By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Willow
Date: 10:54PM | Wed, July 25th | 2012
Subject: The Housefly Massacre
Security: Public
Tags:my house has rules, willow's warren

The sniping had been bad enough; suddenly out of nowhere, fly after fly after fly down; the rest zig-zagging, or in frantic loop de loops, running laps to evade. Team after team gone, but needed to try and infiltrate. But then came the ultimate, the awful; the strip. Good, decent flies left trapped and helpless, screaming and buzzing, never to escape again. An example. The area was no longer just a hot zone. It was a signal, a personal horror. And worse, the snipers seemed to be herding them all towards the danger line. They should never have come to this house.

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Willow
Date: 06:19PM | Wed, July 25th | 2012
Subject: I Officially No Longer Have Cable
Security: Public
Mood:--
Tags:willow's warren

But I also am likely to have new upstairs neighbours within 3 months. So, that is something of a plus. Meanwhile I'm trying to figure out how to connect the tv converter box. I've decided I need to eat food first before I mess with it more - figure out the tv in / tv out bits so I can get regular channels.

Meanwhile, how's Netflix online viewing for watching random stuff when one feels like it? I just cancelled my Netflix subscription (vs having it on hold for almost a year and change) and when not active, one can't really see much of ANYTHING in terms of selection and what's available online. And apparently there's a HULU+ ? I don't think I watch tv often enough for that. But the landlady doesn't think it's fair I don't get to watch some movies and would like to see about paying for my subscription - seriously when I say these current upstairs neighbours messed everything up when they pissed her off? I seriously mean it.

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Willow
Date: 03:44PM | Wed, June 13th | 2012
Subject: Annnd the final inspection is done
Security: Public
Mood:hungry hungry
Tags:willow's warren

So now I continue to rest, eat, and destress. Side note? Woke up this morning and there was considerably less cat hair all over the carpet. Leading me to wonder if MY heightened stress levels, led to the cat having heightened stress levels and pulling out her fur. Anyway, my brain on vacation until at least Friday.

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Willow
Date: 12:26PM | Tue, June 12th | 2012
Subject: Ding Dong The Bitch Is Gone!
Security: Public
Mood:relieved relieved
Tags:willow's warren

The Wicked Bitch Is Gone! Freedom, The Bitch Is Gone. The Nasty Bitch Is Gone!

Don't have to deal with her for a whole other year. And even though I didn't get some of the things I wanted to get when I left the house this morning, just KNOWING, it's OVER. Her judging, scrounge up face, ready to fine people for being poor, sick, weak and more, with her sniffing and checking the dishes in the sink, and peering in the toliet, and trailing her fingers for dust like some nasty bad movie monster-in-law, even though all she has to do is verify the apt for the city.... HER BITCHNASTINESS IS GONE.

I just, I left the house with twenty minutes for when she was to show up, cause I just wasn't gonna deal even a little bit. All my energy now, is for trying to get to my brother's graduation and dealing with my mother when I get there. And there was a moment there I thought the landlady had forgot, and wasn't coming and this black hole of pain, crying filled despair started to swallow me, and anger pulled me out and I was about to tell my very sweet landlady - well, reschedule cause I'm damn well not staying in the house!

Buuuuuut

OH YES THE BITCH IS GONE! THE EVIL BITCH IS GONE! GONE! GONE! BACK TO HER CAVE! THE WICKED BITCH IS GONE! EACH YEAR I HOPE SHE DIES! I HOPE THE BITCH JUST DIES! THIS YEAR I HOPE THE SAME! BUT NOW I JUST DON'T CARE! CAUSE THE WICKED BITCH IS GONE!

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Willow
Date: 08:22PM | Thu, January 19th | 2012
Subject: Well Then
Security: Public
Mood:cynical cynical
Tags:uh huh tell me more, willow's warren

Remember how I wrote a statement for the upstairs neighbour last Friday? Well, I spoke to the landlady today and found out neighbour went to her, complaining about how I didn't call the cops, and how could I have just let what happened go on. Landlady had my back and until today, I didn't even know it. Landlady apparently told her straight up, that given that I dont' even have permission to call upstairs and have been asked plainly to stay out of upstair's neigubhour's business, upstairs' neighbour reapt what she sowed, because I did stay out of her business, and didn't expose myself to her potentially getting on my case for assuming things about her circumstances and calling the police.

