By Any Other Name
the tale of Willow

Date: 02:31PM | Sun, July 8th | 2012
Subject: Upstairs = Triffling
Security: Public

So yesterday my landlady came with an amendment to the lease; she's no longer paying for cable. Upstairs abused and misused their cable privileges, ran up all sorts of money and the landlady isn't having it anymore. TODAY, MYSTERIOUSLY, they keep tripping the main for the whole first floor. And telling her 'No, nothing's different. We didn't plug in anything extra'.

Meanwhile, the person who has to go in the back and untrip the main breaker for their 1st floor - is me. And the landlady has to call me to do it; cause there's no communication between me and upstairs. So whatever they're playing at, they're disrupting 2 Sundays. And I'm already having a time of it; not up to cooking, feeling hungry and woozy, trying to bring myself to figure some food out - wishing I could just order something and get a reprieve and knowing I can't.

I can't. I just... seriously? This whole thing with them? When I looked at the lease amendment? I've been here 4 yrs. 4 yrs of stability and a good relationship with my landlady. I treasure this. I feel blessed. I remain in awe that someone could not appreciate what they have up there.

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Date: 06:21PM | Fri, June 1st | 2012
Subject: Things Wot Happened To Me Today
Security: Public
Mood:hungry hungry
Tags:therapy / therapy day, wtf!

Got in a conversation with a bus driver, we were both waiting for the same bus; about Harry Potter being evil and a spellbook to witchcraft - based on the fact that there' been all this cannibalism going on. Apparently there was one localish enough to be extra freaky. I truthfully wasn't paying attention to it - because, I hate zombies. And everything I saw was all 'OMG ZOMPOCOLYSE!'

Conversatoin? Well, wa weird. Involved of course, Christianity. Jesus saving everyone. Humans did not evolve from primates cause the primates aren't still evolving, etc.... As usual I played chameleon, cause there ain't nothing like someone being beligerant at you at the bus stop to sap energy.

Then on the bus trip HOME? Man talking about the Illuminati and racism and the prison system.

Seriously world? What is up?!

PS: Forgot the best part. Guy on the bus was claiming Obama Didn't Do Shit For Him. And He' Still Waiting For A True Black Prince. Cause Obama didn't get inducted into the Illumati and hasn't been able to do anything real for real brothers.

0.o - One. Weird. Day.

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Date: 01:09AM | Sun, May 13th | 2012
Subject: Eff This. New Rule
Security: Public
Tags:wtf!, wth?

No More Hitchhikers To Vegas, No More 'Naps'. No More Sleeps In The Day. Cause it seems like any sort of lay my head on a pillow results in total beddy-time, whether I want to or not. Whether I've eaten or not. So I just need to stay the eff up, even if my nose slams the keyboard, until a reasonable hour to go to sleep. Cause all this rest is happening unmedicated - so it seems obvious that there's an emotional component happening here. And I bloodly want SOME control over my life. Some. SOME!

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Date: 05:08PM | Thu, January 19th | 2012
Subject: G.I Joe: Renagades
Security: Public
Tags:cartoons, tv, wtf!

WTF? Since when did GI Joe merge with The A Team???? Highly trained team? Set up? On the run? Trying to prove their innocence? Do they also save innocents on their off time? I have no idea.

Also, I just saw their version of' The Origins of Destro. It was kind of angsty yo. Like, Nate Ford, Leverage Angsty. But less annoying. I'm kind of - Oh... they do try to help innocent towns besiged by COBRA.

I laugh and chortle.

I also note the terrorism angle is very modern as compared to the 80's cartoon.

Meanwhile, Snake Eyes is... silent. Is he supposed to be deaf? Is he another 'White American Ninja' ? Or is he Non White under there? Le sigh.

Also I feel old at the thought that children watching this, might have no idea about The A Team other than that movie that came out, whenever a couple months? A year ago? Just like there were peeps claiming Bram Stoker stole Vampires from S.Meyer, or that 'other people's vampires and werewolves were ALL WRONG'. I end up feeling like people are going to end up talkin about 'Such and such stole from Such and such' And I'll be there all 'Read a damn pop culture history book, y'ignorant whippersnapper'.

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Date: 11:02AM | Mon, November 14th | 2011
Subject: Things That Happen When You've A Mind Like Mine
Security: Public
Mood:irritated irritated
Tags:multiple me, so much angry, wtf!

The last time you had the mung beans, there was itching. It could very well have been coinciental, and seemed to clear up in a way signalling it was a hormonal matter. And yet.... The mung beans I put out 2(3?) days ago to soak. I somehow DID NOT NOTICE until this morning, when I was sniffing around the kitchen wondering 'What in the blazes is that awful smell'. I just plain didn't see them. They were invisible to me. Swoosh went my eyes.

