By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 04:57PM | Fri, January 1st | 2010
Subject: Old Year's Night / New Year's Day
Security: Public
Mood:tired, hungry tired, hungry
Tags:about me, the world: 2009, the world: 2010, the year: 2009, the year: 2010

2009
I don't like Glee. I don't want to hear about your squee, because I'm busy wincing at the ablism, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and other incidental careless moments of socio-political pain causing.

I've pretty much given up reading fannish fic and it's time I owned up to that. Reccs will just pile up unlooked at, because I'm tired of having to take a metaphysical drink before reading in case I see the rotten underskirt of someone else's psyche.

Or something not rotten but private and poking at sore places for me.

And if you publish professional fic and I really like it - I'll still read, but I'll borrow from the library and wait patiently for you to die, in hopes the next generation is a little less selfishly navel gazing and self prioritizing.

If it doesn't make me happy - Chuck It To Effing Hell.

That includes tv and movies and more.

There are some people who just aren't worth fart.


2010
Last night I made a first step in putting my joys and comforts first, in terms of whom I socialize with, whom I let near, whom I comfort and let comfort me, how adorable I want to seem, how much of myself I reveal - if I want to, when I want to.

My online front door opens onto a village of individuals whose lives I care about, want to know more about, from stubbed toes, to business triumphs, career moments and parental freak outs and more. And only from that select group of individuals will my eyes merely glaze over if their squee is something irksome to me, because their joy is joysome to me.

Honesty offers less chances of miscommunication and fumbling.

There are opportunities for me within the thing I love dearly (almost most) in the world. I should seize them. Seize them even if the stars are not aligned right, even if butterflies kaleidoscope in my stomach, even of my chest squeezes and I can barely breathe.

My carryover fandom is Activism.

PS: Partaking of [info]medea_complex continuing to be awesome.

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Willow
Date: 11:14AM | Thu, December 31st | 2009
Subject: What The Hell World?
Security: Public
Tags:discomfort scale 5.5, health: physical, the world: 2009, the year: 2009, wth?

It snowed.

Again.

I'm grateful I don't have to shovel it. But my plans to pick up my prescription is now up in the air (far less OYN plans), because I've no idea what the streets (and thus what the buses) are like. I was so happy when I got home and saw all the snow had melted *sigh*.

Baltimore City's Snow Page says there's no current Snow Event (or maybe that was Storm Event) - so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

Meanwhile my throat & tonsils are suddenly aching. Urgh.

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Willow
Date: 05:18PM | Mon, December 14th | 2009
Subject: America The What?
Security: Public
Mood:pissed off pissed off
Tags:i hate people, i will cut somebody, the world: 2009

Lamya Cammon.

Another black child, another set of foolishness. Teacher cut her braid off, cause teacher was annoyed girl was playing with her hair in class. 7 year old child. Teacher? Gets $175 fine. DA refuses to go forward with charges.

School board says: Teacher was upset because of budget cuts.

I am -done- with the American Public School System.

D. O. N. E.

It's not just this, it's autistic children being voted out of class, and other children with neurlogical disorders being suffocated to death by teachers attempting to get them to 'behave'. It's calling traditional African hairstyles - distractions. It's calling traditional First Nations hairstyles - distractions. It's -fining- families ridiculous amounts of money because their kids are 5 minutes late.

D. O. N. E.

And that's without dealing with Texas.

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Willow
Date: 07:14PM | Sun, October 18th | 2009
Subject: I Don't Get The World
Security: Public
Tags:the world: 2009, wtf!, wth?

Hybrid Cars May Add Car Tones.

As someone who finds most vehicles far too loud, the thought of silent/quiet cars enthuses me. And now I learn that people think that's a problem. And rather than spurring new auto-safety protocols, movies, ads, promotion etc, they're going to add car sounds on the quiet cars.

So apparently the hearing community can't learn anything from the deaf community about how to relate to traffic. They need fake engine sounds. And there's even talk about personalized car tones, like ring tones.

Another - for the sake of the general population - idea that makes me feel more and more alien in my rejection of it.

--
Fines for 'disorderly conduct in school'. Fines? Tickets? First people get tickets for being 5 minutes tardy on the way to school in California to the point where parents keep their kids home if there's any possibility they'll be late. And now tickets in school? This is how counties/states are handling the recession or what? Is this just a Texas thing?

How out of it am I since I'm avoiding a lot of the news? What the heck else is going on out there in American-land?

