By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 11:32AM | Sun, December 18th | 2011
Subject: Gaming Graphics
Security: Public
Mood:sore & achy sore & achy
Tags:games: cinematic interactives, games: general

Am beginning to think I favour cartoon style, non realistic models and backgrounds in video games, along with colour. I find the clips I've seen of Skyrim to be dark and drab, and all the squabble over HD 'realistic' texture packs, kind of flies over my head. Cause those I honestly don't understand the need to have a rock look like a rock. And maybe I find it confusing and depressing, if a rock looks photo-realistic, when in all truth, cgi animation is NOT, still, at a point where human beings look good/real/other than dolls. I find it more realistic, to see stylized universes and stylized characters. And find myself, I guess somewhat maliciously, wondering if it's a lack of imagination and an after effect consequences of the destruction of play (see various studies and observations on the psychology of advertising to children and how that affects the stories they tell - these days mostly stories they mimic).

Other thoughts? Before I had even discovered that SWTOR is pay to play, I was wary because I do not like MMORPGs. I like what they offer for less up to date, tricked out, utilitarian computers. But as I have seen remarked, it does throw one out of the story to see someone running willy nilly across your path, with a name above their head, and one that says 'Abomination 345. The Gamminator'.

I wonder, is there such a thing as story focused/ story driven table top rpgs? It seems unlikely - it'd be an official canon rail then, wouldn't it.

Note: This is me, keeping myself occupied and awake.

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Date: 11:53PM | Sat, November 19th | 2011
Subject: Thought I Want To Explore Later In More Depth
Security: Public
Tags:games: cinematic interactives, thinky thoughts

I think the reason I love video games that have active thriving modding communities, is because for me, modding a game (both creation and utilization) feels like fanfiction. I get the same sense of taking the source and personalizing, making it your own, creating personal canon, fixing things or updating things or enhancing things. And there's so much involved, from accessibility in interface design, and increased font sizes in text, to adding colour (as in PoC) to an environment, or changing up the seasons, adding different bodyshapes for women, switching walking stance for men and women and more.

On one hand, it can feel like it says a lot about the community nad the fans; explaining my utter gutted emotions when confronted by mod after mod after mod of DA/DA2 Isabela, as a fair skinned blonde. What that was saying was awful. And at the same time, going through the modding situations, there were giving her pants, there was recognizing the out of character and extremly gendered non action gestures of Female!Hawke. There was mod that put PoC in Ferleldan. There's making certain costumes less belly baring as much as those who dude nude models and want extended sex scenes.

It was a shock for me to realize that the love scene I took for granted in DA; pillow talk, didn't happen in the original, and was instead done fully clothed, talking upright beside the campfire. I tend to mod from the start - and the first time I saw an unmodifed version of that scene, I suddenly realized how MUCH was brought in by the mod I'd downloaded (originally out of concern of wanting something to match up with my dwarf).

I think I look askance at games that don't feature engines that can offer modding (or easier modding and adaption). Thinking about the worlk arounds needed to play a same gender loving Commander Hawke, trips me out and seem infuriating.

Also sometimes I look at the mods and things seem so basic - like they should have automatically been included. But they weren't. And, unknowlegeable as I am about the gaming industry, as a consumer, I end up wondering if it was some kind of unthinking, inconsiderate, laziness, rush job that things didn't get included.

But yeah, modding - as personalization of the gaming experience and a chance to better tell/express the story in your head.

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Date: 06:54AM | Sun, July 10th | 2011
Subject: Mass Effect Question
Security: Public
Tags:games: cinematic interactives, lil help?, obi-flist-kenobi

Going to bed shortly. In pain. Agitated. Mother and siblings supposed to visit today, briefly. OMFG, I can't even. Anyway. Mass Effect (1). That thing involving the Consort, Spoilers & Personal Upset )

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Date: 05:10PM | Fri, May 6th | 2011
Subject: ...
Security: Public
Tags:#queer issues: q is for queer, #social justice issues, games: cinematic interactives

Really Mass Effect 2? When I do see PoC, they're ALL Mercenaries? That's how brown people do? Run drugs and guns and illegal stuff along with more 'obvious' others who are physically alien? Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?

