By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 04:55PM | Thu, July 14th | 2011
Subject: Things What I Did & Seen Today
Security: Public
Mood:exhausted exhausted
Tags:energy level 4.5, exhaustion scale: 8, sleep cycle, therapy / therapy day

1. Someone left their teeth at the bus stop today.

2. Sat down with therapist, realized I have some, uhm, gender things, multiple things, to deal with. Mac Truck of DNW. So High.

3. Local Supermarket which closed? Did re-open under new management. Some new products. Still half empty.

4. Managed to get to bank for money mom owes me (she did not give me monies to cover the stuff I'm currently paying for now).

5. Actually looked up Mozy vs Carbonite before I left house.

6. Wanted to stay up. Want to stay up so bad. Haven't even eaten yet. But feel very, very crashy. (British Time again?)

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Date: 03:32PM | Wed, May 4th | 2011
Subject: --
Security: Public
Tags:sleep cycle, therapy / therapy day

Well... I should seriously invest in a sound harmonizer/sound machine and set it to rain on my bad days. Though do they ever get the irregularity of rain just right? I've had a little program for my computer where it's pretty monotonous, touch of fake. Then again, it's not attempting rain on a tin roof.

And of course now I'm up; I'm in insane amounts of pain.

Rescheduled for tomorrow. Now to get through tonight.

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Date: 08:25PM | Mon, September 6th | 2010
Subject: Note To Self
Security: Public
Mood:indescribable indescribable
Tags:i hate people, note to self, sleep cycle, willow's warren

If I want a good set of sleep, I NEED to use the earplugs, otherwise I spend the entire time I'm sleeping, cringing and curled up against every bit of noise etc from upstairs and wake up NOT refreshed and also extremely sore and tense.

So yeah, another day lost. But I think I have a clue now as to the non pharma reasons behind my sleep schedule problems. Seriously I know now, considering I put the ear plugs in half way through and I feel more rested and relaxed than I have in days. If I was being that hyper-vigilant in my sleep, no wonder I was also staying awake until the sun rose. That's bound to make sleeping LESS alarming than hearing thuds and bumps and noise in my sleep at NIGHT.

I am in no position to move, but DAMN, yeah, this situation is no longer 'long term' for me. As long as that woman with her high heels and clogs and children are making noise about my head, I've got two years to be well enough and save up enough to move. Cause damn.

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Date: 07:53PM | Tue, May 26th | 2009
Subject: If I Had A Shoutgun, The World Wouldn't Be Safe.
Security: Public
Tags:i hate people, sleep cycle, wtf!!

Let me tell you all about the deep sleep I did not get. Why? Because someone's car alarm went off and wouldn't shut up. Loud, constant beeping, over and over again. My bedroom? One small garden away from the road and street parking.

I don't know how long it went on, really, but this was no mere beep beep, chirp chirp and then someone came and turned it off. This was me, trying to go back to sleep and put a pillow over my head, only to wake up a bit later and the beep was STILL going on. This was me trying to continue to sleep because I could hear the rain outside and knew there wasn't much point in me hobbling in the rain to find the car, cause it's not like a swift kick, even if I could manage a swift kick at 2 tons of steel, would stop the damn thing.

Wake up, turn over, pull pillow tighter - repeat.

Woke up just now because some ass was playing -music- loud. After the car alarm that got me pissed enough to get up, pull on a jumper and hobble my ass outside to see wtf was going on. At least this time I knew someone would be at the vehicle in question. But just as I started up the outdoor stairs to the garden (3 steps - I love my place but it is neither cane or wheelchair friendly), the music cut off. I didn't see the car, but I saw the man responsible for the music-noise, going up stairs to his place of abode. I think I might recognize him. I hope I do, cause the next time I'm out and about, should I see him going to or from his car - I really want to go "Excuse me, but wtf is up with your noise pollution?"

Seriously, why is there a generation absolutely determined to go deaf before they hit forty? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say I'm pretty sure the Deaf Community does not want stupid people seeking entrance.

Anyway, there went restful sleep. Goodbye REM. And after only getting five hours previously. 8 hours where only a few of them where me hitting REM, is less good, I think, than five hours with REM (or it's possible equal depending on how long that car alarm was going off).

Well crap to my health.

And yeah, possibly someone's car was broken into - but since they weren't around to realize this fact AND TURN OFF THE DAMN ALARM, my sympathy is limited.

Re: Title - If I had a shotgun the world really wouldn't be safe, but could I wield it liberally (and legally) in people's faces, the world sure as HELL would be quiet.

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Date: 06:57PM | Tue, February 24th | 2009
Subject: Sleep Schedule Still M*cked
Security: Public
Tags:dreams, sleep cycle

My attempt to wake up at 4pm today - totally, totally failed. Probably because I had other interruptions - loud insistent knocking nearby that wasn't at all for me, loud idling car, etc.. So I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. Meanwhile, my cat thinks it's pathetic I can't catnap like she does, thus making me available for pettings, whenever she's awake; serious pettings are happening right now actually.

And in other news - weird ass dream, where my SO was famous or highly unatainable somehow, with screaming fangirls who were sad we were together and who pulled my So's pajamas right off my legs and also tried to pile inside the car when said SO brought it 'round to the front doors of the hotel we were staying at. One of them looking a lot like Whoopi Goldberg, oddly enough and kept doing things that made me want to slap her - repeatedly.

I was so harrassed I still don't know what the SO looks like, or if they were male or female. And briefly in the dream, there were Transformers.


