By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 07:36PM | Mon, August 8th | 2011
Subject: Life Is Complicated (But! DAO - Another Attempt)
Security: Public
Mood:okay okay
Tags:games: dao

I've new memory but things are just as laggy/slow frame rate as I remember. If the problem really is my video card, I sigh. A lot. A new video card and/or a new computer self are, all willing, all things staying blessed and sane, a ways off. In the meantime, unexpected racial shenanigans. Positively humorous.

My Cousland (forced Origin Mage. It's a long story. Another time. But Chantry Monk FTW!) is brown. His mother and father are brown. Somehow I forgot all about Fergus. So there's white Fergus in a brown family and the reverse of what happened to many who tried for a brown family in Origins pre mods is what's happening to me now. Fergus is so OBVIOUSLY the adopted brother. And older he may be, but he's the 'spare and the brown biological child is kept out of danger.

I shouldn't laugh. But, unexpectedly meaningful. And with Fereldan_Racelift, it means there are brown guards in the castle. So it's just... it is what it is. And I can't decide at all if I want to run around looking for a mor file for Fergus.

Mods inspire ficc-y ideas, much to my surprise. Not sure if I'll write them down. Though if I'm writing it out only for myself, maybe I could.

In other news: I met Ser Gilmore for the first time in game. And I find his official self as insufferable as the NPC Voiced Mod (Where he's an extra companion). I may definitely switch faces on him just to see if it helps any, because sweet haberdashery sugar cup; I just... seriously? This is the char everyone's fallen for? (For values of 'everyone').

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Willow
Date: 05:49PM | Tue, August 2nd | 2011
Subject: DA2. Anders. A Question. (Spoilery?)
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao

The whole Anders + Justice thing, does that happen after Anders becomes a Grey Warden? If so... that's interesting. Especially since what I've seen says nothing about it and only ever focuses on emotion.

Cut )

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Willow
Date: 03:13PM | Tue, August 2nd | 2011
Subject: Ow. My Head
Security: Public
Tags:#sexuality issues: explotative, games: dao

I think I have been in the wrong state of mind to be looking through DAO PC Mods.

There are no, non lore, non specifically male gaze seeking/,male gaze centered, mods for the underthings for female characters. And I'm getting seriously freaked out and just how many ways have been created for female characters to look sexualized, show skin, be in revealing clothing.

Isabela's corset like short shirt/short dress seems the perfect base for making an underslip for female characters. Her DA2 look has been imported via modders to DAO, but a mod use of her outfit for a slip hasn't been created yet. There are also corsets and underwear; but it's usually a lore breaking outfit, with satin gloves and buckles and stockings (satin or netted). Bodoir stuff, not; People need underthings, or options to nude mods.

I've even seen things that look like cloth/leather chest bindings at least for on top. But it's usually paired with other bits and pieces from fetishistic to just plain focused on 'sexy armor'. I can't see any female fighting with darkspawn wanting floss up her butt.

It seems like all the pieces are there to make alternate lore underthings for DAO female characters, but no one's put them the different pieces together yet. Or no one with the skill wants to put them together yet. Some, I suppose optimistic part of me says I should just ask. But right now, the thought of asking any of this modders to do something with a little modesty or just lore concurrent freaks me out.

I remember reading threads when someone asked for a more modest/less revealing Desire Demon outfit and the ire that stirred up. Lots of don't like it - don't play it. Lots of calls for being prudish and repressed and, well, for people claiming sex and nude bodies should be free of shame, they sure as hell were doing a lot of shaming of what was different.

I don't want nude mods. Don't see much point in it - even in sex/love scenes, I just keep thinking; It's Fereldan. It's cold and wet. They're camping outside. Darkspawn could attack the camp at any moment. And, given the times, would they really take everything off?

I end up wondering about nightshirts and people sleeping in their pants, and why the female characters can't have loincloths or shirt-waists or slips. Once upon a time a sexy nightie was neck the knee sheer cloth with frilly lace bits. That seems far more apt that porno superheroine g-string chainmail extravaganza, or worse.

I keep trying to think, maybe I should just breathe and rephrase and do a request and end up shuddering, because the objectification is so very, very apparant. And I feel like there is no way I could ask for what I want, without someone reading in to it somehow that I'm objecting to how they have their fun. And it becoming a thing.

And, I guess, I do object. Not specifically, perhaps, but I object to the culture and mentality that has female characters as objects to be gazed at and lusted over, not archetypes to want to be. And I've found it sad that when someone does do something to equalize matters for male characters somewhat, at least clothing wise as opposed to all the various nude male erect or flaccid or snipped or not snipped; when someone does that and a request is made for something for female characters thre's a whole bunch of 'There's all sorts of sexy half naked thing for women already, let the modder concentrate on things for the male characters'.

Who set up this... competition? Dichonomy. This, something. Friction. Something. Not even sure what the term is, lots of them vs us. Lots of extremes.