PS: Note to myself, when looking up information on game be prepared for phrases like "I don't wanna come across as queer or nothing..." and "If there's actual homos* playing this game, they should form a petition!"

Sometimes I forget, I really do, for all of five minutes wanting to immerse myself in a fictional world, of how many people in the world would rather I be dead, silent, dead and silent or would just stop bringing stuff up.

*homos is not a 3 letter starred out word.

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Date: 06:03AM | Wed, May 4th | 2011
Subject: I Always Choose Story Anyway....
Security: Public
Mood:chocolate is mother chocolate is father chocolate is mother chocolate is father
Tags:chocolate distinctions, games: cinematic interactives, games: general

In attempt to relax and calm down, am looking at a LET'S PLAY for Mass Effect 2. Was originally looking at it, because friend was playing early this week and letting me make decisions via online. It was a thing to do, and interesting to get commentary from someone I give quite a b it more than a damn about. The LET'S PLAY style videos is what got me so hyped up last year, I spent, for me, serious money on DAO. Even though I'd been slowly talking myself into waiting for the complete pack with all the downloadable content etc, etc, etc... Now I pout, since I even got frustrated despite enjoying that game and haven't played in months and also never finished.

Mass Effect? ME2 via this LET'S PLAY has taught me the only thing more boring that a video game battle scene, is a scifi futuristic shoot'em up, long distance weapons type battle scene. Just on and on and on. On the one hand, the series I'm watching skips some stuff they consider to take away from the cinematic drama of what they're doing with their LET'S PLAY. So hacking, shopping etc, poof, gone. Whereas for me? 10-20 or MORE minutes of shoot, duck, switch guns, reach for ammo, (I'm guessing here btw, can't make much heads nor tails of the screens and things go pretty fast) shoot shoot, throat punch, repeated phrases and grunts...

Uuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. I like story. I like puzzles. And I can handle some day to day minutia; eating, healing, shopping.... But OMG, really? I think the main thing keeping me from gong back to DAO and would keep me from other games, is that I need to work on my 'But.. but...' As in other people think it's cheating to have a kill everyone so I can bloody move on, command code. I'd reached a place of comfort with what I needed to enjoy a game when dealing with DAO. But now I realize, the money I spent on DAO is GONE. It's not coming back. If I ever want to have fun in that place again, I need to just buck up and do it. And for future - no matter what the buzz, I wait for things to cost 10-15$ bucks. Then they'll be my interactive cinematic media.

ESPECIALLY if I can personalize stuff to have PoC leads. Oh hells yeah. I'd pay 15$ to watch space or fantasy epic saga with PoC front and center.

So, when it comes to pre-scripted cgi gaming - I'm not a gamer. I'm a media consumer. I'm good with that.

**looks at time** Was so tired earlier, forced myself awake. Now UP, no idea how I'll keep going really for therapy. But my sleep schedule is messed. I guess Vit B is my wake-up friend and maybe tonight I'll go to sleep regular. End of this week, landlady stops over. I should... tidy or something. If I can pull myself out of this hole to do it. Also tomorrow? Chocolate. Seriously. And people who get in my way are getting stabbed w/ my keys.

PS: One thing that really disturbs me about ME2? There's all this talk about humanity. And well, Jacob's the only 'brown' person I've seen. And I think one civilian somewhere might have been Asian. But on the whole, it's a bunch of white people determining the course of 'humanity', Really everytime they mention 'humanity' I feel othered. Makes me wonder where the hell Jacob even came from. Other crew, random humans on stations, Miranda, the iMan; white mcwhite bread white. With Miranda having a scifi 'patriarchy' problem and apparently no intersections. If it turns out, however, the coloration was all the player's choice... though as far as I know, ME's engine doesn't allow for customization for random backgrounders and team members etc.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016