Yeah, I have no idea. Now I'll go see how well my curry's kept and what it'll taste like heated up. I put it on this morning so I'd have dinner when I woke up.

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Date: 05:39PM | Fri, December 12th | 2008
Subject: State of Me
Security: Public
Mood:confused confused
Tags:about me, sleep cycle

I just slept from 11.30pm Thusday night to now. 5:30somethingpm Friday afternoon. Dealing with the rain yesterday wore me out more than I'd thought, apparently. So Sat's my goal for my protest letter. Meanwhile, Maryland? Ice-storm? Huh?

And sorry to the folks I worried. It was completely unintentional.

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Date: 08:00PM | Sat, December 6th | 2008
Subject: Well then
Security: Public
Mood:blank blank
Tags:about me, discomfort scale 6, pain scale 6, sleep cycle

It snowed. When I heard the cars slushing by I'd thought it was raining. But I just peeked out my window and there's stuff sprinkled over the tiny lawn and the tops of cars. I need to pay better attention to my google weather widget. I'd have realized much, much sooner why my discomfort (pain) was so compounded.

As it is I've not got much to say other than being grateful I'm in an apt where Tally and I don't have to cuddle together for warmth. Though this doesn't change the fact that I must do 'teh pettings now!'. Checking twitter I realize why, I've been in my bedroom a while.

I woke up this morning and watched some cartoons etc, but ended up feeling so bad I went back to bed, attempted to read and fell asleep. Then it got cold enough for me to burrow and sleep some more and here I am. It's a little annoying that pain and exhaustion dictate my actions so much. I'd had an alternate plan for Sat.

ETA: ... Sleeping all day may also have been the result of accidentally doubledosing myself on my before bed meds. Welp, still alive at least :)

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Date: 08:55AM | Mon, July 28th | 2008
Subject: *sighs*
Security: Public
Mood:pouty pouty
Tags:about me, note to me, online: support network, sleep cycle, spoon theory


Note to self: When feeling out of sorts, the solution may not be going to cuddle the cat on the bed - unless you WANT to sleep through till morning.


It's possibly progress though. Fell asleep around 10pm and woke up near 8am. So it's getting closer and closer to what I call reasonable hours. It might have been affected by my moving of furniture about.

Note to Fickle: So sorry I passed out, hon. Seriously.

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Date: 10:06AM | Sun, July 27th | 2008
Subject: To Play Or Not To Play - Whether tis...
Security: Public
Mood:nostalgic nostalgic
Tags:about me, online: games, sleep cycle

If I could just adjust my schedule a little bit more so I go to bed say around 1am and wake up around 9am, I could be happy. As it is I'm crashing before 8pm and waking up at 4 and 5 in them morning. 6:30 today.

I'm about to uninstall Wizard101. I kind of don't want to since it looks like the type of game that could be popular and it's got magic and a whole host of other things. But the reality is, by the time it logs on, and I've re-adjusted my settings (every time), I no longer want to play. And when I do play, it's only ever for 15-20 mins at a time - NEVER longer than that. It just can't hold my interest for longer. I filled out a survey for it yesterday (or Friday) and it was described then as a card collection game. Maybe I should have realized that and would have if I followed card collecting games. But I don't. So I had no clue that it was anything particularly different than having to use magic spells represented by symbols.

And I suppose the truth of it is that I want to like it and feel guilty I don't since it is geared towards kids. But I'm now debating whether to wait for the international server of Perfect World or not, and looking/hoping I get a reply to recover my account, because PW does more for me than anything else. I can happily do a round of killing things, hunting for things in PW and play for an hour. An hour a day vs the 20 mins every couple of days with Wizard 101.

It's just so odd how reluctant I am to uninstall - I think because I haven't had a game I enjoyed / could go relax in for so long. It makes it harder to face the fact that this one is NOT the one.

[info]fickle pointed me a Ikariam, Zeta Server (for the US) but it looks like a civilization game; a type I love. But when civilization games involve other people, there is so often war and raids and navel battled and conquest. I'm not sure if I would enjoy it. I got fed up with the hippos and crocodiles eating people in Pharoah. And I loathed the invations - I never quite got over my first one; there I was building a civilization and the next minute this boat arrives, I've no control over it and little people come running out to burn and loot and pillage.

That said I did oddly enough enjoy Settlers: Rise of an Empire, even with the raiding. But that game's just too expensive right now, or I'd buy it. I don't know why I enjoyed it so much, maybe it was the possibility of a range of cultures, or that it seemed part of a narrative to accomplish the quests, or the fact that if one has the full game (vs just the demo) you can be a female knight making her way up to Baroness and more.

Huh, it doesn't seem to be greatly loved on Amazon. Hmm, 14$ including shipping from an Amazon Merchant. Ok, now I seriously need to think about this. It's a pity Guild Wars doesn't come close on the price - even used it's expensive (cause people jack up the S&H to 7$) and near the same as new. I've been told if I liked the beauty of PW, I'd enjoy GW plus it has narrative.

Random Thought: Remember in my last post I discussed just liking knowing that others were playing the same game and we were moving around the same server and occasionally interacting? Well part of the reason it makes no sense to me to 'want more' out of things is that games with plot points and plot goals usually involve a protagonist being 'The Long Awaited One' or 'Only You Can Save The World'. Except it's not only you, there's a bunch of others running around and often-times one of them is only too eager to stick a sword in your belly and steal your loot. So how immersed can you really be in a game that's not playing up for laughs that there's a group of seers somewhere all giving out random names and enjoying some sort of kickback?

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016