Considering I'm currently budget low, and bought my groceries right around time of a crisis - so it was primarily all comfort food (of which I've grown quickly tired - right now I'm craving chicken so much. I want chicken soup like whoa) - the clean taste of some form of lentil would be MOST appreciated. But no, SWOOSH went my eyes. BLANK BLANK BLANK.

Ugh and irritation.

PS: Also, am pissed off at people in my life who're close to me and whom I think should bloody well know and act better. So all my irritation is just overflowing today. FOUL temper indeed.

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Date: 08:55PM | Thu, November 3rd | 2011
Subject: --
Security: Public
Mood:I think I'm angry or at least upset I think I'm angry or at least upset
Tags:online: support network, question everything, wtf!

There are people on LJ who mean a lot to me. So I have an rss feed program on my desktop, I use auth=digest and I read all their posts that I can access; open and public, general flock or filtered. I can email them or PM them when something comes up and I want to check in on them without commenting. I've been through a lot this week, and no one who's not directly involved somehow has contacted me. Because it hasn't been read. Because it takes a click from DW to see the public posts and apparently you have to be on iJay to see the flocked or filtered ones. I have issues with DW not meeting or matching my needs. So this is where I am. But for the past two days I've felt very much alone and unseen by people I thought did see me. I've wondered at my commitment to them and whether it goes the other way around.

If the case is that I am self isolating, by not being on the same network - if an online relationship with me is too taxing due to having to click, or having a bookmark or setting up an auth-digest rss feed? Then I should probably be considering where to put my energy in future. Online support networks aren't very supportive if they're only around when things are easy.

I did not realize that even online, when you move away from 'the neighbourhood' things end like you're five years old and don't know how to write and use a stamp.

ETA: My current anger is only about 30% displaced. I've felt like this for a while. It's just really hitting home with these current circumstances. And no, contacting me now that this post is practically a 'check things out' neon sign - won't make me feel differently towards people.

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Date: 09:45PM | Fri, October 21st | 2011
Subject: 3 Things Make A Post
Security: Public
Mood:all the uncomfortable feelings all the uncomfortable feelings
Tags:eating complications, effing_allergens, wtf!

1. I didn't intend to make curry, somehow did; the dark kind that actually tastes better with duck than with chicken. I was so proud - I started craving rice. October is the month when Willow plays the damn fool. Itchies. Again. Apparently Oct is when all my needs for foods come rushing in and I challenge and my body goes, oh hell no. This time I was semi-smart and only cooked enough for half a cup. And it was rice I had left over from back in the when.

I think part of me, is challenging, not in the elimination diet sense. But in the - do I really have to give all this up? All of it? And some things are harder than others. Rice is much harder than chocolate, oddly enough. Realizing I may need to give up all grains is HELLA A DIFFICULT. When I smelt that curry simmering, I wanted to laddle it over white rice with greens and a hint of onion so badly. And, well, I cannot ignore that even my scalp is itching. It's not just brown rice. Jasmine or basmati will not save me, neither will red or black. If Sorgum flour made me feel icky inside, it may just. be. grains. And that... that makes me very grateful Zvi helped me get my Foodie Manual together. I've been hugging it solid for the past 2 days.

Especially since next up is tomato (of which I just don't like it, for curries and chili and bbq etc, but of which I have solid memories of sitting in the sun, eating them raw and whole with my grandfather. Tomatoes just make me remember being loved, in that trusting absolute way that only a very young child can have.). But green bell peppers have always made me feel acid-burny-squeasy, and I switched to red, and one day a few weeks ago, cut into one and the smell made me queasy. And it was a red one. A delicious red one. And eggplant... my attempt at curry eggplant - I can't even go into how my body reacted to that.

Maybe, maybe one day, if I ever stop taking my thyroid medication, I won't be taking something that helps me that is also an allergen (pork). But I need that medicine more than I need chocolate and rice and belladona fruits. Though, I don't know if I'm going to be able to give up potato at this rate. Of course I haven't had any potato in, what, two, three weeks now? If I buy some and then there's trouble....

2. My day was taken up trying to set up a research profile on my browser - it just wasn't working out. And I only just realized which add-on was screwing everything up; after one whole profile delete and various fiddling.

3. My brother apparently looks foward to what he calls our weekly calls. I'm apparently, by just talking to him, giving him insight into some things. He's mentioned that no one explains any of this stuff. Also? He's having lots of irritation and anger issues at being expected to drool hound-dog over girls and women. He keeps going 'But I don't even KNOW THEM!' and I'm the only one he can talk to about this (really, our mom? No.) But luckily I understand. I remain and confided my own confusion that people lust after other people they don't even know - that they've only seen once. He's having difficulty explaining he doesn't know anyone, he's not looking at anyone etc. And I personally can't figure out if it's him vs 'hook up culture' or just how he (and I) see the world, or some combination.