I admit the thought of what she would say crossed my mind for a half second, but safety was my major concern; my own safety, hers, her children's.

But while I thought we were being civil, it's good to know the truth. To know that I was being accused of some stuff and that my landlady trusts me enough to know me, and have my back.

I don't regret writing the letter/statement. But, well, knowing how things stand in reality, how that woman upstairs STILL thinks of me, that is good to know. Good indeed.

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Willow
Date: 06:46PM | Sat, December 17th | 2011
Subject: Not So Holy Day
Security: Public
Mood:frustrated & upset frustrated & upset
Tags:about family, fail fail everywhere, things that suck, willow's warren

At 3:50am this morning, I heard a man shouting upstairs. TL:DR decided not to call the police, after checking it wasn't already the police - because domestic squabbles can be messy and I was afraid for the children. But I did stay up, listening, in case things changed and I had to. Turns out I wasn't hearing everything as much as I thought through the vents. And things were so bad, the upstair's neighbour's young teenage son ran away from home. She was frantic looking for him near 10:30am today. I'm praying and hoping they found him, or he got his arse back home. The neighbour says if I ever hear her raising her voice, call for help. I honestly... I did honestly worry things would get worse. I'm not sure she'll understand that fact. But....

And my brother just called me, to say my stepfather is playing the fool about getting the dog to the vet; and it's had rat poison. I had decided to wait until Christmas, to see if the Dog's Christmas present would be a doghouse so the dog would be safe from authorities worried about. I never stopped to consider that the news he told me, was news that could stir a vengeful neighbour to possibly throw rat poison over the fence. The first dog my siblings ever had? It died, from a neighbour throwing rat poison over the fence (different neighbour, different house). But still.

I cannot believe my stepfather is running around trying to get activated charcoal and NOT also calling a vet. My brother looked up on his phone that things were more complicated than getting the dog to throw up, or getting the poison absorbed. They are, it's about vitamin K and internal bleeding and it's XMAS. Just go to the vet and spend the damn money. How you gonna let the children's dog die for stinginess on XMAS? As if they give a damn about presents, if their pet dies.

For myself, yesterday I bought something from Walgreen's, then forgot it there. I called. They were to hold it for me to get there today. Hopefully it's still being held and I can pick it up tomorrow. Cause I ended up crashing so damn heard at noon. I also did early morning cooking to keep me busy while I was waiting out the noise upstairs and thus was physically exhausted too.

It's absolutely self indulgent and selfish - but when I think of the trouble i went to this month, to get gifts, specific type gifts, for all my siblings AND my mother - cause this year has been so stressful for them.... The gifts I got? Cannot, CANNOT alleviate the OMGWTFPAINSORROW of losing yet another pet, in a similar manner due to my stepfather's selfishness.

I can't get my mom on the phone. And I begin to think the situation is more complicated than even my brother knows. Cause I called my sister, thinking my mother might be with her, and it seems likely my sister is at the mall, keeping my littlest brother occupied while all this is going on. I can't even.

Cannot. even.

And please, this is not a case of my being blithe about what finances and resources my family has. I know there are emergency funds, an emergency credit card and practically? For the sake of the kids? Their paternal grandmother would pay the damn vet bill, if it came to that. Heck, I would contribute what little funds I have - cause it's family.

I can't even. Really can't even. And I'm just... I am now more glad I won't be there. Because I could not handle, once again, being a living present, to make up for the shit going on in that house. It's exhausting.

....

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Willow
Date: 02:30PM | Fri, October 7th | 2011
Subject: Friday Continues (And Other Thoughts)
Security: Public
Mood:cranky cranky
Tags:therapy: thoughts, willow's warren

Low pain threshold, high pain tolerance (or endurance if you like). And I'm beginning to think there's something similar with me and stress/anxiety. I have an incredibly low threshold. It wipes me out. About an hour after the thing is over, I crash. And if it's extended then I can't relax and stay gittery for hours as it continues and THEN CRASH - for hours. Though I'm not sure if that means I've got high anxiety/stress endurance, because in this case I don't think tolerance or endurance has anything to do with it. Or at least, I mean, it's not consistent in the same way pain is at all. It depends on too many factors and the one constant is exhaustion after the fact.