--
Damnit. Everytime I try to peek out at the world, all I see is crap spiraling down a blackhole. I don't want to be uninformed about my environment but it is bloody depressing. Even the uplifting stuff is depressing, because it's usually about how one individual has managed to overcome some tentacle of the crap monster.

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Willow
Date: 06:34AM | Wed, September 16th | 2009
Subject: Barrage Of Marketing. Whoa. And Other Thoughts.
Security: Public
Mood:indescribable indescribable
Tags:the world: 2009, thinky thoughts

Socimages has an entry with a series about "The Commercialization of Childhood (direct youtube vids here). I'm watching it now. Yeah, even my mother tells me I should lay off the 'heavy' stuff because I can only influence my personal sphere and yet this is what I find relaxing to watch. No I don't know what's wrong with my brain.

However, I'm watching about how the tv shows I grew up with came into being as part of deregulation and the removal from the FTC of the ability to regulate the children's market/control marketing to children and I'm wondering about myself, my childhood, general American childhood and a few other things. For example, as an adult I am, and I think as a teen at least I was, aware that tv shows were associated with products. I'm pretty certain I was at least peripherally aware of this fact as a teenager. But as a child, outside of desperately wanting a Barbie, I can't really think of any toys I ever really wanted.

I wanted books and music - but mostly books. I adored media especially cartoons. I'm pretty sure I liked the cartoons for themselves as a story telling medium (I say this based on the love I still have with animations). But possibly it's because I didn't have any access in the Caribbean to the toys, things didn't affect me in the same way. Maybe I understood even then that those toys were expensive and came from the States and would require someone going and finding room to bring back stuff. And begging for stuff perhaps seemed selfish given my home training.

Oh. I did want a bicycle. A beautiful purple bicycle; purple sparkly bicycle, hopefully with something cool on it. Though I can't think of what I'd have thought cool, since what I got was a pink bicycle that I cried about for one hour, mostly because it didn't even have 'real brakes', but then I got over myself, because a bike was expensive and my Mom had actually spent the money to get it shipped from the States.

I think the things I wanted most as a child were perfumes - french perfumes - possibly because my mother adored perfumes and my biggest thrill was when she got a set for herself and a matching set for me. That was my little girl wants to be like her mommy moment.

But I'm wondering now about living in America where there would have been ads for toys alongside the cartoons I came to adore and promotions for stuff seen in supermarkets and the toys in stores themselves. I'm wondering at the combination of home training and commercial bombardment and culture. I don't think it's just children, of any colour, who didn't have class privilege who adapted to the concept of toys as expensive and knew better than to attempt to nag parents. I think there must be some function of cultural overtones of respect for elders, especially one's parents. But I'm not sure.

If anyone wants to drop a thought, I'd be very grateful.

Along with that, my experience with items associated with programs somehow, in my memory right now at least, is associated most strongly with Sesame Street. I remember sighing a lot when Sesame Street started selling toys - to get money to continue the Children's Television Workshop my mother said. And I reasoned, well if they're no longer getting grants, then yes, it's better to sell toys. But I remembered when getting something branded by Sesame Street was a big deal and only came up available around pledge time. And it wasn't something every other kid was going to have cause they could get it from a store.

This is getting long so -CUT TAG )

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Willow
Date: 01:27PM | Mon, September 7th | 2009
Subject: Using Handicap Stall = More Polite Than Nudity & Other WTF Tales
Security: Public
Tags:activism is concious living, the world: 2009, wtf!

1. Self conscious white woman goes wtf that people use a lockerroom for intended purpose. It's just too precious (/snark ). And I think I may seriously agree with this comment.

2. Caught up on Sarah Haskins 'Target Women'. So... there's apparently Milk commercials out there from California Dairy folk that are fairytales about how princesses' need milk to get married. A medusa princess tamed by milk. A PMS princess sobbing the kingdom into floods until milk prince arrives. Yeah, catching up on 'Target Women' is fun and all. But damn if I don't feel blessed to be avoiding tv commercial land.

3. And I didn't mention it the first time I saw it, but that 'Mow The Lawn' razor commercial, wherein the black woman with beautiful fluffy natural (looking pressed or blowdried) hair, needs an automatic hedge trimmer for her 'bush' to 'Mow that sucker down'. Because Asian women have tiny 'gardens' and white women only need a pair of house scissors but black women?

4. Discovered last night that Unilever owns Dove (of Beauty Evolution fame) as well as Axe (of cologne makes women savage or pervy for a man fame). I really liked the Dove commercials - Evolution and another I saw about beauty that had varied women of all sizes, ethnicities and ages. I didn't think further of it aside from liking that aspect and wondering what prompted it, because I'm allergic to Dove soap and products. So the commercials couldn't really 'sell' me something.