Oh.. Oh. The way my stomach feels right now? That's a sensation I recognize. It's pizza sensation. Oh crap. I always thought it was because I ate one 'extra' slice of pizza per meal or something. And the restricted breathing. Uhm.. I don't suppose this is some form of uhm... anaphylaxic reaction, is it? And I just lived with it for years and only now does the sudden coughing and chest hurty feel particularly 'alarming'? Oops, there goes my balance when I went to get water. That's familiar too. Well damn.

ETA: WTF. I think my lips are swollen. Possibly my face is swollen. Seriously world? For realz? eta: Is it possible for the inside of your lip to swell?

ETA2: As a child, I used to get bumps on my legs when walking through glass, blisters if the grass was wet. I thought I outgrew it. Apparently not. If it messes me up like this, I need to check my vitamins.

ETA3: Last year, when I got my first set of blood results back, from the doctor I thought wouldn't suck - there was a bit in there about how the range (and I think it was inflammation) for most people was between 1-3. And mine was ten times that. Last year before I started any dietary eliminations. Allergy -> Inflammation, like a bee sting. And yet allergies did not come up. Once again doctors I have dealt with are getting my laser sideeye.

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Date: 12:47AM | Thu, March 10th | 2011
Subject: A Day Of Highs and Minor Lows
Security: Public
Tags:birthday month, willow's warren, wtf!, wth?

More later about my wonderful pre-birthday, birthday. But I just got in to upstairs neighbour writing all over my mail again, and threatening to send 'return to sender on it' because she doesn't want to be 'responsible' for walking down the stairs (or sending her children to walk down the stairs) and passing me my mail. Or y'know, calling me to go up there and pick it up if it ends up in the wrong box. That on top of realizing I seriously don't like people and alrge swelling crowds bring out a little voice urging me to KILL KILL KILL (a la the Capitals vs Oilers hockey game in DC letting out a thronging burrbling mass of shove n push humanity) and then having to wait 1/2 hr in the rain for a bloody bus to get home - kind of GRRRS me.

So I'm going to go try to de-tress before bed and then write about my lovely, lovely day tomorrow. I am all grr, because she wrote on a letter from my aunt, sending me birthday wishes. Like she couldn't damn well write a note on a piece of paper? Now if I keep the evelope to save my aunt's letter, her passive-aggressiveness is all damn over it. When I thought she'd eventually show her true colours, I did not at all expect this (and some other stuff I'm not even gonna start with here).


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Date: 02:00AM | Fri, February 4th | 2011
Subject: This Mercedes Lackey Thing Is...
Security: Public
Mood:pantslessness exposure shock pantslessness exposure shock
Tags:when privilege attacks, wtf!, wth?

While I never say "never," the likelihood of a transgendered lead characteris so slim as to be invisible. Here is why. I support myself with my writing; I do not have the luxury ofwriting books for special-interest audiences. In my limited experience, somuch of a transgendered person's life and thought is tied up in their genderdifficulties, the ordinary reader would swiftly become bored with such acharacter; even Vanyel's whinging grates on some peoples' nerves. A wideraudience wants to see a character with problems that are solvable; in amodern or sf context, a transgendered person could solve the situation withsurgery, genetic modification, body-swap, or whatever. Those options arenot available to a fantasy author.

As for minor characters, well...I already have used transgendered persons.Didn't you notice?

Emphasis Mine. Typos Hers. Source: Her own damn Q & A page on Valdemar. Via DBW and Rhivolution Tumblr.


Suddenly my experiences last year with a particular author and their HUFFING FLOUNCE OF DEAD SILENCE despite wanting to be CALLED ON SHIT - makes SO much sense. Birds of a feather and all that...

Also? Ain't it lovely how an individual's self admitted LIMITED EXPERIENCE is suddenly a world view? My that has to to be the CLASSIEST "everyone knows x is y about z" I have ever seen.

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Date: 06:33PM | Sun, January 30th | 2011
Subject: Seriously Politics Comm? This will turn out ok cause it is for SPACE??
Security: Public
Mood:wtf-ed! wtf-ed!

Who has traditionally been 'sacrificed' for science:

  • Black women's bodies for 'gains' in gynaecology and medicine

  • Black and brown women's bodies via sterilization and disease testing.

  • Black and brown male bodies via more disease testing.

  • Mentally and Neurologically Challenged individuals in further surgery and other medical tests.

  • Various community members of the poor for various chemical testing (sewer sludge to radiation)

And now someone's going to come out with 'Science Needs To Be Willing To DELIBERATELY Kill People?' When HASN'T it? As long as they're not white and privileged?!!! That is not going to change just because the 'goal' this time will be off in space - habitats, colonies, differing space flight vehicles, whatever.

Someone talking about convincing people to go and die, so others can reap the benefits. Bloody, pulsing, horror, hell.