I'm wiped just from this morning. Thought I'd been calming down but only truly calmed after my landlady called me back and told me it was okay; the neighbourhood has a history of people being malicious theives about stuff like bins and front yard flowrers. She'd mentioned it before, the flowers at least, but I'd completely forgotten. And knowing she's not holding me responsible for the bins, or thinking I'm being careless or lax ... instant relief exhaustion.

All my plans for the day? Gone. Finished. Up in smoke. Up in exhaustion. I burned through the energy needed for them, in order to think clearly about the bin situation, go walking to find it (without my cane, because I was hoping, originally, that it was just a mistake, then the longer I walked, the more I realized it wasn't), calling my landlady, keeping track of the remaining bins all morning, dealing with the fact someone emptied our trash - probably to rummage through it for copper and other metals to sell and who knows what else, leaving a msg for my therapist about what had happened etc.

I'm worn out now.

Usually when I feel this way; for the past month and change when similar things have happened I've walked away feeling irrecoverably broken. Brought it up with my therapist last time we spoke on the phone - and he put a different perspective on it. I'd try to explain it but I think I'd lose it. I'm mostly holding on the fact that there are valid reasons for the way I am. That they're not excuses. And that I am not some failed project of human being, that needs to be humoured so it can potter about in a facsimile of life.

Holding on to that is keeping me from feeling defeated and crushed at being so exhausted by something that on the surface feels trivial (bin theft) but which used up all my energy for the day; not counting cooking a meal, etc. And my original morning preparations for potentially getting bank stuff started or begun to be sorted today; paperwork collected and put in bag, ID etc... My morning was on track for one thing and got thrown.

Am holding on the the changed perspective. Holding on tight. And hope, after struggling to get a more normal sleeping schedule that I don't crash before three pm and mess it all up again.

Note to self: Research adrenals + exhaustion. Not that I trust a doctor to help me with it.

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Willow
Date: 02:07PM | Wed, September 7th | 2011
Subject: Rainy Wednesday
Security: Public
Tags:food + me, health: physical, shiny! i has it!, willow's warren, wth?

Had a bit of an outing with my landlady today. It was nice. The part where she stopped to grab a bite to eat was fraught though. She was feeling for Chick-fil-a. Even though I had the Kindle on me, I didn't think to check the menu online until we were in the drive-in line; mostly because I hadn't realized we were still going. I think I've forgotten what it is when people crave a food, since I have to ignore so many of my own. Originally it was a thing, but then I said I had foos issues and she said we'd figure out something special, but then we had to head back early, so we swung by... Anyway, I picked the cheese out of my salad, added some tortilla chips and some sauteed beef and made a thing. And I gave her the soup, cause it had noodles in it. In future, I check a menu before hand, or make sure I can see the menu. If I could have, I'd have noticed the soup had noodles, or seen if they had little GF signs up on different dishes. But live, learn, adapt.

I mean, I still ordered thousand island dressing on the spot, and then got home, tasted it and realized I needed to check ingredients. Sure enough - this emulsion had egg yolk. It's all taking some getting used to - but between today and Monday, I am beginning to feel like the biggest 'going out kill joy'. If I were more social, it's be all about inviting people to my home, where I CONTROL THE INGREDIENTS (the horizontal and the vertical). But I'm not. So that's not going to happen.

In other news, the great big 'OMGosh! Why is the ceiling leaking?!!!' Turns out, it wasn't the roof, and it wasn't the plumbing. It was the fact that despite our landlady buying the central air filter systems FOR US, the upstairs tenants hadn't changed theirs. So the system got backed up and filthy. Usually there's a cleaning twice a year. But we didn't get cleaned for summer, because the company switched areas. Anyway, the filter itself was filthy. I got shown it. I have a longhaired cat, and my own filter, changed every two to three months DOES NOT get as filthy as that was. That thing was FURRY. The fur had fur. And thus the upstairs system got clogged, things froze and leaked and it was a mess.

I keep boggling. She buys the filters FOR US. She'll buy most things for us we need if she can afford it or give it on loan, etc. So I'm seriously boggling. And I keep wondering if the difference is having actually lived with the landlady - in terms of her treating me like a housemate/roommate. Or if it's just about how the upstairs tenant is as a tenant.