It's not exactly crushing to find out that what prompted them was customer management and 'self esteem branding' for more sales. But it does put them in the same category as recent 'Green' Cleaning products for me. I don't get excited when I see them, just bitchy that there had to be a 'trend' before being less callous to the environment and human bodies/chemical sensitivities could come into play.

The big wake up call for me though, was someone pointing how how neatly the Dove commercials pass the buck. Parents talk to your daughters before the beauty industry does compared to 'Keep your Child Smoke Free' because both require the onus to all be on parents and not the industries themselves who remain free to continue down the same lines because 'Parents need to do something' - not them. They don't need to change the way they hawk wares.

Triple wake-up call? Someone else pointing out that the most prominent dove ad to do with beauty diversity actually isn't all that diverse. They're all just one to two steps heavier than the current beauty ideal and beauty apparently still involves half dressed women posing for the male gaze while giggling, laughing and feeling each other up.

It's like my subconscious cynicism just got the motherload of booster shots.

5. And then came the Monsanto-similar lollipop.

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Willow
Date: 08:34AM | Sat, August 29th | 2009
Subject: They Are Cancelling Reading Rainbow
Security: Public
Tags:the world: 2009, the year: 2009, wtf!


The show's run is ending, Grant explains, because no one — not the station, not PBS, not the Corporation for Public Broadcasting — will put up the several hundred thousand dollars needed to renew the show's broadcast rights.

Grant says the funding crunch is partially to blame, but the decision to end Reading Rainbow can also be traced to a shift in the philosophy of educational television programming. The change started with the Department of Education under the Bush administration, he explains, which wanted to see a much heavier focus on the basic tools of reading — like phonics and spelling.


I. am. done. with. the. world.

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Willow
Date: 12:36PM | Thu, August 20th | 2009
Subject: Because The Freedom To Call POTUS A Nazi Has Everything To Do With Being Oppressed.
Security: Public
Tags:racethulu cometh, the world: 2009, wtf!!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means by Upstart-crow@livejournal.


My thoughts:

You know the other thing that's been pissing me off in particular? The obviousness that the only oppressive regime these people appear to know a damn thing about, is the Third Reich.

They don't know about Chile. They don't know about Ecuador. They've apparently forgotten all about Iran since Michael Jackson died.

But Nazis. They know about Nazis, hell yeah. And not one of the simpletons takes the time to consider just why it is they have that analogy come to mind so freely. That it was so bad, and did so much damage that it's being inscribed in popular consciousness in the hope that it is never, ever, repeated because it can and should never be forgotten.

Privileged, sheltered, too special for reality - wankers!

Also? Calling a black identified biracial man, the same as fricking HITLER takes a special kind of stupid and shows their true purpose and irrational fear.

________

2009. The Racethulu of White American fears makes itself known.

And a point I just realized I didn't make too clearly. They know about Nazism, they 'claim' and yet they dilute the term and disrespect the dead like this without a blinking fricking pause.

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Willow
Date: 09:31PM | Fri, August 7th | 2009
Subject: Parsing News & Information
Security: Public
Tags:personal is political, the world: 2009, wtf!

I'm currently reading up and watching clips to do with the mortgage crisis / real estate bubble. I'm not sure how I ended up spending time on this, but I am. And it breaks me down into tears, because I only had myself to rely on when I kept telling my mother things didn't sound right and I was scared of what could happen in the future, that I felt I needed to be more stable before purchasing a home.

What's hitting me the hardest is the realization that it's all not over. What hit me first was realizing that there's a reason for brand new houses and renovated houses into apartments, in my neighbourhood/on my street, standing empty. There's a reason they still have the auction signs on them from months ago and no one's bought them. What's hitting me now is realizing that two years ago when I was talking to Zvi's father about it, that was just the beginning. That there's still five to possibly ten more years of people's adjustable rate mortgages reaching the point where they can no longer pay, because the new monthly amount will be far too high. And that's not counting more and more people being laid off and unable to pay even the price they'd measured out as being reasonable for a few more years yet.

Watching a clip of 'Trash Outs' where folks come in to clean the house out in four to five hours so it's sell ready again and there's nothing left behind and seeing how much is left behind; electronics, clothes, photographs, furniture. And hearing the clean out people say they suspect by the time people have to leave what had been their dream home (or close enough to it) that they're too depressed and too broke to take their belongings a majority of the time. They can't afford the truck, or they have no space in their new place, or they're crashing at relatives and can't bring much of anything, or, I'd guess, it makes no sense for them to now have to pay rent AND storage facility fees.