ETA: I was not joking when I made that comment about going off to space to 'prepare the land for human habitation' ala Patricia Wrede.

ETA2: I feel the need to add - The experiments of the Japanese and Germans on various POW's, unwed mothers, deemed mentally deficient individuals and suspected political dissidents from which various progress in anesthesia, neurology, nerve response, understanding deep pressure on human bodies and other discoveries were made. This is a GLOBAL phenomenon of 'throwing away that which is deemed other and undesirable' - for SCIENCE.

And the answer is always a chargrinned look and foot shuffling and 'It's really bad. I know it is. But now that the information is THERE...."

Some of the phrases that set me off, also a link )

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Date: 01:08AM | Thu, January 27th | 2011
Subject: This Is A List Of Complaints.
Security: Public
Tags::{ grumpy face, books, i will cut somebody, question everything, wtf!

* I am fed up with teenagers who want to be 'normal' and have 'normal lives' even though they have varied above normal abilities

* I am fed up with 'just a normal/ordinary/every day' boy or girl description of the protagonist in summary, and protagonist of course is white, middle class and usually blonde.

* I am fed up with reading 'Until/And Then/But....; The eye poppingly hot/studly seductive/ seriously sexy/sizzling/hunky or some other OMG BE JEALOUS intro description of, usually but not always, the male in a book summary. It makes me forget I like romance. Cause I do. I like reading about characters getting to know one another better, and finding similarities in points of view and politics and family life etc, and growing closer and emotions running deeper.

The superficial trophy significant other due to looks, power, etc... UGH. SO MUCH DAMN UGH.

* I am tired of torture porn and gore in thrillers parading as mysteries. I do not have a serial killer fetish. I am tired of serial killer this and serial killer that.

*(Spoiler Blanked / Somewhat Triggery) If your book is a romance, even a historical gay romance? I don't need on page 3 to be reading about 'And then I sodomized him' followed by descriptions of pain and someone's overwhelming lust despite their partner's discomfort. Even as a memory!

Things that cannot be controlled - all the prexisting books of cis, hetero, male fantasy wishfulfilmen, where some barbarian/young man/whatever has to save the day, or at least is village, while growing into or showing off his already 'mighty thews' blah blah blah, with extra inborn nobility/political savvy/etc... blah blah.

Sigh. I have other complaints, but right now, while in pain, and wanting comfort, I once again sought out books and stories. And once again my soul cried out NO! I've been all twitchy about anime too (and anime is where I go when Euro/US tv makes me want to claw at my poor skull).

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Date: 03:41PM | Sun, January 16th | 2011
Subject: ...
Security: Public
Tags:manga: dislikes, wtf!

I can't begin to imagine why someone would scanlate manga, yaoi manga, and use the word homo. Repeatedly. I can't enjoy the art, can't ponder the writer, can't consider anything about if this is something I'd like to own - because I am struck sideways by that term, over and over again. There are other words in english to be substituted for slang terms if they didn't want to use 'yaoi'. Queer, for instance. Or the full term; homosexual. Or one they used in the beginning, gay.

So much ugh.

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Date: 03:27PM | Sat, January 8th | 2011
Subject: ... I'm feeling a flashback to Elon James White's comment about leaving the house only to get hosed
Security: Public
Mood:I. Can't. Even! I. Can't. Even!

They shot an elected official in Arizona. They. Y'know, single, young, angry, white male. Those people. Who get all angry and violent and want to take back their Country to 1945. Heaven's wept!

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Date: 12:08PM | Sun, January 2nd | 2011
Subject: Dreamwidth :(
Security: Public
Mood:disappointed disappointed
Tags:.deewee, online: journaling systems, wtf!, wth?

I thought, hey for the new year let me change the page theme - I'm feeling for something brighter. My current OMShootSomething, is that apparently CSS adjustments don't save theme to theme. The link list saves and text saves, but not the CSS. And right now I can't remember the adjustments I'd done, so as not to see certain things on my friends page, etc. I even went back to check what I think is the version of 'Funky Circles' I was using before (I might try and check all versions, but I'm fairly certain I started off w/ Chocolate) But I'm already feeling drained due to the disappointment and dislike.

The other irk, is well, there aren't as many options as one would think. Just myriad recoloured version of the bases. Some of the colour combinations are truly awful to my eyes - which is why colour palettes to me, should be easy to use but all personalization on a -base- plain palette. And then many of the bases available are from branchandroot, who sticks in my mind as having said many things opposite DW's diversity statement.

And in the midst of the disappointment of the moment, I remember the DEC news; the big feature of 'reading lj posts (including locked) on DW, with DW as a kind of rss reader - BLOCKED. It's not going to happen. Apparently LJ would go 'oh hellz no' and stop ALL access allowed to DW on their servers.