But important news?! New box-cutter! It is yellow. Which is not as bright as orange. And not as pretty as red. But I like yellow. And it is in my little hands (so to speak).

ETA/PS: I also experimented with a smaller bag. I felt naked. I really did. It needs further study. And possibly a prettier bag.

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Willow
Date: 10:16AM | Fri, July 22nd | 2011
Subject: It's not my fault, but ....
Security: Public
Mood:irritated irritated
Tags:willow's warren

I feel like the upstairs neighbour is going to blame me anyway. Cable problem? IS NOT the box. So cable person needs to check all the boxes and all the connections. But I only made an appointment for my unit. And I'm not 'allowed' to call upstairs. So I had to call the landlady to call upstairs and let them know someone was knocking on the door to do with the cable. It woke them up. They're usually noisy on Friday's anyway, even though the landlady's told them it's as personal to me as quiet sundays are personal to them. I tense with expectations of reprisals.

I mean, they drop things that sound like playing basket ball with a bowling ball over my head a lot. And I can't be in my own bedroom to sleep until it's at least hopefully past 9pm (with my noise masker on HIGH) with no true peace until 11.

I sigh right now. Sigh a lot.

Also? Trash collector's haven't been by. So despite all the walking back and forth to find the lines I've done with cable person - no opportunity to bring in the bins one time and spare my back. So that'll have to wait until noon or there-abouts and I don't even know. Lidoderm patch seems to have kept me from seizing immobile, but that's about it.

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Willow
Date: 10:57PM | Tue, June 28th | 2011
Subject: Craaaaaaaaaaaaap.
Security: Public
Mood:drowning drowning
Tags:depression scale 8.5, exhaustion scale: 7, pain scale 5.5, willow's warren

Lately, I've felt better. I believe I've mentioned that one or thrice or effty seven times. But I realized something, starburst moment I'm sure. Feeling better is just an improvement on feeling crap. I can cook for myself at least twice a day. I can wipe down counters most days. I can take out the trash and the recycling and maybe vacuum. And then my legs and arms start shaking, my back spasms, I want to cry and even sitting down makes me feel exhausted. I'm not BETTER. I just feel less bogs of crap.

Well acid wash in a crotch, that's just sneaky. Sneaky and detrimental and 7 shades of painfilled wrong. It's wrong to realize how pathetic it is, given a perspective, to feel so good and relieved and so proud of myself for accomplishing bare basics. Yes, I cuoldn't before and now I can and isn't it wonderful. But life at bare basics is still crap. It's crap and guilt and frustrations - which may explain why perhaps I may forget this revalation tomorrow, in order not to feel so depressed I pound my head into explosion.

Pshh, for all I know I've realized this before, effty seven times. But I've got ants in my kitchen ,despite the a/c being horrid cold. And I can't seem to keep up enough in wiping down my counters and minding my floor even though it's fricking amazing -for me- and the dishwasher runs twice a week now and the counters aren't grey or brown and more a slight offwhite and the grout's still damn clean.

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Willow
Date: 12:40PM | Tue, May 10th | 2011
Subject: Life As I Know It
Security: Public
Tags:anxiety scale 9, willow's warren

Angry scary crappy mean woman was here and gone. Couldn't leave the hosue due to back spasms. So couldn't leave the house. Especially not if I want to attempt to get to therapy tomorrow and not wear myself out. Curled up in my bedroom with the cat. Anxiety levels went through the ROOF when I heard her voice. Next year, may crawl the hell outside no matter how badly I'm feeling, cause damn - my chest and spine felt like they were gonna explode through my heart and up through my mouth.

Anyway, landlady tried to tell me later (via phone) it's just how angry scary crappy woman is, so I shouldn't take it personally. Upstairs she got into upstairs neighbour's business, asking why her son was out of school on a school day since he didn't look sick. Making a point without saying anything and tapping her little ticket book. So upstairs neighbour's son got sent to school. I don't know his business. Landlady doesn't know his business. But he had to at least leave the house, in his school uniform while she was there.

I think landlady seeing the good in everyone is a wonderful thing. Especially for me. But angry scary crappy lady is a busy body , ablist and MEAN as fuck and I'm not likely to change my mind.

