me immensely to read modern/contemporary (vs 'urban') fantasy fiction where there are fades to black and yet mature handling of sexuality. There have been many premises that have intrigued me over the years, but they were set in Paranormal Romances and heavens help me cause I want to pitch that whole section somewhere, while roaring.
I seem to have hit a nerve talking about food prices and healthy eating. telesilla put it best: as usual, healthy, globally sustainable eating is the privilege of the rich
It sucks too especially when you have all these books telling you that if only you ate better than maybe everything wrong with you would sort itself out. I'm not kicking on those books. One of them just helped me immensely and was recced by my therapist as something to help me look at food differently. To which I seem to be leaning towards food as medicine to change how I relate to it.
But all this reminds me of the experiment some members of congress did last year - they attempted to live for a week on what someone on foodstamps can afford. And by the end of it they realized just exactly why people on lower and limited incomes ARE so tired all the time and ARE so exhausted and beset with health problems. They CAN'T just eat better, because eating better doesn't win out over easing the gnawing sensation in one's gut. If it's fatty processed foods so that they can feel full and do what they have to do, and so their children can feel full and do what they need to do via school - then that's what they'll choose. They can't afford to eat a salad with minimal meat as a whole meal, because they're not eating four and six times a day. They're lucky if they eat solidly ONCE.
Thing is, it was only those three individuals who did this project and only for a week. They got to deal face to face with the fact that senators and congressmen are fed all the bloody time in Washington; a breakfast here, a fancy lunch there, a business dinner there. But it's just the three of them with this awareness, shared via blogging with the public who KNOWS already how hard it is. Makes me wish there could be some kind of law that once you get sworn into congress you HAVE to spend a week once a year living at the basic level and/or being treated in hospital as someone without or with limited insurance.
The whole John McCain has 7 houses doesn't even BEGIN to describe how out of step he is with daily reality. The whole '5 million dollars means you're rich' on the other hand is closer to showing that he and his would have absolutely no idea that the working man and woman, can't just afford to spend $9 a pound on meat so that they're healthier.
I haven't been all that political via the election etc on this journal. But this topic just really hit home for me tonight. It does too matter that the 7 homes are part of a Trust. How many people can afford to pay lawyers to set up a trust? How many black people have enough assets to even pass on to their children?
It may be that for the first time I'm emotionally mature enough to follow the advice given about food to the best of my ability without subconsciously thinking it's all my fault that I can't afford better or I can't walk the walk. Walking the bloody walk costs more than dealing with pesticides and having to use a grocery service that's half ass because the only other place is 30 mins to an hour away - there's another problem that doesn't get enough play on the news and which I think McCaine would fail to understand. He'd probably tell folk to just get in their car and drive.
Eta: The sad update on that week on $21
That the individuals who go on and on about organic produce and soy milk and this is the best possible diet, don't ever seem to have to live on the kind of budget regular folks live on? And I'm probably one rung down from regular folk at my present circumstances.
I found the Community Supported Agriculture site and there's a place that'll drop off 8 units at a Market I can get to via bus routes. But I know myself, what guarantee is there the grab bag of assorted organic produce will be things I'll actually use? I'm finicky in what I eat. I spent far too long in the US mourning Caribbean vegetables no one else seemed to know anything about.
It's an odd thing to realize given that I'll happily eat broccoli and green beans but actually loathe lettuce. But it is the truth. So here I am pondering many, many things not the least of which is the fact that I buy my produce in cans because then it won't go bad if I find myself violently hating tomatoes for a month. But everything I read encourages FRESH FRESH FRESH and ORGANIC! Which would go to horrid waste.
BEWARE PESTICIDES, they scream. As if they can hear me evaluating my budget and the likelihood that canned and frozen would offer me minerals and good things but at a 1/4 the budget. PESTICIDES WITH THEIR EVIL CONTAMINATION.
Beware STARVATION I want to scream back. In this land of plenty, it'd be horridly funny in a macabre sort of way if I died of malnutrition and hunger because I didn't balance my reality with theirs - they, the ones who can afford fresh raw almonds by the pound without blinking, so they can make their own fresh, fresh, FRESH Almond Milk - better than cow!
I've been reading Andrew Weil for the past month or so. My therapist mentioned him as someone I might want to look into. And he has some interesting thoughts on inflammation, alzhimers and fibromyalgia. So bouyed by this I began taking my magnesium tablets again. My mother always buys them for me and I tend to forget to take them.
Part of the surge this time was an indescribable hunger after my last lady times. Nothing made me feel better, not even taking iron. So I took magnesium because I remembered taking them when I had migraines in the past and I thought it'd help me with the headache.
Long story short: I've been sleeping like whoa the last couple of days due to a new combination of supplements and my regular nortriptyline. And I seriously feel as if my body's catching up on all the sleep I usually miss. It's the kind of sleep where I don't hear every little sound at night and I'm not aware of turning over and when I do wake up it's cause the cat's sitting on my chest trying to steal my breath and I need to throw her furry butt out of the room. And then I sleep again solidly for HOURS.
( Stuff mostly only relevant to those on my flist with pain )