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Willow
Date: 04:40PM | Mon, July 25th | 2011
Subject: Rambly Thoughts on DAO vs DA2
Security: Public
Mood:hungry hungry
Tags:games: dao

Cut tag for those who don't give a damn )

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Willow
Date: 10:30AM | Sat, September 4th | 2010
Subject: A Series Of Moments Inspired By My Second Playthrough
Security: Public
Tags:fanfiction, games: dao

Cause not everyone's going to want to read random fictonalizations of the RP in my head while playing DAO )

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Willow
Date: 02:17AM | Mon, August 30th | 2010
Subject: Further DAO Contemplations
Security: Public
Mood:pained pained
Tags:games: dao

Was this first play-through (not finished) a test mode?

.... )

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Willow
Date: 05:07AM | Thu, August 26th | 2010
Subject: YA-DAO-Thought
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao

I keep forgetting to write this thought down, so I'm saving it in a draft now (if things read disjointed, now you know why). I do not GET the 'DARK' in 'DARK FANTASY - DAO'.

Cue The Cut Tag )

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Willow
Date: 10:57PM | Tue, August 24th | 2010
Subject: Forgot To Post This Last Night
Security: Public
Tags:*sigh*, games: dao

... )

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Willow
Date: 04:58PM | Sun, August 22nd | 2010
Subject: DAO, Perspectives On Civilization & History
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, thinky thoughts

About the triggery DAO thing - it's done )

And now other notes Game Lore Spoilery )

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Willow
Date: 11:16PM | Sat, August 21st | 2010
Subject: Ow
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, therapy: omg trauma/flashback

Just scrambled some eggs - and now cannot stand the sight or smell of them. It would definitely pop, break and mutilate the budget to order take-out, but I need to eat and I can't see myself eating the eggs. Oh ugh. And yeah, it's kinda near grocery buying time, but I currently can't even think about it. So more ugh.

And now some DAO (Flemmeth) + Willow's Dysfuncation Life Similarities stuff ... not potentially triggering for violence or blood, possibly triggering in other psychlogical ways. )

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Willow
Date: 09:59PM | Wed, August 18th | 2010
Subject: "What Dragon Age Origins Has Taught Me About Myself & Life"
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, thinky thoughts

There is cut-tag... Blather in 3, 2, 1... )

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Willow
Date: 02:57PM | Fri, August 13th | 2010
Subject: Because I Couldn't Get Baked Mac & Cheese....
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, therapy / therapy day

I spent $10, on an alternative, foody self soothing, meal thingie. But the major part is the 1/2 hr I spent in the grocery store going 'round and 'round the aisles bargaining with myselves. At the end of it, I couldn't even remember why I'd apparently promised myself mac & cheese in the first place. But I definitely needed soothing at that point.

In better news, washed my hair last night! Yay! It only took 30 mins. More yay! I also trimmed it first. But once washed, the weight of it stretching it out while it dried means that basically I remember I trimmed it, but it's difficult to see lengthwise. I'm glad though. The length was getting annoying. And I found myself realizing that the whole point of my dreads is that they reflected a turning point for me. They're an off-shoot of self care. Which means the moment they're no longer making me happy, they're no longer a reminder of self-care, they're a reminder of unpleasant feelings. So, I got over the confusion and mild cultural OMG and trimmed off about 2.5-3 inches and feel much better now. Also, they're CLEAN! Yay!

Therapy is heavy duty and will be for a while - so I'm not quite comfortable talking about that. It involved yet another side-quest down the road entitled 'Mom'. Yeah... *sighs*. But I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my rainy Friday now by looking up DAO mods, and how to use the mod manager(s). And thus there might be babbling posts on things that don't make sense and the whee of modifying.

As I explained to my therapist today - you can't change a book. Once it's written, it's written. Sure you can do fanfiction to CHANGE IT. Or read fanfiction. But the book, remains the book. I'm excited that before I deal with possible fail in this game, I'm going to be able to modify it. How the heck cool is that?!! Very, I think. It's wonderful that I can keep on changing it, but I love the thought of not having to deal with the unrealistic bodies, the overly feminized armor (showing cleavage for Heaven's sake! How impractical is that!), the brooding thuggish looking official brown person, the lack of other brown people, the overly sexualized femme fatale (seriously I am SO happy to have found a modest version of Morrigan's outfit - you don't even KNOW!).

Heh, seems I've started the babbling here. But my point was before I begin to immerse myself in the world, I can make it more comfortable for me - vs with a book where hopefully a review will tell me of the painful, fail filled spots and then I get to decide whether the hurt outweighs the possible gains. I think I'm ok with spending $30 for dialogue and pretty cinematics - knowing I can have free modifications. And uhm, yeah, more money on extra memory (which I need anyway).

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Willow
Date: 12:55PM | Wed, July 28th | 2010
Subject: Yet Even More PrePlay DAO Thoughts
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, therapy / therapy day

So I did investigate some DAO fanfic. And I'm currently pondering it. Obviously I cannot relate to it in the 100% way I might otherwise if I had played the game, far less played it through multiple times. And yet.... I have thoughts.