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Willow
Date: 03:47PM | Mon, March 28th | 2011
Subject: Grr Arrgh Stab
Security: Public
Tags:willow's warren

It's the time of year when that hateful woman comes around to determine city municipal housing certificates. Landlady told me either yesterday or Sat night. And now I'm having trouble focusing on the things I need to do THIS week. Ugh. She won't show up until near the end of April - but still, it makes me anxious. Also I had had plans to not be around the apt for April and that looks scrapped, cause I'll need the cleaners for sure - best way to determine that woman doesn't turn her nose up. Ugh.

So much damn trouble.

But need to focus on getting through the dentist and doctor appts this week.

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Willow
Date: 06:45PM | Thu, March 10th | 2011
Subject: Upstairs Neighbour People
Security: Public
Tags:willow's warren

So I'm in charge of the trash now, and I guess they've been told - cause I just went to take the bins to the curb, and they'd stuffed THEIR week's worth of trash (family of 6 mind), in bags spilling open and over into the top of the full bin I'd used to put my own trash in - even though there was an empty bin right there, with bin liners. Now I understand how that area has become so untidy with paper-stuff stuck to the ground and rat droppings.

I will need gloves to handle this stuff from now on. Eff damn.

And since it is now confirmed they DO NOT use the recycling bin, I brought it to my back door.

Seriously I lived with the landlady above for just about 2 years, and it was a whole lot of, whomever remembered to take the bins out first. And everyone did lining, etc. I've been 'spoiled' by civility and courtesy.

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Willow
Date: 12:47AM | Thu, March 10th | 2011
Subject: A Day Of Highs and Minor Lows
Security: Public
Tags:birthday month, willow's warren, wtf!, wth?

More later about my wonderful pre-birthday, birthday. But I just got in to upstairs neighbour writing all over my mail again, and threatening to send 'return to sender on it' because she doesn't want to be 'responsible' for walking down the stairs (or sending her children to walk down the stairs) and passing me my mail. Or y'know, calling me to go up there and pick it up if it ends up in the wrong box. That on top of realizing I seriously don't like people and alrge swelling crowds bring out a little voice urging me to KILL KILL KILL (a la the Capitals vs Oilers hockey game in DC letting out a thronging burrbling mass of shove n push humanity) and then having to wait 1/2 hr in the rain for a bloody bus to get home - kind of GRRRS me.

So I'm going to go try to de-tress before bed and then write about my lovely, lovely day tomorrow. I am all grr, because she wrote on a letter from my aunt, sending me birthday wishes. Like she couldn't damn well write a note on a piece of paper? Now if I keep the evelope to save my aunt's letter, her passive-aggressiveness is all damn over it. When I thought she'd eventually show her true colours, I did not at all expect this (and some other stuff I'm not even gonna start with here).

**breathes**

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Willow
Date: 09:16PM | Tue, September 14th | 2010
Subject: So
Security: Public
Mood:having the shakes having the shakes
Tags:willow's warren

I wrote my landlady asking for more help to mask the noises from upstairs. She wrote a letter reminding the upstairs neighbour to be mindful. Upstairs neighbour just called me, shouting, talking about how I'm unreasonable and trying to get her evicted and she doesn't even use her living room out of consideration for me, and if I thought there was noise and disturbance before, well there's going to be disturbance now.

And so there are people walking up and down, running up and down, jumping up and down on top of my head.

The exact reprisal I told my landlady I was so afraid of which was why I hadn't mentioned anything. And now, well, reprisal. And cuss out.

It took me a long time to understand my landlady wanted a relationship with me, that I should go to her and be honest about things. I wrote her a letter asking for help, explaining that the tension is affecting my health and now...

I don't even....

I. don't. even.

pS: Yes, I did call the landlady as soon as I hung up/was hung up on by the neighbour to let her know what happened.

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Willow
Date: 08:25PM | Mon, September 6th | 2010
Subject: Note To Self
Security: Public
Mood:indescribable indescribable
Tags:i hate people, note to self, sleep cycle, willow's warren

If I want a good set of sleep, I NEED to use the earplugs, otherwise I spend the entire time I'm sleeping, cringing and curled up against every bit of noise etc from upstairs and wake up NOT refreshed and also extremely sore and tense.