I don't believe most people have had the experience in their lives of needing to be able to live out of a duffle bag - if it can't fit in there, then it's not important. This must be unbelievably difficult for them.

And yet, I'm still having the shocked, possibly selfish reaction of - omg where did I find the strength to defy my mother? I'm so glad I found the strength to defy my mother. I'm glad I have the strength to still defy her. That I still think the house prices are still ridiculous.

Because reading about what's happening to FHA loans....

And just...where I am isn't California (and omg Califnornia wtf - it's totally crazy sounding over there).

But strength. Mother. Defiance. That's dominating my thoughts right now. That mixed with a bunch of marveling - at bail outs, at banks still dancing merrily all unregulated and happy to go for the quick dangerous buck again, at people actually refusing universal health care...

Right now it all makes me want a glass of milk and a warm blueberry muffin and a blanky.

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Willow
Date: 11:54AM | Sat, August 1st | 2009
Subject: My Flist In Califnornia
Security: Public
Tags:the world: 2009, wtf!

I am sincerely sorry your state is so incredibly fucked up. So very, very badly, incredibly fucked up.

I have no idea what to wish you or pray for. Suggestions appreciated.

Hugs offered.




ETA: My mother used to talk about a 'mentality of scarcity' and how that mindset stopped an individual from seeing opportunities that could result in plenty or from thinking in terms of plenty. She spoke a lot about how they'd end up holding on to everything they had, good and bad, so someone else wouldn't get 'what's theirs' because there was never enough. That comes to mind when I read people talking about 'illegals lazing around on our taxes and all those lazy brown people having baby and paying for cable tv'. It's like they see the rich having plenty and so they grab on to their little bit because 'there's not enough to go around' but instead of blaming the fact that a very small percentage is hogging, they begrudge crumbs for the mice. It's like they recognize trickle down ecomonics don't work, but they're so busy holding their hands for their trickle and elbow gouging anyone trying to also get a trickle, they can't stop to think about WHY it's ONLY A TRICKLE and who's holding the whole larger bit.

Racism. Dividing and conquering for over 500 years.

Tim Wise has mentioned this. But I never thought about it before in terms of UNITY principles.

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Willow
Date: 04:25AM | Mon, July 27th | 2009
Subject: Unintentionally Viewing = Depression & Weeping For Humanity
Security: Public
Tags:activism: protest, the world: 2009, wtf!

...

There is nothing like looking at documentaries and newsreports and hearing: Bisphenol A, plastics, endocrine disruptors, diabetes, obesity, hyperactivity and insufficient studies on possibility of affects to human bodies. Followed by; 11 year delay on previously demanded screening. And then looking at myself and at people I know and thinking of all our symptoms.

Combined with: Monsanto, genetically modified crops, insufficient studies, cross pollination of former employees now in government/regulatory positions (including Clarence Thomas), pollination accidental or not with GMC pollen leading to demand for royalties because of patent, and Europe and Canda banning things the US hasn't.

Where are all the people claiming Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve to shout 'Man Cannot Play Deity With The DNA of Plants' or 'You Can't Patent Food'? They're busy I'd guess.

*stares at info all mind blown*

Yeah I stopped watching news on tv. But according to some stuff I've seen that wouldn't have mattered, considering Fox News pulled investigative reports, fired the reporters who wouldn't lie to soothe lawyers and big business and then won during their day in court when sued. I also don't live in Minnesota - so no Minnesota Newspaper Expose - or Japan or Germany.

... Since I'm too broken to go live on a farm out in the middle of nowhere and grow my own food (and that wouldn't help me against transgenic pollination mutating my food since pollen flies on the wind (as do weed killer when misted/sprayed) I'm gonna wait till I'm feeling stronger before researching what an average city dweller can try to do.

But more words I learned today?

* food disparagement laws (and it ain't all Oprah and beef)

* rBGH / Posilac

* principle of substantial equivalence

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Willow
Date: 01:08AM | Fri, July 24th | 2009
Subject: Apparently I Have Thoughts On Healthcare
Security: Public
Tags:health: physical, question everything, the world: 2009

Le Thoughts )

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Willow
Date: 08:31PM | Thu, May 21st | 2009
Subject: Disabled Children - Horrifying Treatment
Security: Public
Mood:pissed off
Tags:#disability issues, the world: 2009, wtf!

WTF People?!!! These are CHILDREN!



