By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 10:34PM | Sat, July 2nd | 2011
Subject: Google+
Security: Public
Tags:about me, introvert i am, technology

Have an invite; if it's new and shiny, chances are ZviLikesTV will know about it, and I'll get an invite or poke or nudge or something. The thing is though? I'm still an introvert, even online. And right now I can't even read the info properly for Google+ because they mention circles and keep wanting me to add people and it all just seems like a crazy, jangly, extroverted, privacy abridged, constant online chat or something. And as socially repugnant to me as walking into a room of extroverted people who'll want to touch me, and talk in my face and breathe my air and tell me to smile.

No. Just. NO!

I like absolute control of my environment. I like choosing who I'll talk to and when (block or no block). I like the thought of having my virtual front door open - but I have ABSOLUTELY hand picked the neighbours. Or rather to be less Americana; some people live on my street, some people have an invite to my front courtyard, some people have an invite to my back courtyard and a few, very few people get to step foot inside the house.

Plus all the 'PUT YOUR LIFE ONLINE! TOGETHERNESS! SOCIAL NETWORK! WOOT!' Makes me want to punch someone in the mouth. With a boxing glove. Filled with lead. That's on fire! There's this immediate assumption that all such tools must be used by everyone, all the time, at the same time. Isn't the world already too barbed wire fluxing as it is with points of attention jabbing everywhere? I mean, I have to physically restrain myself from leaving the bloody bathroom to answer the phone - just because I can hear it ringing. As if I don't have the right to not want to talk to anyone, or having anyone else's life intrude into mine. OMG it's my phone! (Though, less with the landline and more w/ the cellphone! OMG it's the cell! It must be important! Let me run outside without stopping to wipe my be- WAIT A MINUTE. WTF Brain?!)

As it is, sometimes I can't even handle being online (open door/chat programs) at all. I'm feeling too fragile, or anti-social, or a need to hermit, or socially bruised and/or over-taxed.

So yeah, I'll be over here. In the quiet, slow lane, missing the days when email alone was the best thing ever - because LONG LETTERS and NO POSTAGE (or waiting in line for stamps).

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Date: 09:11PM | Fri, October 30th | 2009
Subject: Kerthump
Security: Public
Tags:introvert i am, lack of spoons, my family, spoon theory


Figured out why I was so drained and depressed last night. My littlest brother's called me every night this week to chat and I could hear the house mess in the background behind him. That added to my dislike of the phone and not really being all that chatty on a daily basis (it's a spoon thing) likely led to low energy, drained feelings and emotions -> la la la depression.

Mentioned this to my mom to ask her to get him to email me. But she pointed out that he doesn't get much attention from his other siblings because they're teenagers and he's not. And despite my 'omfg' of last night concerning his animals, he got up on his own this morning, and fed them all and watered them all and cleaned the bird cage and took his dog out to do his business. And apparently told mom that I had put him on a schedule.

I definitely need to figure out now, how to balance my introvertedness and spoon juggling with positive effects of my presence on littlest brother who's all 'I haz a sister and she luuuuuubs me.'

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016