So yeah, another day lost. But I think I have a clue now as to the non pharma reasons behind my sleep schedule problems. Seriously I know now, considering I put the ear plugs in half way through and I feel more rested and relaxed than I have in days. If I was being that hyper-vigilant in my sleep, no wonder I was also staying awake until the sun rose. That's bound to make sleeping LESS alarming than hearing thuds and bumps and noise in my sleep at NIGHT.

I am in no position to move, but DAMN, yeah, this situation is no longer 'long term' for me. As long as that woman with her high heels and clogs and children are making noise about my head, I've got two years to be well enough and save up enough to move. Cause damn.

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Willow
Date: 02:38PM | Sun, July 11th | 2010
Subject: Grr
Security: Public
Tags:they be cancelling shit, willow's warren

Upstairs tenant had someone come to their door; booming like it was police, banging on the door and shouting. Woke me up out of a lovely dead sleep (where I've been recovering frm this morning's chores & activities). Was so startled I barely maanaged to get outside with pants on and point out they didn't need to bang so hard - someone lives below. And if no one's answering maybe people aren't home.

Them: "Oh no someone's home." While talking on a cellphone.

Wish I'd had the whereithall to point out if she can't get them to the front door AND she has a phone, then maybe they don't want to talk to her.

Now it's for me to deal with the rush of anxiety.

Eta: Smoked up the apt, new tenant came to make sure I was ok. Asked to hear what it sounds like when people walk. Of course I had every fan in the house on at the time - so I have no idea what she believes now.

ETA2: And I just saved two of her kids from being locked out and stranded outside by letting them walk through my apt, to get to the back/kitchen door where they'd be heard easier. So I think she's likely to believe the messed up acoustics of the house and I feel less anxious.

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Willow
Date: 05:44AM | Sat, February 6th | 2010
Subject: So....
Security: Public
Tags:we don't do snow, willow's warren

I woke up an hour ago to ligtening and thunder, tried to go back to sleep under my bedding, but finally got up about 30 minutes ago unable to sleep further (I went to bed early). Outside there's a foot of snow balanced on the fence, the trees are weighed down like something out of a winter calendar and I'm officially blocked in - as the snow has filled in the steps leading down to my gate door. It's slowly creeping to fall in between the spaces -of- the door.

I have no idea how the main streets are doing since I don't live on one, but just -off- one. But my street has the sidewalk and the street pretty much evenly blanketed with snow.

There are children who will love this.

Meanwhile it looks like their parents will wake up, stick a head at the window to peer and see and go 'Ahhh! I hope we bought enough everything!'.

Icon: Is unrelated, used for cheering up. Tommy Oliver is my anti drugcabin fever.

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Willow
Date: 11:53AM | Thu, January 28th | 2010
Subject: --
Security: Public
Tags:the year: 2010, willow's warren

Read more... )

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Willow
Date: 12:43PM | Sun, January 24th | 2010
Subject: And so....
Security: Public
Mood:complex complex
Tags:about me, state of me, willow's warren

I'm currently mainlining "Murder Victims". It's odd how comforting such shows are. Maybe it's seeing people triumph through thinking over their problems that's so soothing. I don't know. It's just odd to me how much I enjoy them and yet I don't think I could write a procedural. Procedurals are much longer than what I've finally admitted is my forte. Procedural makes me think 'novel'. Though I suppose Poe did a procedural short story - The Purloined Letter.

Things have happened. I did talk to my landlady finally. But it wasn't actually too helpful. She doesn't know or have answers to my questions - she's simply reached a point in her life where she can admit that her life is no longer in the city the house is in. And she was holding on for sentimentality and needs to make a clean cut of it. There's one option, one possibility of how things could turn out that I'm currently holding on to. If that doesn't work out, I figure I have a year or so. And in the meantime I've got to see about the rent increase paperwork.

Really, I'm currently not thinking about it and I'd like not to think about it until the end of the month. I spent a week wound up tight, oh so incredibly anxious and I'd like the chance to recover from that and feel more solid again - as solid as I can be.

So, "Murder Victims" where senseless death is contained with futuristic fantasy science. CSI Miami has holograms now! It is SO My Sunny Batman Show!

PS: I am managing to feed myself. I'm very grateful for that. And that I've recovered from either a stomach flu or food poisoning - whatever made Monday & Tuesday so exhausting and full of ick and ugh.

PPS: Malware @ Livejournal. Something to think about and be aware of. Has anyone encountered pop-ups on iJay when logged out?