And if I'm being told to use a desktop RSS feeder -anyway- and a desktop RSS feeder is what I -have- been using to keep track of people on LJ, it's not that much to add people from DW (even if I shall miss their icons). And I'll certainly not come across the naked and or other things I (personally) find disturbing if I'm using a desktop reader. Luckily I already know about digest=auth


ETA: I may have found at least the basic code and feeds I'd wanted to block (not stuff I'd later added that was seriously racist and or mysognitic). But I only found it thanks to LJ-Archive and the ability to search my archives and easily read comment responses. Which just irks me all over again about DW not allowing me to save comments. Yeah, if it bothers me, let it go - the trend will continue. I think it saved me some serious high blood pressure and nose bleeds in 2010. No more people disappointing me by acting the way my instincts said they would.

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Date: 01:46AM | Wed, December 15th | 2010
Subject: December wants to drive me to darkness
Security: Public
Mood:distressed distressed
Tags:computer adventures, obi-flist-kenobi, wtf!

I don't know how long the current 'fix' will last. But system restore worked. System restore never works on my harddrive. I've always gotten a 'too bad, so sad'. And now I'm weeping. Because if I'd thought system restore might work (and wasn't clutching at straws) - I wouldn't have tried to see if my Acer Recovery Discs would -repair- vs reinstall. And I wouldn't have pressed thewrong button, and ended up hard power offing the computer and somehow messed up my external hard drive - which is now reading EMPTY EMPTY EMPTY. My external hard drive where I'd been putting everything, thinking it'd be safe.

I used Partition Mount and Find. It found my external harddrive file - but it's still reading empty. I used a Linux LiveDisc to check and the drive STILL reads as Empty.

I don't know where to go next.

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Date: 09:26PM | Fri, December 10th | 2010
Subject: Returnil Software Program SUUUUCCCCKKS
Security: Public
Mood:aggravated aggravated
Tags:computer adventures, wtf!

Screw it. It expired and it's set my computer into FUNK. Can't get to do much except in SAFEMODE. That's the last time I use any software that claims to sandbox and buffer my system. That many digital fingers in my computer's pie - makes sense it all goes to crap and back when damn thing doesn't work anymore. WORSE, I haven't used it in MONTHS. I was just keeping it around in a 'just in case' but it never did what I wanted it to do and I kept it for emergency software testing. Couldn't uninstall in safemode cause windows uninstall doesn't work in safemode. So I used an uninstall software and... grrr!

Just did a bootable antivirus screen (took HOURS) and it only found viruses in quarantine with my regular antivirus. So it's definitely this damn Returnil thing and now I have to try and figure out how the hell to fix this.

Ended up ordering out dinner, have been struggling with this shite since minutes to 7pm.

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Date: 08:51PM | Wed, November 24th | 2010
Subject: Gonna Have A Limp For Thanksgiving - So Let's Distract
Security: Public
Tags:comfort reading, question everything, wtf!, wth?

Off topic of my week of irky-itchy-brainfunky-crapola... Let's talk about Mercedes Lackey and a terrible, horrible episode I had this week. I think I may have outgrown her and it makes me want to pee my pants in terror. Or rather, that I may have outgrown the old books. You see, my favourite arc in the Valdemare series is the one concerning Talia. And, well, this time I read it and wanted to pull out my damn hair. (Also later on I'm going to talk about a SciFi Channel Movie w/ Joe Lando & Claudia Christian that was just horrible).

On the off chance someone hasn't read Arrows... )

And now the SCIFI Movie In case anyone dislikes being spoiled for one of those )

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Date: 09:14AM | Wed, November 3rd | 2010
Subject: Something That Actually Made Me feel Sicker
Security: Public
Mood:feeble feeble
Tags:#social justice issues, fail fail everywhere, fandom: is, wtf!

I don't approve of corporations stepping in, branding while offering their supposed help in areas where the government was meant to be the support network web keeping the underclasses, the lost, those in need of help, afloat.

That said? I SURE AS HELL DO NOT BELIEVE FANFICTION counts as one of those events/opportunities being lost to budget crunches and cuts and desperately swallowing Brand Control (the kindness of mercenary strangers) in order to survive.

Fiction Alley = Our 501(c)3 is just as deserving as any other is just plain wrong.

Note: I say this knowing that fannish writing, fannish community and fannish support have in my life and the lives of others, been therapy, a shoulder to lean on, and an emergency resource. We still don't compare to DV shelters, afterschool programs, in school programs, the homeless, etc...

ETA: Provide free therapy to families who have experienced sexual abuse or... keep the Harry Potter play fic. Oh Burn Yee Into The DEPTHS Fiction Alley.

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Date: 06:16AM | Sat, October 30th | 2010
Subject: Before I Forgot
Security: Public
Tags:about my mother, question everything, the world: 2010, wtf!, wth?