[Anna? Just scroll past, please. Fickle don't even look. Closed eyes scroll.]

C/P behind Cut )

>___<


Restraint:Technique can dispirit and hurt special-ed students
2nd Linked article (c/p-ed here):

Read more... )
>______<


When the autistic little boy got voted out of his classroom, as part of something his own teacher had set up - I thought that a one off of one woman's cruelty and lack of training. Apparently being dumb as bricks towards disabled children is the effing norm?!! These are children! Small, fragile! Precious you FUCKWITS!

I can't believe there needs to be a congressional hearing to determine that nation wide, a 200plus pound teacher should not be weight restraining a 40-60pound child. Or using hand made restraints.

Why is this country moving BACKWARDS? Why?

ETA: "Do we need anti-torture legislation for our schools?"

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Willow
Date: 01:12AM | Tue, May 5th | 2009
Subject: Semi Random
Security: Public
Tags:about me, the world: 2009, usa + iceberg = sink!tp

The more I come across links to information about the US Torture Regime - the more I feel like a purple heart veteran of my own childhood. I kind of want to roll my eyes at everyone who a) claims what was done wasn't torture, who b) would claim that my childhood isn't abuse and who c) would claim that 'shape up or ship out' teen boot camps aren't creating a generation/nation of extremely desensitized individuals.

I'm betting those who'v been disappeared (long term, or short term) by the US government and other childhood survivors of 'Operation: Make You Kill Yourself Before You Reach 21' , would agree with me in wanting to see those who say 'But it wasn't all bad/ wasn't real torture' make it through just one week of our childhoods.

A week.

Seven days.

Where you know it's going to end.

Meanwhile I'm kind of laughing (likely in a hysterical way) at the ; sleep deprivation, food deprivation and stress positions. I'm really laughing at the stress positions. And I'm practically peeing myself laughing at the phrases "total control of the environment".

I... am quite possibly not too sane due to my childhood. But it's rare that it's all good for a laugh.


"It's not torture!"

Right, tell me another one. Just wait until I get a fresh pair of depends.


[link]

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Willow
Date: 02:38AM | Thu, April 23rd | 2009
Subject: I AM THE UNIVERSE. THE UNIVERSE IS ME
Security: Public
Tags:oh my g-d!, the world: 2009, whee!

In space.... there is only the smell of... Raspberries and rum.

Taste the Willow sensation..

*CRACKS THE HECK UP*

Y'all....

Y'all. Y'all. No seriously, y'all. Wunna. *cracks up some more* You know why I'm laughing, right? Right? Zvi knows. I KNOW Zvi knows. Ask Zvi.

*snortles*

Thank you, thank you, thank you, [info]yeloson for the head's up.

I need to taste the universe sometime this year. Seriously.

Also? My icon is so much deeper now.

Hee!

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Willow
Date: 11:20PM | Mon, April 6th | 2009
Subject: PSA
Security: Public
Tags:the world: 2009, wtf!!

This is a link to Karnythia's journal on LJ, with an embedded clip of a pretty but stupid man talking about how it's ok for sex to hurt the vagina. This man must not be allowed to breed.

And yes, I fully think making sure women can recognize him on sitesight and go 'Oh hellz no - nuh uh. Goodbye' is a PSA.

Just look at his face even. I couldn't make it past his 'Sex isn't supposed to be enjoyable for women the female'

Seriously, people like him make me glad I'm both a lesbian and currently celibate. Cause who wants to discover that when clothes start coming off. There are women currently in jail cause they found that in bed with them.

*shudders*

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Willow
Date: 01:17PM | Mon, April 6th | 2009
Subject: Why am I paying for a landline?
Security: Public
Tags:the world: 2009, thinky thoughts

That question is actually facetious, because I know full well I want a landline for emergencies. The recent power-outage left me with a phone my landlady and I could communicate via. But I'm beginning to wish they had basic 20$ service. I don't use my cellphone that much, but I think it's very important and I don't use the landline that much, but I'm paying some change on it for local and long distance. Maybe I need more friends in Canada? I've no idea.

I suppose I could research the various programs that have people pay money for a homeline + cellphone combined. I've no idea if those even work and how many fees etc get tacked on.

My phonebill isn't really onerous. I just forgot to pay it for March. And more than occasionally I look at the cost and consider my relationship with using phones and I just - wonder "Why am I paying this money?" My cellphone accumulates minutes and I carry it with me when I'm out and about and I can use it to make international phonecalls (when it behaves).

Yeah. I think I'm just missing basic-basic phone service. Dialtone and cents per call.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016