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Willow
Date: 05:39PM | Thu, January 14th | 2010
Subject: So it's the end of the business day Thursday...
Security: Public
Mood:upset upset
Tags:.deewee, willow's warren

And I have not had the conversation with my landlady we were supposed to have about her selling the property that contains my apartment. That was the news I got early Tuesday morning that was related to a phone-call on Sunday the 9th that I missed.

She's decided to sell.

When Will We Have Conversation? )

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Willow
Date: 01:11PM | Tue, January 12th | 2010
Subject: Heard from the landlord
Security: Public
Mood:--
Music:--
Tags:willow's warren

The most pressing thing is what I'd feared - she's planning to sell the house.

The second thing is a rent increase - though I'm not at all sure how that will work. Do I contact rental assistance and tell them my rent's being raised? Or that I might be moving?

Kinda numb. Have to pull myself together to get to therapy today.

Landlady has someone coming to check the house on Thursday and would like to speak to me then. She'd wanted to speak to me in person about it.

I should eat something.

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Willow
Date: 03:01PM | Mon, January 11th | 2010
Subject: Oh crap
Security: Public
Mood:anxious anxious
Tags:about me, willow's warren

My landlord apparently called me yesterday - didn't hear the phone, didn['t get indicated there were any messages - found out just now. Called her back. Will now have tension and anxiety until she tells me what's up.

All sorts of things are going through my head - along with a bit of mental screaming of "No no no no no" because I don't want to lose stability.

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Willow
Date: 09:17AM | Thu, August 13th | 2009
Subject: Thursday.
Security: Public
Tags:willow's warren

The plumbers are here. I was sleeping. I thought they weren't showing up until say, Noon. I've rescheduled the appointment I had Friday the 14th, until Sept the 11th. That's the only time period they had that wouldn't be impossible for me to get to (seriously, I do not make 8am appointments).

Now to just manage to make it to therapy today and collapse for the rest of the month.

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Willow
Date: 10:36AM | Tue, August 11th | 2009
Subject: The Further Bathroom Adventures
Security: Public
Mood:sad & more sad & more
Tags:about keeping house, willow's warren

Remember that break I wanted to take? That mental vacation?

Well I woke up to use the bathroom and discovered that sometime between when I went to sleep and now, the dishwashing water felt the need to back up into the toilet and bathtub. The freshly scrubbed toilet and bathtub. The landlady is being informed right now (talked to her SO). And I will hit therapy today without a shower.

Of course right now I have to calm myself down and remind myself it's now my fault. I haven't done anything wrong. They didn't even find any hair-clogs when they snaked stuff on Saturday. And I was told specifically, that hair doesn't cause this. Of course I still want to throw up my hands in despair. The thought of the apartment having people in it again and me feeling uncomfortable/invaded - hands up in despair.

... Just spoke with the world's best landlady and she reminded me it isn't my fault. It's a tree's fault. And she'll be here for when the plumbers come again (oh, I've been spelling plumbers all wrong this past weekend. My bad). They'll be coming to snake, again, to try and give the bathroom some relief. But also the sewerline now definitely needs replacing.

I sigh. I sigh a lot. It's not even been 24 hours since the bathroom got clean and I felt like it was mine again.

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Willow
Date: 12:28PM | Sat, August 8th | 2009
Subject: More Bathroom Adventures
Security: Public
Mood:relieved relieved
Tags:willow's warren

It's not me!

And it was probably not the cleaners either! Though it'd be easier if it were. Looks like it's the sewerline itself and I was the lucky lottery winner because I'm in the basement apartment. That is, my apartment is closer to the hookup that the upstairs part of the house. But eventually it would have mucked up with the WHOLE house. So it's good it was discovered now.

I'm just kind of 'Yay I didn't break it with the plunger! Or my hair!'. Seriously, long curly hair still likes to try and be a bane despite locs.

ETA: They're trying to NOT have to move the toilet because then all the water involved will flood the bathroom and uhm, well, hit the carpet outside the bathroom (and spill already hit the carpet in the living room). When this is done, I will be rewashing my towels and some stuff in my laundry room. Cause it's all been touched.

Positive - The kind of blockage cannot be caused by 'hair'. This is not curly hair made something wonky. Apparently it was tree roots.