I know I'm not doing that well, and perhaps the universe is trying to be compassionate, when my mother basically says in a conversation;

"There's this girl I know, who was in a serious relationship a few years ago, and then broke it and it was all sad. But I ran into her the other day and she's doing so much better blah blah blah and do you want me to give you her number?"

That's right. My mother, my mother, my mother, did a bit of a 'set you up with someone'. A someone who is female.


Munch on that.

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Date: 11:45PM | Sun, October 24th | 2010
Subject: WT...
Security: Public
Tags:consumer culture everywhere, nostalgia, wtf!

Sam Lord's Castle burned down on the 20th.

I never thought I would feel -age- like this. This hard and fast knowledge that the places of my youth and childhood memories are gone. I always felt this odd simpatico with my mother and older relatives. I knew, in my head that there had been change since they were children. But so many things were the same, it was a comfort in walking the same streets, attending the same schools, shopping the same stores... And I guess in my head I always had this thought that since there'd been a balance as I was growing up, that balance would be maintained.

But it wasn't and it seems now it likely won't be. Torch globalization. Seriously.

It is amazing to me to realize that I have had an experience that will never come again - not even in modified forms. Americanization/globalization has changed things. It hit me before when I was told how after 9/11 the US wouldn't let any country with flights in have airports that were not precisely and exactly what the US thought they should be. Therefore, no more walking on the tarmac, smelling the sea breeze before entering the airport; an experience that has always meant 'home' to me. No more Mother's Day Luncheon's in the castles or particular hotels. No more holiday lights.


I know there were more than likely problems when I was a child. I'm aware that there's some rose-coloured glasses going on here. And yet, it doesn't change the reality that so much HAS changed. I remember when Trinidad got American cable tv. I lived through how much that changed culture; the images presented, the way people suddenly stopped liming to go inside and watch a show together because they could, how the few local shows were no longer a priority...


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Date: 01:11AM | Mon, September 6th | 2010
Subject: Metaphorically Slaughter 'Em All
Security: Public
Mood:irritated irritated
Tags:online: journaling systems, wtf!

Note to self:

Given the recent LJ explosion I submitted another DW support request to find out what might be wrong with my account, which was MADE WRONG by importing comments from LJ. Got the same 'If you're using a third party application it's not a/our problem'.

It's not our problem even if the importer likely borked something? Really.

Ah well.

At least I'm slowly calming down from wanting to delete my DW completely. If iJay ever disappears though... I have no idea. I know how I can keep up with everyone, but having the kind of journal experience I want - I'll be losing more than I already have by switching to iJay. Something to think about and get used to now maybe? I ain't going back to Livejournal, that's for sure. Heck the whole reason an alternative to iJay doesn't seem possible is my need for content/access filters and privacy. I won't be going to anything LESS private. Or that offers me less control for the purpose of my journal which is 'my offline brain'.

I must seriously give a damn about y'all people on DW that I'm not logging out of my account and logging in permanently to an openid account instead. Cause just writing this out has me all irked again.

I am currently considering saving the pages of the discussions I want to save and having the saved pages hosted elsewhere so the discussions don't disappear and/or die out. I'd hate to delete everything from my DW but if I'm only going to use it for commenting... Actually, I'm getting pissed off at the trade off; ease of set up for a journaling/blogging scenarios vs having your words/discussions held hostage to a particular site because you can't import/transport it somewhere else if the current host isn't to your liking. DW was supposed to be my solution to LJ having my discussions hostage (unless I wanted who knows what creepy ass ads, viruses, scripts etc) and that's not working out and now I'm all 'But to delete my DW means losing THOSE discussions'.

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Date: 09:14AM | Wed, September 1st | 2010
Subject: Once Upon A Time There Was A Thing Called Privacy. No Really!
Security: Public
Tags:.ijay, note to self, wtf!

Note to self: Quite possibly no longer commenting on LJ. Look into this when I wake up. (Going to try and sleep again for the upteenth third time tonight (this morning?)

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Date: 02:00PM | Tue, July 20th | 2010
Subject: Filth Fucking Worthless Sons of Ass Babies
Security: Public
Tags:doctor things, energy scale 3.5, fired!, wtf!

Even after coming home, rehydratating and having some likely msg laden fried chicken (because I'm too exhausted, lungs, to joints to eyeballs, to feed myself otherwise), I'm still pissed enough for the above written title.

If the pharmacy I used to use (now and forever referenced as PharmAsshole) had returned a simple fucking phone call, yesterday, one against the THREE messages I left, I wouldn't have left the house today with a severe air pollution alert, at 8:30AM for PharmAsshole to then tell me;

1) My prescription (drug) doesn't exist / isn't made anymore

2) It's on back-order

3) They don't have access to it, maybe it has something to do with their supplier (they went on, but at that point I was tuning out in rage)

I swear if that clinic passes their current good health service/customer satisfaction inspection it's due to bribes (I don't care that they have to pay the organization to inspect them and some don't pass and end up being told what to improve on). Because the fact seems to be most of the time their customers don't realize they CAN do better, DESERVE better and have ACCESS to better. And they seem to be taking full advantage of this fact.