Hey, the title says; Yet Even More DAO Thoughts )

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Willow
Date: 01:02PM | Sun, July 18th | 2010
Subject: Note To Self
Security: Public
Mood:aggravated aggravated
Tags:#race issues: visual media, games: dao, games: general

No matter how excited I get/got about mods, and the possibility of having a'party' of all brown folk (which I think is why I've been chewing thoughts on DAO lately). Checking out the bioware forums will only hurt me.

Hurt #1 - A Black Sten, titled 'ANOTHER Black Sten'. Wherein the images for the character were called Mugshot Night. Mughshot Day. In His Cage.*

Hurt #2 - Browsing character creation threads, and someone actually did a WoC! Only to have a comment to her say 'OMG! Usually I can't stand PUFFY LIPS but your girl actually looks pretty!'

I think, no matter how I try to change it - I just hate people on principle. And perhaps there's not much wrong with being misanthropic/ having misanthropic views.

[* None of this helps with how I felt when I heard about the Quinari and saw the 'Black Man Tank' in the trailers for the game - no matter how he turned out in the game itself. I suppose it's something that the possibility of an all brown party -still- excites me.]

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Willow
Date: 10:40AM | Sun, July 18th | 2010
Subject: More Wrapping My Brain Around Game (DAO in particular) Concepts
Security: Public
Mood:ignoring hormones - determined ignoring hormones - determined
Tags:games: dao, games: general

I've no idea why my brain's tussling with this stuff now. I hadn't thought of the game in months. But it is, and I'll write out my rambling.

Cut for the potentially boring )

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Willow
Date: 08:09AM | Sat, July 17th | 2010
Subject: Some Rambling / Dragon Age Origins
Security: Public
Mood:thoughtful thoughtful
Tags:games: dao, games: general

So I started one walkthrough not realizing it was never completed and then I tried another and - long story short, I'm trying not to go through all the possible new stuff should I buy the game.

However I do have this little thing that's been nibbling at me. Basically, has anyone else (someone who's looked at walkthroughs or played the game) had the thought that DA:O is a bit like The Lord Of The Rings meets Legends of The Fallen Angels?

Cast out from heaven, banished to earth, running around with burning hearts of vengeance and a desire to do evil. Does this make DA:O's Trolls, the giant offspring of the fallen + man?

Facepalm Realizations )

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Willow
Date: 11:02AM | Fri, July 16th | 2010
Subject: DA:O, Video Gaming & Me
Security: Public
Tags:games: dao, games: general

Dear Fellows (as in my dear friends and acquaintances, not preference for gender),

Those of you who game, can you tell me just why there must be scene after scene of dressed up dungeon crawling? I'm watching a walk-through of Dragon:Age Origins (noble dwarf) and while I do enjoy the story-line and for the most part did not grow bored with - point A to B, with protect people/kill darkpawn. There's a section involving the Fade I find very monotonous.

I'm left thinking it was put in just to kill time/add hours and possible, maybe offer an opportunity to level up. It's the first time in the video walkthrough that I fast fwd through fights. And now I'm skipping whole 10 min sections.

Are all games like this? Corridor after brown corridor with the same grouping of enemies to defeat? And then the fight's over, and you leave the room to go down another corridor and open another door? I mean I thought Yahtzee was at least exaggerating a little for comedic effect!

In the main story-line, at least, it felt like there was a purpose to things; cleaning out and establishing safe zones in particular buildings, in order to get to a goal. Or maybe it was a goal I was invested in, whereas while I know the goal now, I just want it all over with so the story can continue. Yes, I think that's it. This side bit seems to have no relation to the over all story at all. It's doing nothing to invoke my imagination. And omg the horrid horrid brown! This is the world of the spirits?

Hmm, it's almost like the cut scenes in the main story part were little treats I could imagine having to hack and slash towards and without them, it's just a lot of mindlessness.

I wish I knew what it was that would consistently keep my interest. I feel rather as if I'm a non-gamer trying to force myself. While at the same time feeling like there's so much I'd love to explore in the games, if only there weren't long sections of (grinding) nothing.

I do understand, btw that different people have different things that appeal to them. I love the pause aspect as displayed in combat - because it feels as if it's so much more than just mashing a bunch of commands or in my case wanting to scream and give up because my brain doesn't track virtual reality that fast - or rather I keep wanting to be logical, methodical and determined and the game seems to invoke 'swing, slash wildly and hope for the best!'

Oh yes, and the group combat aspect is currently gone. More ugh. So 6 going onto 7 hours into it, DA:O will apparently bore me into no longer caring about the ending. If we add say, 2 hrs per, for the other 5 origin aspects. That's 16-17 hours of enjoyment before I'll want to quit, or slow down considerably for slogging through in hope of more interesting bits later.

Yup. It definitely needs to be cheaper.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016