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Willow
Date: 08:49AM | Sat, August 8th | 2009
Subject: Adventures Of The Bathroom
Security: Public
Mood:unhappy unhappy
Tags:stress scale 6, willow's warren

Last night, shower water would not go down. This morning, it'd moved down maybe an inch.

AND ON TOP OF THAT

Flushed the toilet and the bowl overflowed. My bathroom is flooded, water's seeping in to the carpet (this I just discovered when I went to turn off the light AFTER calling my landlady. I'll tell her when she calls me back).

There will need to be strangers up in my place. And SOON, this is ridiculous. Ugh. Stress.

And as an added extra just killed my second bee that snuck into this place, of the week. So I'm going to likely have to go outside and see where they may be nesting to sneak in when I open the front door. On Monday, I'm rescheduling my specialist appointment. Surviving this weekend is going to use up a lot of my cope.

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Willow
Date: 01:31AM | Sat, August 8th | 2009
Subject: What can you discover...
Security: Public
Mood:grumpy grumpy
Tags:whhhhhyyyy?, willow's warren

With a long drawn out 'washing your hair' shower that you can't discover during a quick in and out shower?

Ready?

That the drain is broken!

There is currently water in the tub up to my shins. Using a plunger did not work. Sent email to my landlady. Seems likely the cleaners broke the drainage mechanism somehow.

My hair is rinsed somewhat, but not at all to my satisfaction.

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Willow
Date: 06:51PM | Thu, May 28th | 2009
Subject: Dot Dot Dot - Thursday
Security: Public
Tags:.deewee, energy scale 3, health: physical, willow's warren

Did not collect script today. Last night got fed up with litter tracking and vacuumed. I'd only been doing it once a week because the machine is heavy. And not only did I vroom across the carpet, I tried to move a door out of storage (that didn't work out) and I fiddled with several pounds of little in a box, trying to figure out the best position for it, to place something to catch the tracking.

I wore myself out in otherwords and luckily I recognized it and didn't go haring off downtown, which would have resulted in me flat on my back. As it is, even though I'm lime and salting a chicken, I might just order dinner, because dealing with wrestling a 7 pound bit of poultry to rinse it, season it and put it in an oven, might knock me flat on my ass.

Also today? I wrote up a 2 page report on LED lights, with some mention of CFL's for my landlady, because when someone asks me a questions and I don't know - I research. And I fell into the mode of giving her the same kind of report I'd give my mother when -she- wants to make a decision. I guess I felt it was my responsibility for even mentioning the lights just because I turned the tv on last night and they got mentioned.

Oh yeah, and I've been stretching all week, trying to include some movement in the hopes it'd help me handle the barometric pressure from all this rain. I'm lucky I recognized the twinge of 'Your ass is gonna fall flat out girl if you try too much more like taking that hill you live on down and up'.

I need to get the focus to read these articles I have up about CFS, I know one explains the exhaustion and chemicals and I really want to know.

Also! Saw the icon browser thing either Wed or Tues and so much YAY! It's not the GJ version, but it's still pretty cool.

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Willow
Date: 06:02PM | Thu, May 14th | 2009
Subject: One Of The Coolest Things EVER!
Security: Public
Tags:cat adventures, knitting is awesome, willow's warren

A tote bag knitted out of PLASTIC BAGS. Yes, you heard me. PLASTIC BAG KNITTING!

It's recycling and knitting at the same time!

And yes, I am not a knitter. Put my fingers in all those weird positions - what for? No. I'd rather enable other folks by buying yarn and making the big puppy eyes to get something made for me.

In other news, something I forgot to mention about -the apt being cleaned-. The carpet shampoo guy? He claimed to have vacuumed up 4 pounds of cat hair. And there was still some left! He was supposed to have come over to clean that bit up, never did, and the cleaners got it instead.

Which boiled down to my landlady apparently going 'THE HELL?!' (her cats are short haired) and going right out and buying a BISSEL PET HAIR VACUUM. The thing looks like it came from space. I've yet to take off the signage and use it.

Anyway, apparently I have my own sheep. I used to collect her hair, honestly, back in the beginning when she was wee and I pondered making my own yarn. Then I lost the impulse. Now I'm pondering it again. You would not believe the hair I've thrown away in just the two days since the vacuuming.

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By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016