Because it wasn't enough that I'd made a trip down there for nothing. Things then got worse.

No. Seriously.

You see, the pharmacy employee then proceeded to do a lot of shrugging. Did not offer to call my doctor to see about alternatives. When I mentioned I'd have to contact my doctor but couldn't read the number on the fax, didn't offer to look it up for me (there was more shrugging). And when I said I'd have to then GO and talk to the doctor and find another pharmacy, PharmAsshole did. not. inform. me that my prescription would then need to be transferred back to the doctor or to another pharmacy, because I couldn't have it just floating around unfullfilled. You see, I asked for the prescription to take with me and got given THE FAX. And silly me thought that counted as enough. Cause how could I have known.

When I took the hour and change trip to the new doctor's place, the nurse-admins there were surprised they hadn't looked up the numbers for me, hadn't informed me that they'd have to transfer the prescription and had NOT given me their direct line (pharmacy to pharmacy/medical professional to pharmacy) to do so.

Granted, taking the hour and change trip was all on me because I didn't have the number and I figured if they had the 'script I'd need to go there anyway to pick it up. Turns out they didn't have it in the right dosage so I have to go out again tomorrow (oh face-stomping, shovel decapitating joy). But at least how I was treated at the new place made me feel better after having received customer service from a graduate of Shrug And Look Blank College.

So right now, the old clinic (Clinic Bully-Asshole)? All they have going for them is Dr. Yoda. And he's in a different building. I never want to deal with their doctors again, and apparently the pharmacy's full of shit too. When I was in the elevator going down, a gentleman behind me said that his experience was waiting 45 mins even after calling to be sure they not only had his prescription available, but being told it was there waiting for him.

Right now I sincerely believe what's happened is that the clinic has just become TOO DAMN BIG. It's lost a lot of the 'community' aspects. There's three locations now, the pharmacy is bi-located and apparently everyone who knew wtf they were doing and how to treat the patients like human beings got promoted UP.

When I think about how I felt railroaded and shock-terror-ed into taking certain drugs, and how the pharmacist just 'shrugged' and had to come up with excuses each time I pointed out a problem with her response;

Me: "No, I asked my doctor about the shortage before agreeing to the prescription. I am actually aware of the status of that drug, and so is my medicinal professional"

Her: *shrug, comes up with another blahblah half lie, don't give a damn tone, - why can't she just call me ignorant and move on with her day*

I can't help but wonder how much about which drugs get promoted to patients at that clinic via the doctors, has a good bit to do with which drugs or drug reps the pharmacy feels nice about/wants to promote.

UGH. Healthcare. Seriously! It and Education are the two kids in the corner being bullied by the children the 'teachers' like and find acceptable.

ETA: 3.37 by computer clock. So new Pharmacy just called. PharmAsshole has NO RECORD of the prescription. Apparently they gave me the ACTUAL FAX and have no copies at all that anything was sent by a doctor, for me, for them to fill. And they gave the new pharmacy/pharmacist rigamarole about how the labs are closed down and the medicine is no longer available. New pharmacist is looking at her shelf, seeing the meds in different dosage amounts. So... She's also flummoxed that apparently SHE (cause I took and left her the fax sheet) has the only hard copy of this prescription, besides the actual script notepad sheet in my file from the doctor.

Sweet Mamba Jama & Hot Sauce!

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Date: 04:21AM | Tue, July 13th | 2010
Subject: Before I Forget
Security: Public
Mood:awake awake
Tags:consumer culture everywhere, errands: shopping, question everything, wtf!

At the beginning of the year, or thereabouts, I discovered Pillsbury Simply; supposedly natural cookies with the ingredient label as: Flour, sugar, eggs, butter, milk, vanilla essence, and chocolate chips. I checked the label today because i was considering treating myself after my doctor's appointment. Guess how much the ingredients have changed?

For one thing, there's no longer any butter. And vanilla essence has been replaced with 'natural flavours'. I wish I had a camera or camera phone to take a picture so I could get it all exactly correct. But I found myself saying of course. Hook people onto your brand, with them thinking it's healthier or purer and closer to what they want. Then when enough months pass, slip in the cheap stuff; hydrogenated oils etc... because at that point they've associated the brand with something good. They're unlikely, statistically, to look at the back and see the ingredients have changed.

Unfortunately I did look at the back, because I couldn't remember the sugar content and tadah! It's no logner 6-8 simple ingredients anymore.

Bait. And. Switch. Y'all.

Bait. And. Switch.

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Date: 01:33AM | Fri, July 2nd | 2010
Subject: And Then Some People Open Their Mouths & Make It A Certainty
Security: Public

Sometime soon, I'm going to talk about what happened to me on Tuesday. But right now - M.Night.S .... asldkfjsldfhasdflksdfsdflkjsdflkjlsdflsaa*#$(((.

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Date: 10:29AM | Tue, June 29th | 2010
Subject: And the world said
Security: Public
Mood:antisocial antisocial
Tags:anxiety scale 6, i hate people, wtf!

"Good Morning Willow, How about we put some kind of road works right in front of your bedroom window; drilling at 9:20am in the morning, with banging and thunderous machinery. With noise so loud you won't want to leave the house to find out what's going on and how long it will take because the very vibrations will make your heart squeeze in your chest."

And here I am just getting over storm pains from last week.

I can't even laugh - I've just got this kind of pained look on my face. Have I mentioned I've only had 4.5 hours of sleep?

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Date: 11:01PM | Sun, June 27th | 2010
Subject: Eff Whitey
Security: Public
Tags:fail fail everywhere, tv: leverage, wtf!, wth?

ETA: This is a LEVERAGE post. There be spoilers. Currently with my journal set to full instead of summary, cut-tags won't work anyway


[info]inkstone, various folks who like to avoid blood pressure explosion

Alrighty then. I'm watching LEVERAGE and ... I'm done. The combination of stupidity (yes, take a break to listen to the pretty music) with what yet another group of BROWN FOLK NEED IS THIS CREW OF HONKEYS, and the... what Nate does to Hardison; that combination of railroading and bullying and taking for granted?

I just... I think I'm watching it through to the end because I want to see what Hardison has to say and after that - no more reminders for LEVERAGE. Evil overly ambitious corporate woman plus 'We HELP BROWN FOLKS SAVE THEIR COUNTRIES' is just too much bullshit.

And yeah, I'm wtf enough that if this is a spoiler for you, tough cookies. Look forward to no more cause I'm so done.

PS: WTF, this is THRICE they didn't bother to tie-up the bad guy. I don't care what their true plan was. That's shoddy and cost them time.

WTF? The WHITE MAN sprinkled fairy dust on Hardison?!!! So ....

FLOG LEVERAGE. FLOG 'EM and leave them to BLEED.

ETA: And yes, I do get that as far as the producers are concerned LEVERAGE is all about one white man's struggle to become, and the people who help him along the way; two women, a MoC and someone not middle or upper class.

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Date: 06:03PM | Mon, June 21st | 2010
Subject: Steps Away From Computer
Security: Public
Tags:#race issues: fandom, wtf!, wth?

I think this is wise, since I've reached the point where based on the first sentence of a comment - my brain goes 'White' and then everything glazes over into 'Blah blah blah, I have the right to hurt you cause it's not like I stuck a knife in you, blah blah blah, psychological harm is not real harm where the blood, lol, blah blah blah, over-sensitive' - Be glad the world doesn't have stab-o-vision world. Be very glad.

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Date: 08:02PM | Thu, June 10th | 2010
Subject: The loose hardwires in my brain
Security: Public
Tags:-indescribable-, health: emotional, health: mental, health: physical, whhhhhyyyy?, wtf!

I am having an AWFUL - can't stand friction or texture against my skin day. Part of me wonders if this is the result of me trying to pay more attention to my body. If it is? Now I know why I don't pay enough attention to my body. If road rash mated with low pulsing vibrating sounds - it would only be maybe a 1/3 as annoying as what I'm currently feeling where every surface and fabric and texture makes me want to peel off my skin and scream. This includes by the way, my own skin, all tickles and itches are being treated with a pen cap at the moment.

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Date: 11:00PM | Wed, June 9th | 2010
Subject: Feels Like A Chapter Out of 'So Sexy Soo Soon - By Dr. Jean Kilbourne'
Security: Public

This is how I know I'm not like the apparent majority. On Sociological Images, there is video and a post about a group of young girls, little girls, dancing to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies'.. The comments discuss how the girls are amazing dancers, the moves are tame, there's a difference between children at play and directed sexuality blah blah.

I couldn't finish. Stopped at .32 seconds. I'm currently having difficulty getting my skin to stop crawling and I want to throw up.

The thought that flew through my head? It's not going to be called child porn until some government official finds it on someone's computer and decides it qualifies as a psychological step towards bad-wrong things. Until then, anyone can 'enjoy' it.

The second thought that flew through my head? Personal responsibility has a place, but the current push to sexualize children (thongs for 7 yr olds, etc...) is deluding pedophiles into thinking their reality will come to pass. How could 'younger is better' not screw up the minds with certain attractions to NOT see innocence, and a need for security and stability.

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turn the page
By Any Other Name
of Willow
January 2016